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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think a man can make his own birthday plans

12 replies

splendidisolation · 03/10/2017 20:15

My boyfriend's sister (who has form for making his problems my problems, if you get what I mean) has just texted me to ask me if I want to do a meal for his birthday at hers. She phrases it like "if you want us to do something at mine...". Its not a big birthday btw.

I did a bit of a double take.

I mean, its her house. Its his birthday. He's her brother.

AIBU to not understand what any of this has got to do with me?

I mean obviously I'll be giving him a gift and a blow job and all that jazz but surely what he wants to do and where and how is up to him? Or her if she wants to host something??

OP posts:

GhoulsFold · 03/10/2017 20:18

AIBU to not understand what any of this has got to do with me?

Yeah, it's your boyfriend, your partner, your significant other. Would you rather they didn't involve you?

deepestdarkestperu · 03/10/2017 20:18

I mean obviously I'll be giving him a gift and a blow job and all that jazz

What an odd statement.

She's asking because he's your boyfriend and wants to know if you have plans, or if you want her to host, surely? I don't see the problem. I think it's nice that his sister wants to include you and make birthday plans for her brother.

SaucyJack · 03/10/2017 20:18

I read the title in Jaqen H'ghar's voice....

Erm, are you sure you're not getting offended for the sake of it? I think it's quite nice that she wants to do something, and that she wants your approval first.

Original poster

splendidisolation · 03/10/2017 20:23

Okay! So maybe I am being unreasonable then! It's probably just that I've got a majorly busy week on this week and I didn't want to have to organise yet another thing. I was being a bit flippant in my OP, but basically I meant it like I have a great gift for him and was going to cook something nice, but if they (his family) want to do a big get together for him thats fine by me too - I just dont really see why she's asking me about it, I would more take the approach of shes free to organise what she likes and I'll be happy to join. Sorry if it doesnt make sense, am tired.

OP posts:

GhoulsFold · 03/10/2017 20:26

I think you're over thinking it OP. Just tell his sister you have no specific plans and she's welcome to organise whatever she likes directly with your DP. She probably just didn't want to step on your toes. And as you're his girlfriend, involve you

BigSunglasses00 · 03/10/2017 20:26

I wouldn't organise something for my brother without consulting with his partner. I'd be annoyed if my husband's sister messaged me saying "I've organised your husband's birthday dinner at my place, if you want to come." That would be intrusive and odd, wouldn't it?

I'm sure she assumed you'd be doing something for him (as you are his significant other) and offered up her place? Or maybe she thought it was a shame that his birthday was going to pass by without celebration but didn't want to step on you toes so is diplomatically drawing attention to it?

user1493413286 · 03/10/2017 20:28

I do see your point unless your boyfriend normally organises something for your birthday? I’d reply saying to ask your boyfriend as you aren’t sure what he wants to do for his birthday. Me and OH tell each other what we want to do for our own birthdays as we know what we want so I’d be surprised by that message.

EdmundCleverClogs · 03/10/2017 20:30

I read the title in Jaqen H'ghar's voice....

So glad I'm not the only one .

OP, how long has this relationship been going? Wouldn't you expect him to make some sort of effort for your birthday (you seem rather flippant about the whole thing). I'm wondering if down the road (if you last) you'll be bemoaning his family 'take over' his birthday, when you've set precedent for this sort of thing now.

Original poster

splendidisolation · 03/10/2017 20:32

Thanks guys, really helped me get some perspective!

I think its just because in my family we would go directly to each other, aka "hey what are you doing for your birthday? Are you doing something with boyfriend/girlfriend? If not shall we have a birthday dinner at mums?"

But if thats not how other families work then fair enough!

OP posts:

Original poster

splendidisolation · 03/10/2017 20:33

Actually he did fuck all for my birthday so that probably plays into it ;)

OP posts:

Doobigetta · 03/10/2017 20:34

I get where you're coming from, OP. I have a relative who makes a massive fuss about people's birthdays, to the extent where it's just a bit much, and simultaneously makes the recipient feel uncomfortable and partners and other family feel inadequate because they haven't made as much effort. I'm sure she is only trying to be nice, but it does tend to end up feeling quite controlling.

Original poster

splendidisolation · 03/10/2017 20:35

@Doobigetta Yep and I mean I personally don't see birthdays other than big ones that much of a big deal tbh

OP posts:

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