To not want to be called 'mother' by my own mother!

[citylover]

Have just spent a fairly tense three days with my parents. DS2 stayed with them for a few days and I then drove down with DS1 who is there now.

Have never had an easy relationship with my mum we are like chalk and cheese too much to go into here.

She gave me a cup of tea and said here you are mother! I said I do have a name its and she said oh don't you like being a mother - I said of course I do but that isn't he point is it I am a person in my own right too.

The thing is also that she used to refer to my grandma (her MIL who passed away a few years ago) as mother in a sort of exasperated tone.

Would you find this irritating or I am being over sensitive.

If you have a "tense" relationship, then a lotof things are going to be annoying.

My bloody mother talks to her dog and refers to me as her sister (the dogs sister that is ) It always pisses me off.

PMSL Paros! She sounds like a nutter!

Start addressing your mother by her first name.

Yes it would annoy me. I think 'Mother' can be quite cold, compared ofcourse to Mum, which i believe sounds warm, cozy and loving. I refer to my mum as mother when i'm annoyed.

Paros - my parents always refered to me as the dog's sister too...i.e. "Look Uska(dog's name), your sister came to visit us"...nice

Oh my god being referred to as the dog's sister is awful.

Still feel upset about it - it's just one of
many things that we seem to differ on. I am quite sad about it all but think that it's gone on for too long to really do anything about it now.

They seem to disagree and criticise everything I have done with my life including being too old when I had children, to working to whilst they do not like leaving their comfort zone. They have very fixed views of what people should be doing at a certain age whereas I am of the opposite persuasion (not to a ridiculous degree though).

But I do really appreciate them having the DS's sometimes in the holidays to stay albeit separately.

One of the reasons it was quite tense is because as the weekend wore on the boys tend to fight more and they just can't tolerate it 'at their age'. It is wearing I do agree but normal I am told!! They are quite fit late 60s but have been 'old' in their outlook for ages. They seem to relish their pensioner status.

At least I told her how I felt - I usually bite my lip for the sake of a peaceful life and just avoid too much prolonged contact.

My FIL calls me 'mother' (only when the kids are there, it would be a bit kinky otherwise!) and I HATE it. It makes me feel like I should have a pinny and a rolling pin. He's from the north east - is it a northern thing I wonder?

citylover: I do think you are being oversensitive. I very much doubt that your mum meant to categorise you with her own mother as you suggest. Plus small boys are hard work when you're older - lots of 50 something grandparents I know find it hard going sometimes.

Can you find something in common with your mum that you can talk about instead of the work/life stuff (which is often stressful even in the best mother daughter relationships)?