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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

about division of household labour

14 replies

puddingpen · 04/10/2017 14:57

I always thought DP and I had a very fair division of labour in our household but I've recently become aware that he does not think so.

Basically I do all the meal planning, food shopping and cooking. He washes up (no dishwasher) and I give the kitchen a quick wipe-down whilst he's doing that.

Laundry is shared but he only does clothes - I always do bedding and towels and change the bed (never discussed, he just doesn't think to do them).

He does most of the cleaning - hoovering/ dusting/ bathroom/ kitchen deep cleaning although I do occasionally do these bits. I can be quite untidy and sometimes he has to ask me to tidy my stuff away (messy hobby and I wouldn't want him tidying that up as he might ruin things!)

His chores (except washing up) usually take one weekend morning per week (small flat).

He made a comment about him doing most of the household chores and I was surprised. Yes, he usually does more chores if you list them out, but my main chore (cooking) takes up a lot more time. Usually whilst he is cleaning I am tidying, cooking or doing the online shop, not just sitting around.

Just wanted to get other people's opinions before I discuss it further with him.

No DC yet, as that's probably relevant.

OP posts:
2014newme · 04/10/2017 14:58

I clean, dh cooks.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 04/10/2017 14:59

Why don't you swap and he can cook for a bit?

puddingpen · 04/10/2017 14:59

Gosh, sorry that was a long post for a very boring question!!

OP posts:
SloeSloeQuickQuickGin · 04/10/2017 15:01

I take it you both work?

Angelicinnocent · 04/10/2017 15:02

I cook, load dishwasher and do anything that the DC need (these days mostly taxi service). Dh cleans and does the laundry. Slightly different though cos we work together so I tend to give him a couple of hours off once a week to do the biggest jobs.

MrsTerryPratchett · 04/10/2017 15:02

Swap for two weeks. But he HAS to do bedding and towels.

puddingpen · 04/10/2017 15:43

Yes - we both work full time. In practice he does more hours but I have a longer commute.

I wasn't clear in my first post - he's not annoyed about it at all. He's very happy with the way it's split because he doesn't want to cook, so he doesn't think it's unfair, he just thinks he does 'more', and I am annoyed because I don't agree!

OP posts:
Morestrawberriesplease · 04/10/2017 15:46

We divide tasks according to what we prefer/are better at, and for the stuff neither of us likes it's 50/50. Time wise that does work out 50/50 so if he's happy and you're happy what does it matter??

MrsTerryPratchett · 04/10/2017 15:46

www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/nov/09/men-only-pull-their-weight-at-home-in-a-world-where-thinking-doesnt-matter He's not alone in thinking he does more. It's a common phenomenon. Even if he does the same.

operaha · 04/10/2017 15:48

Both work full time.

He does all the washing and gardening.

Cleaning is both of us, dogs walked by both of us, prob a bit more him.

Cooking fairly evenly split.

4 kids.
I get away quite lightly but in my defence I am utterly shattered when I get home from work but he seems to have that little bit left in him.

5rivers7hills · 04/10/2017 15:50

Sounds like you do more to me because you are taking on more of the mental load as well with the cooking

5rivers7hills · 04/10/2017 15:52

TBH in a 2 bed flat with working full time nad no DCs I would get a cleaner who will also change your bedding weekly, and then split the cooking

Probably also get a gusto subscription too...

Then neither of you have to do hardly any chores!

arethereanyleftatall · 04/10/2017 15:54

I guess his argument could be that you're doing the job that many people enjoy doing/find therapeutic, whereas his is more drudgery.
I agree with others though- swap for a while. I'll bet after a week or so you'll both want to go back to how it currently is.

SloeSloeQuickQuickGin · 04/10/2017 15:57

I think he does do more. But as he's happy with it then so be it.

IDont really understasnd 'deep cleans' when ther are two adults, no children, and people at work all day. Where is this mess coming from, surely you you just wipe and go throughout the week?

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