To not be enjoying motherhood much right now

[Squtternutbosch]

Urgh I feel awful even thinking it but, although I love my DS with all my heart, I am not enjoying being a mum much at the mo.

He's not a good sleeper, never has been. I've been trying to sleep train using the gradual retreat method. It was going ok (not brilliantly, but ok) until last week, but it had taken three weeks of screaming every night just to get to an "ok" point. And then something happened (I don't know what) and now he is right back at square one. He won't even let me pick him up to comfort him now, he kicks and screams and fights me. Lastnight I just gave up and plonked him in bed with me and we both slept til 5, then it started up again. So now I'm still sleep deprived and I feel like a total failure who's undone weeks of hard work.

He's a delightful boy most of the time but he is such hard work, and i am at the point where I am dreading night time every day. Am thinking of doing CC but then even the thought makes me feel so horribly guilty that I could cry. I am not the best mum I could be when I am with him in the day, I am snappy and short tempered and he doesn't deserve it. I just want to enjoy our time together, I'm so aware that we don't get it back, and that he will only be a baby once. What am I doing wrong??

Waterrat and those of you who have done CC- how many nights did it take before the screaming stopped? Did you do the CC for wake ups in the night as well or just bedtime? My son can really go for it- lastnight he cried to the point of panic before I gave in and picked him up, so I really don't see that the "gradual retreat" method is any gentler really, it just seems to be dragging it out. I can't bear seeing him like this but going backwards really isn't an option at this point.

Being exhausted and sleep deprived is a killer. When my youngest was born my eldest (17mths) stopped sleeping so I had 2 kids to deal with. I didn't realise how utterly shattered I was, but looking back the first six months were pretty terrible.

Cracking sleep is the centre of everything though. In hindsight it's frightening how central it was, but once we had everyone sleeping (and by sleeping I mean a straight 5 hours, no more) at the same time, EVERYTHING got so much better.

We did controlled crying with both of ours. They cried for a max of 2 minutes before we went in and shushed and patted etc, but didn't cave into picking them up. They honestly show no ill effect (at 2.5 and almost 4).

You have to find a method you can work with, and only you as a family can do that, and you have to spilt the load.

It does get better though!! Best of luck

I'd do CC. Usually takes 3 nights maximum. Make sure you've got someone with you to stop you caving as consistency is key. You're not being mean and it won't harm him. You both need to sleep, he's old enough not to need feeding overnight.