Help..family court

[cscottxox]

Hi all! Ive never posted here before so please excuse me if im in the wrong place! Here goes.. I have a 7yr old little boy and me and his father seperated when he was 10mnths old. I was only 20 at the time and we argued back and forth quite a lot! Things said on both sides ect. Anyway. He decided to change his address and contact number and i have had no contact with him since! I did however keep a civil relationship with his mum and she would pick up my son 2 nights a month to see him. His dad has always popped in and out when he pleases to see him but never anything consistant which obviously really upsets my son. My husband has helped me to raise my little boy since he was nearly 2 and we have 2 children. My ex has also gone on to have 2 children who my son has never been allowed to meet which massivley upsets him. My little boy is no longer going to his nans for a number of reasons. Mainly being him not wanting to. His grandparents are elderly and he gets very bored. Also there has been a breakdown in relationship between me and his nan as whenever i told her about things that were going on when my sons dad turned up to see him ie..he took him to a pub,let him watch violent 18rated movies and posted innapropriate photos of my son on social media. She would get angry and upset with me. His dad has now decided to go to court for access and i am worried he will be able to take my son overnight and i wont have any contact number or address for him? Im sorry this is so long winded . I have sought legal advice all of which contradicts one another so was hoping to find someone who might have been in a similar situation?! Im at a complete loss and my anxiety is through the roof! Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated! 

Its stressful, but its not that easy to just go to court and get access. Get a lawyer that you are happy with, they are all different and different levels of advice - doesn't mean they are right.
Get all your information together and reasons too.
Also post in the legal section here, you'll get better responses.

No expert but I have been through the Family Courts. They said it would take 18 weeks or so. It took 18 months.

So it was a substantial period of my life.

What strikes me is they are not likely to allow him to his overnight access straightaway, anyway. I think they'd build up to it. You need to shoot for supervised access, only.

I went into the process with no intention of preventing access, just making sure it was supervised and I was actually advised to oppose ex having any contact and in the end, was successful and ex had no direct contact whatsoever. But the courts put us through hell. That said, if we hadn't been through it, he would have been able t continue messing us about and would have ruined my kids' childhoods. Now the boys are 15 and 17 and are choosing to have only indirect contact, and they are old enough to do whatever they want.

I did it all with Legal Aid, but it's different, now.

Why shouldn't the father have access?

What do you mean by "inappropriate photos on social media"? Were they illegal or simply deemed 'not allowed' by you?

Was taking your son to the pub illegal or simply deemed 'not allowed' by you?

"He will be able to take my son" ... I think there is a little pronoun confusion here.

Seeing as he is the one who has broken contact, you need to approach things from the what is best for the child view. In this case the relationship between child and parent is fractured and you think it would be in the best interests of the child for contact to be gradually built up via a contact centre until the parent can prove they are going to be a stable part of the childs life. That way the onus is on him, not his parents to keep contact going.

Children's order states that the wishes of the children should be taken into account...I am assuming that your child wants to continue to see him...

It is also a lot easier and expected that parties come to an agreement so I would be telling your solicitor if you are happy with an arrangement that is similar to the one he has already had for years..that's your proposed contact...

They will not grant overnight contact without an address so IF he does apply for this your solicitor will ensure that these details are provided..

If you oppose his proposed contact for whatever reason then a court welfare officer should be appointed to look into the background meet the child and interview both parents before coming to a decision..

It's a long time since I've been in this field bit the principles should still be the same.

Sharksden... innapropriate as in putting sherbert on my sons nose and saying hes on drugs! Ive jot said i dont want him to see him. I just want it to be done the right way and for my son not to be messes about and upset. Clearly too much to ask

Thankyou so much for advice everyone else. Its so stressful. Ive recieved a letter from cafcas so im having a telephone meeting with them tomorrow. All i want is whats right for my boy.

cscottxox

Ah, so it is you deciding that he's forfeited the right to see his son (I think - it's hard to understand).

Your original post was about keeping father and son out of contact, not about facilitating it.

You said you're "worried" that the child's father would have him overnight.

So many contradictions, so little time!

Worried about overnight as he has never been to his fathers house, i dont know where it is and it would all be too much for my son too soon. If i was trying to stop contact why would i have allowed him to see him the last 6 years? Its becoming very obvious you are either a father who also does wrong by his children or a mother whos ex doesnt bother or who has too much time on her hands. If you have nothing nice, contructive or of any hell to say then why bother? Maybe get a hobbie? If you cant be kind, be quiet.

I'm neither a father nor a lesbian mother whose ex has a lot of time on her hands.

I hope you understand that 'constructive' and 'nice' aren't necessarily the same. Often they aren't.

One last time, try changing your mentality and think of the child as 'our son' not 'my son'.

Wow OP how delightful

Cretin (single 't') - "a person who is deformed and mentally handicapped because of congenital thyroid deficiency."

As I said, constructive doesn't always mean agreeing with you. Often, it doesn't.

Good luck.

Even though I would have said it differently from @sharksDen they do have a point. For your sake and your sons it’s best not to lose your temper and not to view your son as property. I get it. I have three boys and I have open access to them all- I wanted them to make their own minds up and I actively encouraged their relationships with all their paternal families (my sons have different dads)

It’s not unreasonable that you would need something regular and an address. The court will help you establish that. Going to grandparents can be boring - he still should go to maintain links and his dad should be taking him. I learnt you cannot control everything that happens and people parent differently. Good luck anyway and don’t bite :)

But he only bothered to see him two nights per month, won't let him meet his half siblings, yet he now thinks he can swan when the child is 7 and suddenly get access and probably mess the little boy about, I certainly wouldn't want him having him overnight

I think u r being a bit harsh sharks den...

Don't see anything in the original post to say the mother is trying to stop contact just that she's worried about overnight as child hasn't been to fathers home and she doesn't know where it is...thats a valid worry..

Court is a scary thing...she's bound to be anxious...