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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About family visit?

27 replies

puglife15 · 03/10/2017 21:08

DSis, DBro and families rarely see us, but see each other and DPs loads (we live in another town). They arranged to visit us and stay at ours for the first time this year later this month. Kids really excited to see them all etc.

DM got wind of this and invited herself and DF too.

Next thing we know the whole family except us are planning to hire a cottage almost hour away from our house for a long weekend as their "visit" to us. We are invited to go and see them on one of the days.

AIBU to think this is not a visit to us, but a holiday for everyone except us, and be a bit put out? To be fair we don't really have space to put them all up at ours, but would have if DM hadn't invited herself...

Also WWYD next?

OP posts:
mumofone234 · 03/10/2017 21:17

YANBU - that's ridiculous. I'd be pettily tempted to dig my heels in and say that if they want to see you at any point while they're there they are welcome to pop over.

mumofone234 · 03/10/2017 21:17

Obviously with my suggestion you're running the gauntlet of them not coming at all and not seeing them...

GhoulsFold · 03/10/2017 21:19

Yes that does seem rather cruel. Have you voiced this to hour dsis/dm?

NoSquirrels · 03/10/2017 21:23

Tell them!

Dsis - the kids were so excited to see you & have cousins to stay & I was really looking forward to it too. Staying in a cottage an hour away with DM & DF has made me feel a bit left out, cos I thought you were coming up see us all.

RandomMess · 03/10/2017 21:38

I would tell them too. I'm upset, the DC are disappointed we invite you to come stay with us and it was agreed?

Original poster
puglife15 · 03/10/2017 21:38

Have said similar over text, but apparently they are all looking forward to a weekend away and it's a really nice cottage?!

OP posts:
RandomMess · 03/10/2017 21:39

Reply "let me know when you do actually when to come visit us then"

RandomMess · 03/10/2017 21:40

TBH I think you need to tell your parents that they have muscled in and you are upset and get again have been marginalised...

Original poster
puglife15 · 03/10/2017 21:40

Sorry to clarify have said it didn't seem like an ideal solution for anyone, not that we were upset.

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Original poster
puglife15 · 03/10/2017 21:45

They have said they'll come to our town on the Sunday for lunch, but based on previous I'd not be surprised if this didn't happen as it would add 1.5 hours to their journey home.

If we say anything to DPs it probably won't go down well.

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RandomMess · 03/10/2017 21:46

Then I think you need to tell them that the point was you wanted to spend time with just them and are hurt that it isn't happening and it would appear that the feeling isn't mutual!

FindTheLightSwitchDarren · 03/10/2017 21:46

Yanbu. How annoying.

Leeds2 · 03/10/2017 21:49

I would suggest they come to you. and leave it for them to arrange a date/time/restaurant venue. Whilst inwardly accepting that it is never going to happen. I wouldn't be visiting their holiday cottage.

Original poster
puglife15 · 03/10/2017 22:04

Thanks everyone. Felt maybe I was being petty being a bit upset by it. They said they looked for somewhere closer to us but couldn't find anywhere nice.

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 03/10/2017 22:23

Well, if you've told them, leave them to it now. It's really extremely inconsiderate and downright rude to change plans when you've agreed to host them, so I'd not go out of my way to see them that weekend. Plan something your kids will LOVE instead...

Nanny0gg · 03/10/2017 22:26

If we say anything to DPs it probably won't go down well.

So? They don't seem to care about your feelings.

RandomMess · 03/10/2017 22:50

Well things won't change then, if you don't point out what you want and what they had agreed to and that you are hurt and upset that you've been excluded by the weekend you had organised?

Original poster
puglife15 · 03/10/2017 23:02

Have tried to call them to talk it through but they're not answering. WIBU to text them?

They don't appear to have considered it from our POV, certainly no inkling in what they've said.

TBH our house isn't as nice as theirs and would be fairly cramped, maybe they just don't want to stay here??

OP posts:
RandomMess · 03/10/2017 23:06

I just assumed it was more about your Mum not wanting to be left out/ not wanting you to have a relationship independently of her...

Original poster
puglife15 · 03/10/2017 23:14

DM definitely doesn't want to be left out, you're right.

Ok so I've checked through old messages (as we arranged it a while ago) and actually while they agreed to visit that weekend and we offered / suggested to put them up, they never actually said they would stay at ours. I guess that makes a difference...

OP posts:
StatueInTheSky · 04/10/2017 08:54

i'd be wary of making too much of the change in plans too, saying the children are going to be disappointed might plant the seed in their minds that you can have their children and they can play away all weekend while you have a hoard of children marauding at yours

Butterymuffin · 04/10/2017 09:03

That would annoy me too. I think I would put it as you have here - 'but you're not visiting us anymore, you're going on a trip together'. I would say they're still welcome to come over to yours and do something there or go for a meal. I wouldn't go over there.

Original poster
puglife15 · 04/10/2017 12:08

Starting to think they just hate staying at our house... It's fine but a bit cluttered and not very spacious, also our DC wake up early and we only have one bathroom...

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Original poster
puglife15 · 04/10/2017 12:10

statue don't think they'd have the nerve to dunno the kids on us although I wouldn't mind really...

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Original poster
puglife15 · 04/10/2017 12:14

So it transpires they always planned to stay in a hotel/cottage, but this one is much nicer apparently than any near us with availability.

I think I'm going to suggest that they can visit us but we won't be driving out to them.

OP posts: