To be upset and struggling that no one cares about my mental health issues?

[PolkaDottyOvenGlove]

I have Bipolar and when I'm having a down period of time I really struggle to do anything in the house and for/with the kids, and I struggle to work. Luckily I am self employed and work from home so I tend to do very little to no work when I'm down and then do loads when I'm feeling on a high and have boundless energy.

The problem is that no one actually seems to give a shit about the fact that I do have an illness. My family don't believe in mental health conditions and are virtually non contact with me since my diagnosis. My DH seems to think that it's something that I have control over and he won't pick up any of the slack if I'm feeling very low and am struggling. He always leaves all of the household stuff to me anyway, which when I'm feeling on a high is fine, but when I'm low just leaves me feeling hopeless and even worse than I currently do. Even putting school uniform in the washing machine and hanging it up to dry is hard when I'm on a low period.

On the other hand DH expects a show home and gets moody if the house isn't immaculate. I have tried talking to him time and time again about my illness and if I'm feeling down and can't do things but he just says 'Oh don't give me that old chestnut again'.

His family are not supportive either. His sister has a different mental health condition and they all rally to support her and make excuses for her but no one really acknowledges my issues.

AIBU to be upset by this? I am feeling very down at the moment and am struggling big time today to do anything.

Oh that is total shit. I have bipolar and my DH is lovely for understanding that sometimes I just can't do things. He's not being fair.

No advice, just empathy and big bipolar hugs. You don't deserve this shit.

I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling so unsupported, OP.
When you’re having a down period as you call it, how obvious is it and how ‘down’ are we talking, for how long? I’m just wondering if perhaps it’s not as obvious to him/others as it feels to you (perhaps you’re able to put a brave face on and carry on largely unaffected on the outside?).

In order to receive a formal bipolar diagnosis you’ll have needed to have had several major depressive episodes (characterised by biological and psychological symptoms, such as loss of appetite, weight loss, lack of sleeping, massively-reduced motivation, minimal pleasure in usual things, tearfulness etc), as well as at least one episode of very obvious mania (extreme irritability or elation, delusional beliefs, excessive spending etc).... all of which are impossible for anyone to argue against/claim it doesn’t exist.

So as you have a Bipolar disorder diagnosis I’m wondering how on Earth your family and partner can possibly imagine it’s somehow fictitious or exaggerated??

I’ve personal, family and professional experience of dealing with bipolar disorder and it reeeeeally isn’t something that families are usually able to brush under the carpet/minimise. But it’s also not something characterised by generally ‘down days’ etc (that would be more likely to be diagnosed as borderline personality disorder- confusingly shortened to BPD, just as bi-polar disorder also is).

Could there perhaps have been a misunderstanding on anyone’s part perhaps as to the diagnosis and what it is/means?

RuncibleSp00n - you're thinking about type one bipolar. Type two had only hypnosis, not full-blown mania - the full blown delusions don't have to be present.

And I know a lot of people who can ignore both types. My family didn't believe me until I'd been sectioned. Really, this isn't an unusual story.

Hypnosis?

I guess you mean hypo-mania, 27Feb?

That’s true, Bi-polar II can be more subtle in terms of elevated affect, but the OP just said a diagnosis of bi-polar disorder, which clinically usually refers to Type I, rather than II (hence my confusion). However, the depressive episodes are still significant clinical depression, which has a substantial affect on activities of daily living, so I was wondering if the OP’s DH had seen any of these severe clinical episodes and what his response has been.

OP, your husband is a doucheface.

It seems you're coping incredibly well, and I'm really impressed and inspired by you. From an outsider's perspective, I'd focus on getting yourself to a position where you are self sufficient to whatever standard you're happy with (NOT his show home) - and then seriously consider starting up a new home without that doucheface.

I'm sorry to have to tell you this but your husband is an ignorant moron, and he has managed to negotiate himself a cushty life where he treats you like a slave.

You should be doing half of the housework, no more.

If you don't want to divorce the sh1t I suggest you offer to try marriage counselling to try and get a structured mediation around getting him to acknowledge that you are very unhappy and that he is ruthlessly exploiting your weakness to get free domestic service.

RuncibleSp00n - argh! Yes! Hypo mania! Stupid autocorrect. I blame my phone.

RuncibleSp00n - I guess I'm tending to believe the OP as I have seen a couple of cases of families ignoring mental illness - my parents were determined there was nothing wrong with me, even as I behaved increasingly erratically - I flew to a foreign country with only the money for a one way ticket on a whim and got stranded there, and that was "27Feb is bad with planning", or I wouldn't come home for hours after work because I couldn't travel via tube as the posters were talking to me and that was "27Feb is just scatty and uses dramatic metaphors". It was all very weird looking back on it, but they were scared.

I wonder if the OP's husband is the same. I know that my FiL went into deep denial about MiL's MH problems for a long time for similar reasons - she developed HD and depression and memory loss were the first signs and he would just say things like "she's fine - nothing for her to be upset about. Why would she be depressed". Humans can normalise anything if they try.