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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to feel that friend is not reciprocating

22 replies

WhistlingBrooks · 03/10/2017 11:32

I would like to know if I have reason to feel peeved.
I work for a retailer who give very good staff discounts.
I mean, good as in, it could halve the price of an item bought otherwise, by outside the company public.

So, I have had a few friends make use of this discount and they have always paid back to me, which is fine.
Very recently, a friend who has made use of my discount for close to a year (used 3-4 times in a year) now let me know that her husband had got a new job with a well known retailer and that she would be happy to return the favour. I was well pleased with it.

Until last week, when I asked I needed to get some shopping done and if I could make use of her husband's discount?

And she came back saying that unfortunately I couldn’t. No further explanation.
I felt a bit peeved, so I have decided that going forward I wont be offering to make any of their purchases on my staff discount.

Am I being unreasonable to think that they should have returned the favour or that they should have explained why they cannot do it.
I think it was her husband who said No, rather than her and I have had some experience of him being a curmudgeon as times.

OP posts:

TheMaddHugger · 03/10/2017 12:08

(((((((Hugs)))))) I'd be peeved too

FakePlasticTeaLeaves · 03/10/2017 12:11

I would have to ask her again the reason why, pointing out the discount I give her. She must know you can't continue to help her if she isn't willing to do the same in return. I'd be embarrassed if I was her!

chipscheeseandgravy · 03/10/2017 12:13

Have you. Checked what the policy is for her husbands? My SIL works for a supermarket and gets discount, if they notice lots of random items going through she doesn’t normally get. It gets flagged up. Same goes for clothes, if she’s a size 16 and starts getting loads of size 10 stuff it can get flagged up. Alternatively he may only be allowed x amount of discount, so many times a year.

EdmundCleverClogs · 03/10/2017 12:13

To be honest, I think you are. Your discount is for you, I don't know many companies that would be happy for you to be sharing it. Perhaps your friend's husband/his work take a far dimmer view of those taking the piss using the discounts. It's her husband's job and his decision, I don't think he's at all in the wrong here, it's not her decision how he shares his benefits.

ShiftyMcGifty · 03/10/2017 12:16

No he's not. But in his particular case, "no" wasn't a complete answer and made her look like an ungrateful twat. The OP did point out she's offended no apologetic reason was offered.

Theresnonamesleft · 03/10/2017 12:24

Some retailers the discount doesn't kick in for a few months.
One of my dd's is allowed 2 discount a week, and one of these is a certain product. The discount also varies depending on your position.

Original poster

WhistlingBrooks · 03/10/2017 12:25

No idea of what his discounts are tbh as no explanation was given. @EdmundCleverClogs my company does offer a friends and family discount, I have checked that before spreading the word amongst my close friends.

I think going forward, I will just have to say a nicely worded 'No'

OP posts:

Bazinga1234 · 03/10/2017 12:36

DH works for a company who have given him THREE discount cards to give to whoever he wants.. I used to work at the same company so we had SIX between us!!

They are family and friends too - it's to encourage people to shop there.

We don't mind if people ask to use it for something, as long as we get it back afterwards.

I would be annoyed if they originally said it could be used and then said no, without giving a reason.

pasturesgreen · 03/10/2017 12:39

Declining without giving any reason at all is not on, particularly after you've shared your discount with her.

Bonez · 03/10/2017 14:59

Clearly there is a reason. Either her husband has said no or the company has stated their policy can not accommodate. Sometimes only immediate family are able to get the staff discount. You're being a little U and I'd say a little petty but it's up to you I guess.

livefornaps · 03/10/2017 15:03

Well, to be honest, your sharing was no skin off your nose, unless you risked getting in trouble for the reasons cited above.

But if she ever asks again just say "no" in exactly the same way she did to you

Sonders · 03/10/2017 15:04

Maybe she's embarrassed as she offered the discount without checking first. Every retail job I've held had a very generous staff discount (up to 50% off) but strictly only allowed to you and very close relatives.

Every single job, it was a sackable offence to share the discount so widely. Could this be the case?

livefornaps · 03/10/2017 15:05

Yeah, he might be a real stickler for the rules and anxious if he's only just started the position.

I wouldn't press it. Lots of people are hanging on to their jobs by the skin of their teeth these days

EdmundCleverClogs · 03/10/2017 15:42

It's fair enough if your company offer that, however not all companies do. I still think it's unreasonable to expect your friend's husband to share his. If it was your friend herself, that's slightly different, she'd at least owe you an explanation as to why it was a 'no'. However even if her husband's benefits were like your own, he'd still not be any under obligation to share it with you, in my opinion.

MatildaTheCat · 03/10/2017 16:29

If you have a fire and family discount it would be mean to say no just for the hell of it. It's not personally costing you a penny and helps someone out. Your friend may be in an entirely different situation and be unable to reciprocate.

Why don't you just ask her? 'Hi Friend, regarding the discount I asked about, is there a particular reason you can't help? I'd hoped we could both benefit from our respective discounts. See you soon.'

arethereanyleftatall · 03/10/2017 16:35

I would just assume they're different discounts.
Yours is friends and family, his is personal use only.
Which his wife didn't realise.
She should have explained why, but I don't think they've done anything wrong if so.

existentialmoment · 03/10/2017 16:48

I would assume there was a good reason why she said no. But then i don't secretly loathe my friends as many MN'ers appear to.

melj1213 · 03/10/2017 20:07

It could be that your friend's DH can't share his discount and your friend feels a bit embarrassed at offering it around without actually checking it was allowed. I would try to ask her why she said no - ideally in a non-accusatory way - and see if it is a practical issue (can't share the discount) or a choice (just doesn't want to share the discount) before I made the decision as to whether I would revoke the use of mine.

I work for a big supermarket and out discount card is limited to use by the store colleague and one nominated user who must be an immediate family member who lives in the same household. So for me the only other person who could use my discount is DD as she is the only person who qualifies ... but since she's 9 it's not worth putting her on the forms.

Also we have strict rules about what we can use the discount for especially when it comes to gifts/items for other people there are very strict rules about what we can buy with our discount and what we can't ... buying dad a TV as a birthday present? Sure, no problem (though if it was a particularly expensive item or I was buying it at the same time as a few other expensive items - eg during pone of our staff double discount events - then it is generally understood to be best practice to inform your line manager just so they can sign off on it so it won't get investigated if it flags up). Buying a TV for dad and having my brother give me money towards it as it's a joint present ... technically that isn't allowed as I am receiving money for an item I am purchasing which is against the T&Cs. Buying the TV for my dad and him paying me back for it ... breach of the T&Cs and would get me into trouble.

Original poster

WhistlingBrooks · 04/10/2017 11:13

All of you make valid points and I appreciate that they could be two different discounts. I don't feel bad/peeved anymore to be honest. But I might hold back if I asked for a discount from my place.

OP posts:

2014newme · 04/10/2017 11:16

I got 50% discount when I worked in retail but it was only for me not my friends and family.

You're lucky that anybody can use your staff discount but I don't think it's the norm. Perhaps your friend hadn't realised she could not allow someone else to use the discount

AnnieAnoniMouse · 04/10/2017 11:25

After offering it to you, it was rude of her just to say 'No' without offering the reason she's withdrawn her offer.

Depending on which friend it was I'd probably ask. However, I have one friend who is deeply embarrassed by her DH's behaviour (justifiably, he's a git, eventually she'll leave him, we hope) & she is so down/upset/fed up of explaining stuff & making excuses for him that she'll sometimes appear rude to people she's not close to as she will answer like your friend.

Again, my response would depend on which friend it is.

Branleuse · 04/10/2017 11:26

id ask her

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