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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To get Christmas gifts in chairty shops?

47 replies

Ohwell14 · 04/10/2017 15:21

My friend things im being horrible and stingy because the stuff is second hand. I got a candle and a bath set today that obviously haven't been used or opened but she made me feel like shit for it.
We are not struggling but I'm on maternity leave at the moment and can't afford to splash out on a lot of things like we did last year. So family (mum, sister, friends etc) will be getting less this year as we won't have much to spare after buying for the kids.
So am I a horrible evil person that I'm being made out to be??

OP posts:

bastardlyandmutley · 04/10/2017 17:28

It's definitely the care and thought gone into a gift that means the most to me whether the gift a bomb, was bought in a charity shop or was homemade. I actually hate it when DH just throws money at presents and doesn't seem to think whether I would actually like it.

I totally don't get the attitude of I spent £30 so you have to too. Seems to totally miss the point of gift giving surely?

bastardlyandmutley · 04/10/2017 17:29

cost a bomb

JennyBlueWren · 04/10/2017 17:37

I have bought loads of presents from charity shops. Mostly new but also second hand things. Most of my son's toys are second hand (he's only 2 so isn't bothered). Best one was last year I got a huge Noah's ark for £5... originally £150! It was a little scuffed in places but you can get brand new stuff too.

I'm a teacher and get lots of candles as gifts. Not great with a toddler so I put them to charity shops so someone else can get the use out of them.

Aeroflotgirl · 04/10/2017 17:40

Sauceyjack that is not the point of gift giving and receiving. You give because you want to, not because you expect something in return, if I knew the giver was struggling financially, I would not give it a second through. Its the meaning behind the gift,not the cost.

DailyMailReadersAreThick · 04/10/2017 17:42

It wouldn't bother me unless the stuff was manky and obviously "well loved."

Reminds me of a friend who gave me a (homemade) present wrapped in newspaper. She explained she doesn't buy wrapping paper for environmental reasons. I thought it was a great idea and wasn't at all upset.

mrsm43s · 04/10/2017 17:52

I think it's the thought that goes into it that counts, and the effort spent buying that perfect gift. So the reason behind making a charity shop purchase rather than a regular one matters.

So buying something in the charity shop, which is just OK, but is cheap, and you're buying it just to save yourself money rather than it is something perfect for the recipient is stingy.

But buying something in the charity shop because it's the perfect item and you know they'll adore it is perfectly acceptable. I'd personally be inclined to buy an additional gift as well if I found a real bargain in a charity shop, to pass the good fortune of the bargain find onto the recipient, rather than keep it for myself, but I can afford to do so.

SaucyJack · 04/10/2017 17:53

". Its the meaning behind the gift,not the cost."

I'm clearly not explaining myself very well.

I don't disagree with that all, but plenty of people would be just as keen as the OP to do away with the excess and crass capitalism- and just spend a few quid in the chazza.

Why not just be honest and upfront, so they no one else feels obliged to spend money they can't afford either?

I'd be a bit embarrassed to be taking expensive presents off of pensioner relatives when I'd only spend a pound on them. Not sure why this makes me the one without any morals TBH.

Aeroflotgirl · 04/10/2017 18:18

Mabey the elderly relative is well off, Mabey they know about the givers hard financial situation and want to give them a nice gift none the less. Gift giving has totally lost its meaning, you give because you want to, not to recieve!

Original poster

Ohwell14 · 04/10/2017 18:22

Just to add I don't get presents off any of my family I've told them not to get me anything for a long time now as I'm no longer a child. As long as my children get something im happy even if it was just a card and a fiver. I'm more of a, it's the thought that counts person. And I don't intend to give them a £1 gift and that's it, I will buy half new and half charity. Just wanted to try and save a bit of money this year as my maternity pay is rubbish

OP posts:

Aeroflotgirl · 04/10/2017 18:23

I am one of those hard up people, that try and source new bargains on e bay and Amazon and sales. I give what I think the receiver woukd like, even if it is £5-10 per person. I would be totally embarrassed if a friend gave me a gift for £100. But it would be very rude to give it back and may offend especially as most of my friends and relatives know I am on the bones of my arse.

ArcheryAnnie · 04/10/2017 18:43

I'd be a bit embarrassed to be taking expensive presents off of pensioner relatives when I'd only spend a pound on them.

SaucyJack I do get what you are saying, but I'd be embarrassed to take an expensive present from anyone who I knew couldn't afford it, pensioner or not. Me getting them an expensive present in return doesn't help them, if they have had to stretch themselves to afford mine.

Maybe the answer is to just agree on token presents, and admit it if a bargain is found.

astrotel · 04/10/2017 18:51

Even better- stop buying gifts for anyone who is not close. Reduces the amount of stuff in the 1st place. Break the ridiculous gifting cycle that we are in as a nation.

Charity shops just recycle the unwanted stuff- often to someone else who also doesn't want it.

Evilstepmum01 · 04/10/2017 18:52

Nope, I buy a few presents from charity shops every year, it's just recycling! I also donate unused toiletries or gifts too.
Best present I ever got was a photo book of my mum's home town from the era she grew up in. It cost me 50p. My mum was so touched, she cried.

Tanaqui · 04/10/2017 19:00

I kind of agree with those saying it is a bit unequal- because I would hate someone to think I had spent ££ when really I had got a charity bargain, in case they then felt they should spend more on me- so I would probably say if I had done.

Willow2017 · 04/10/2017 19:21

I would much prefer someone to actually think about what I would like and getti for £1 in a charity shop than spend £10 on something random that I hated.

You can get some amazing bargains in charity shops. Designer handbags, retro stuff, I got a full length camel coat beautiful cream colour perfect condition for £5. Why pay more?

Troubleinstore · 04/10/2017 19:26

I have received many gifts from charity shops over the years from my in laws for Christmas. The fact that lots of them are toiletries and skin care really bothers me as most have no tamper proof seals on and may have been used. I personally hate the idea of these items but anything else is fair game. Lots of lovely stuff to be had at our local chazza shops. (Obviously that excludes the 13 year old second hand, discoloured fleecy underblanket we received too!).
If it's well thought out and suits the recipient well, then no worries.

elevenclips · 04/10/2017 19:26

I do not understand why you need to buy your mum and sister anything for Christmas if money is tight. Buying unnecessary items when money is in short supply makes no sense when the recipient is an adult. Perfectly fine to buy a child a toy from charity shop though as kids love presents. Adults should grow up. I'd feel terrible if one of my siblings bought me something when money was too short.

Mamabear4180 · 04/10/2017 19:40

I buy all my kids toys 2nd hand charity shops/car boot sales etc because I think most toys are a rip off tbh. Also get clothes in there for myself, books and household stuff.

I don't buy friends or other family charity shop presents unless they're brand new or boxed but I don't think it's unreasonable to do so and if you were my friend I'd be happy with anything.

You can't put a price tag on a thoughtful gift and money isn't important (or shouldn't be)

gorygloria · 04/10/2017 19:43

jennybluewren save them for your treat bath once the little one is in bed

phoenix1973 · 04/10/2017 19:53

Yanbu.
I got my dd a lovely as new turquoise cushion for 99p from a chazza.
Im considering the best way to tell adult rellies not to buy for me and i wint buy for them.
Its perfume gift sets that i dont need or want. Id rather we all just stop wasting good money.
All i want is food drinks some laughs and time with them.

TooGood2BeFalse · 04/10/2017 20:07

I am grateful for any gift, from anyone, ever. One of my favourite birthday presents ever was 150 nappies from a hard up friend that couldn't use them anymore as her son had had a growth spurt and my little boy could definitely use them. Well meaning family/friends had bought them for her.A lovely present that saved me so much money and was just exactly what I needed as mid-divorce, not in UK and STBXH has disappeared.

But I do have to back up SaucyJack slightly. My family spend every Christmas together and we do tend to go a bit mad on presents.My big brother hit a financial rough spot and said from November he couldn't afford to spend much so could.we all tone it down a bit about he wasn't left feeling embarrassed and ashamed. We had a budget and got each other thoughtful gifts accordingly and he wasn't left feeling uncomfortable in the day

TooGood2BeFalse · 04/10/2017 20:09

*could we all tone it down a bit SO he wasn't left feeling embarrassed

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