AIBU to not answer the call when I've just finished work?!

[Glitterbug83]

So, literally just finished work at 7pm. Drove home. Stepped through the door and DM has my nephews on loudspeaker and says 'do you want to speak to your aunt?'. Much as I love them, I've had a seriously crap day at work and have literally just stepped through the bloody door. Why not ask me first if I want to talk on the phone or not? So awkward. Why do parents do this and hand you a call when you don't actually want to talk???

YABU I think you need to lighten up, you sound very uptight!

Poor you, my Dh knows to give me 30 mins to decompress when I get in. I did it for him to when I was home and he was working.
I can't even hold a conversation and do try hard to get what he's on about otherwise.

Oh OP - you're 7 weeks pregant, have a 1 year old, work til late and there are people who need things in your house as soon as you arrive home.

YAdefinitely100%NBU.

My mum once came into the bathroom when I was having a shower to ask if I wanted to speak to one of her friends! Now that's weird.

OP, I don't actually think your mum was particularly rude or unreasonable - she was talking to her grandchildren, saw you walk in and thought it was a perfectly natural thing to do. A 'hi boys, hope you're OK, sorry, I'm absolutely exhausted after my day at work, we'll chat another time' would have been a more appropriate response than making your mum feel a bit crap,

YANBU. My MIL does this all the time! She will be visiting us, and on the phone to some relative and then will just walk into the hall while talking to them saying "yes, she's right here..." and give me the phone saying it's your great aunt or your cousin in xyz. Most of the times these are people I have met once in my life (at our wedding) and while they are related to DH, they are most certainly not "my great aunt" or "my cousin". I don't want to FaceTime with them in my pyjamas. Egads!

Between me and DH we definitely split familial duties halfway - he sorts out presents and calls and visits with his side and I do the same for mine. Except for our siblings who we are both close to. But his mum expects me as the wife to do all the family sorting out and I find that so annoying. (Of course she also expects me to sort out the laundry and the dishes and all domestic things and him to sort out technology and financial things which is funny because I'm the one who deals with tech and DIY and he does laundry in our house, but that's a whole different rant for a different thread).

My nan does this 🙈 I walk in her house and she's like oh my granddaughters here, say hello! And hands me the phone. Turns out to be someone like her sisters daughter who I've never met in my life. So awkward!

Mamabear4180, I need to lighten up? I sound uptight? If you'd had the day I have, you would be too

Msvestibule, that is hilarious lol. In the shower?! What did you do?

Why couldn't you just say "Hi boys, Have you had a nice day, Great, well I've got to go and get changed now, see you soon, bye"

That would take you 30 secs and you wouldn't then have to get all het up and start a thread about it on MN.

You are DMBU xx

DNBU !

Try sitting on the sofa vegged out looking like death with the house like a bombs gone off and your MIL shoving FaceTime in your face without warning of the in laws. Turning the screen around to display your house keeping sins in all their glory

YANBU

glitter I gave her a WTF look and I think she realised it perhaps wasn't the best idea 😀.

I was about 10 days post-partum (which is why she was staying). I'm guessing she'd phoned her friend, and her friend and said 'can I speak to MsV' and instead of saying 'oh she's in the shower, I'll pass on your good wishes', she just brought to phone to me. My mum is a bit mental, but generally well meaning.

Msvestibule, that made me snort with laughter. Hilarious! Thanks for that. Cheered me right up.

Medwaymumoffour, that's insane. Jeez.

Is it not common etiquette to ask someone if they want to talk on the phone first rather than presuming it the minute they get home?

It sounds like your DM was already on speakerphone when you got in. It does seem natural to include you in the conversation when you entered the room. You could have said a quick Hello, and made an excuse.

I think it's a wierd thing to be "furious" about. I don't understand what the big deal is about saying hello? What will you do when your daughter starts talking and is talking non stop when you get home? I think you need to practice tolerance and patience maybe.

Then you say, let me get your coat off, just give me 5 minutes, lovely. You don't have to be at your children's beck and call just because. They need to learn that the adults have needs, too, and I think it's best to start them early and put the guilt to one side. It is good for them.

gandalf45 ah see that doesn't work for me really. I do 12 hour shifts and I'm a single parent so I pick up at bedtime. My son is 2.5 and we like to share our days with each other and chat before bed. I thought it was normal to want to talk to your child when you've been at work all day.

Sorry meant to put I'm a single parent so I don't have anyone to give me 5 mins rest or help etc.

There is a difference between wanting to get in your house and sort yourself out and not wanting to see your children!

If you teach them, they get used to it and they learn

Fair enough, doesn't suit me but different styles for different people

I used to be like that just throw my bags down and give them attention as soon as.

They are now 9 and 13 and still as demanding. They are not very independent either and don't do a lot for themselves because they think they can just call me and get instant attention

What I thought was being kind to them as a parent was actually done them no favours and it wasn't very good for me either which I already knew but thought it was worth the sacrifice. It wasn't and it isn't and I'm trying to unravel it now. It would have been much easier to have taught them earlier