To want a baby as soon as possible?

[Holidaysweets]

I am currently extremely broody. I'm 27 and have been married for just over a year. Currently my husband and I rent but are hoping to buy a house in the next six months once I clear some smallish credit card debt on an interest free credit card.

I am desperate for a baby and feel that I'm not getting any younger whereas husband could quite happily wait another few years despite being four years older than me.

We both earn around the 20k and my job is a junior position in a very competitive industry meaning if I leave I will find it very difficult to get back in again.

We have set the date to ttc next summer which is a bit tight to buy a house, get savings in order. Waiting until the following year would be ideal, giving us enough time to sort everything and have a few holidays just us before.

I'm concerned about my age though. My mum had several miscarriages before and in between me and my siblings. She also died young from a condition that is very difficult to test for meaning it's unlikely I'll ever know that I have her condition until I die.

My issue is if we try next year I'm not really sure we're ready but if we wait another year I'll be 29 and I'm worried about conceiving and spending less time with my children, if I have the condition. When I think about those issues I get really anxious and want to start trying now. What would you do?

You are so young and earn so little. Full time childcare for a single child is about £1K a month. Can you afford that? Do you really want to step away from your career and never get back (you won't if it's competitive and you don't have enough experience to be an attractive employee)?

A few months is nothing, even a couple of years is nothing. At your age I was telling my BF (now DH) that I never wanted kids. We didn't have them until our late 30s/early 40s, conceived the first month each time.

And as for being fitter when you're young? Well that may be true if you don't exercise but I'm in my late 40s and am fitter than I've ever been. No problems keeping up with my 5 year old!

There is never a perfect time. Never. You can be prepared though, so try and get everything as organised as you can (clear your debt ASAP!) and go for it as long as your husband is on board.

I understand how you're feeling. I have PCOS, as do my DM and DGM. My DGM struggled for years (was told she was infertile) and ended up adopting my uncle before going on to give birth to three children in her twenties and my DM took two years to fall with me when she tried from the age of 19 (she was married with a house by that age). So I was nervous about leaving it too late when we started trying at 29. I went to see my GP who put me on some medication as a precaution in case I wasn't ovulating but said to expect for it to take 2 years, and explained the options for further treatments and IVF if needed.

I was pregnant within 12 weeks. I now have an 18 month old DD. I'll never know if it was the medicine or if I was just very lucky, but it can happen easily. Just as it can take a long time. You won't know until you try.

What is all this '27 is NO age' and '27 is young' garbage?! No. No it isn't. It's not technically massively old, but it is not young when it comes to having a baby. I would definitely be thinking of ttc now if I were you @holidaysweets.

It's also ludicrous to 'wait til you can afford it' as has been suggested. If you did that, you would NEVER have a baby.

Its a personal thing. People who struggled financially will tell you to wait and those who left it too late and couldn't have kids will tell you to get on with it.

I would be getting on with it because the worst case scenario of waiting is so much worse. Things being tight financially for a couple of years is nothing compared to a lifetime of childlessness when you want them. You would probably be okay leaving it a few years but I wouldn't be taking the chance.

Only you and your dh can decide. We started ttc at 27 and had our dd at nearly 30 due to fertility issues. However we owned our own house and have very good salaries so if it had happened straight away we would have been fine. I know only too well the desperate longing to be a mum, but do consider finances. Full time childcare costs 10-12k a year, or the equivalent of your salary if you choose not to go back.

Thank you all for your advice, it has really helped.

I have spoken to dh and while he would like a baby next year he is also happy to wait if we aren't where we think we will be. I think we will just continue with our original plan for next summer and re-evaluate nearer the time if things don't feel right. Some people (rightly so) raised concerns about our finances but my small credit card debt should be paid off by January and thanks to my mum we have a very tidy house deposit so will be buying a house in the new year. We are very lucky not to have to save for years like others. My husband is soon to be promoted and I am taking on some freelancing work which will hopefully over the next year or so translate into freelancing full time.

It's easy to be swayed by emotions!

Paying off debt should be your priority whatever your situating.

You're happily married, start trying if you want a baby. There's no magic time frame.

Yep do it now

You've no idea how easy/hard it will be or if you have any difficulties with conception or carrying etc , so go for it asap! Good luck x

In that case then is there any reason to hold off? Even if you started trying now and got pregnant immediately baby wouldn't be here for another 9 months, by which point you'll have paid off the credit card debt and bought your house

I am having a hysterectomy in a couple of weeks, nothing to do with having previous children. I was 33 a couple of days ago.

I have to say if you want it and your DH agrees then have your child now! I’m 29 and have two children, I’d of loved four but had to have a medical hysterectomy at 27 so you honestly never know what’s round the corner xx

If you’re ready get cracking. It will never be the perfect time. We started trying age 32 and I’m nearly 34 and we’re still trying

I wish we had started sooner.

I'm not sure what you should do OP but I wanted to make tje point that 27 is not young, biologically speaking.
We started ttc when I was 28 and didn't get first bfp til O was 33 so although you may be one of the lucky ones, consider that you may have to spend quite some time trying before you get pregnant.
Good luck x

Having children when you cannot afford them is extremely difficult and miserable.

I am ten years older than you and got pregnant the second month of trying - there is no reason to worry as a result of your age.

And if you have this disease, should you really be having children at all anyway, given you will die when they are young? So I am not sure I understand the logic of doing so now.

I appreciate you really want kids - I really wanted a pony when I was 13. But you have to be ready, and have enough money. It sounds like the practical thing to do is wait, and just deal with the fact you can't have everything you want right now.

You don't sound like you are in a position to have a baby financially at all!

Also if you are likely to die suddenly very young do you really think it fair?

We both earn around the 20k and my job is a junior position in a very competitive industry meaning if I leave I will find it very difficult to get back in again.

I had my first child at 33 after two miscarriages. It was later than I wanted BUT in that period my career reached a tipping point and my salary doubled. Having that financial boost has given us much more security and flexibility over the long term, which has been an enormous benefit to our family, and in fact allowed us to have a third child that we might otherwise have struggled to afford. I would focus on establishing yourself in your career first.

I had my first at 35. Each to their own but for me I am very glad it wasn't earlier. Having dcs are wonderful but they can clog your brain space and your portability a lot particularly pre-school. Everything you do is with the kids front and centre - houses (are they in catchment area?) money, holidays, leisure time, even sleep time - it's not only newborns who keep you up. My toddler aged 3 has only just started sleeping through properly after sleeping great as a newborn. Then there's nursery and school stop-offs, after school clubs, activities... not to mention to endless "what's for dinner/want a juice/don't want that toy, want hers" etc. You can't move without a baby or toddler needing you. Even having a wee is often interrupted.

Not trying to put you off! But before you gave dcs you can think it's like the adverts or the celebrities with gorgeous babies sleeping, all wrapped up in blankets and the reality is more often that you'll be dealing with a screaming, hungry, tantrumming toddler when it's raining and you're trying to bump the buggy up 10 steps and you've dropped your shopping on the floor. It's not like the movies and if you are at peace with that in advance then all good.

But I'm very very glad I got all my 20s and half my 30s to myself, where I could lie in and holiday where I wanted and build a career and spend my spare cash on myself instead of the Dcs.

I know it's not like the above for everyone and there are people who say having a baby in 20s was the best thing ever, but that's just my personal experience.

Babies soon grow up into expensive children. I suggest you read some of the school threads before you rush into it.