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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Called a cunt-wiu?

45 replies

NorrisToenail · 02/10/2017 19:22

I've namechanged.

Genuinely not sure here as I don't have much experience with people with disabilities tbh.

I work in a small shop and a woman and her son came in shortly before closing today. I remembered them having been in a few weeks ago and the boy (around 12 yo) was shockingly rude to his dm. Anyway, today he brought his bike in and the conversation went as follows.
Me-sorry, you'll have to take the bike outside.
Boy-no.
Me-you can't bring bikes in here, it needs to go out
B-it might get stolen
M-you could wait outside with it
B-no I'll just pick it up. (Picks bike up)

This went on for a few minutes, I got a little impatient with his refusal and said bike out now and opened the door. His dm then came over and said 'he has autism you know, there's no need to be rude to him' I explained I wasn't being rude then the boy said yes you were, you cunt. His dm said come on ds let's go.

I've a feeling there'll be a complaint against me now for being disabilist and I'm not sure if I could/should have handled it differently.

OP posts:

Usernom1234567890 · 02/10/2017 19:26

Does your shop have insurance to cover for when this boy's bike falls over and injures another customer?
I wouldn't have thought so !!
The bike stays outside. End of.
Safety of all customers trumps all else.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 02/10/2017 19:27

You were fine.

Letting boys bring bikes into shops and call people cunts are not reasonable adjustments for Autism or any other disability. Turning a blind eye to the language is about as far as I would go.

The mother has no excuse for jumping to conclusions.

Don't worry about it any more. You could mention it to your boss if you're worried.

Titsywoo · 02/10/2017 19:27

Having autism doesn't mean you can be a prick and get away with it. You were in the right, don't worry.

Usernom1234567890 · 02/10/2017 19:27

& no, you shouldn't have handled it differently.

isitme88 · 02/10/2017 19:34

If he's autistic and 12 then the mum should really have forewarned her son about bikes and not assumed it was okay to enter wth one. Also she could have explained the situation prior to them entering the shop (she could have come in first) rather than let it escalate.
She wbu but perhaps she is only human after all

isitme88 · 02/10/2017 19:35

And no, you weren't being rude at all OP. I wouldn't dwell.

WorraLiberty · 02/10/2017 19:37

I think you handled it very well tbh.

Ttbb · 02/10/2017 19:37

What does it have to do with autism? I have never known an autistic child who would behave like that

BulletFox · 02/10/2017 19:40

I thought you'd been called a cunt-wiu at first & thought 'ooh whassat, new one on me'

Shouldn't be a prob at all, maybe mention it to the owner as a heads up.

JamboTam · 02/10/2017 19:41

Bottom line........ he's a cunt, I know lots of people with autism and the r very polite, sounds like his mum is enabling it, she is probably a cunt too lol. Don't sweat it, u done well to hold your temper

Much love
T

Disabrie22 · 02/10/2017 19:41

Have worked with lots of autistic children - that’s fine - standing your ground is quite important to help them recognise boundaries. No ones ever called me the C word. I would suggest getting a sign with a bike crossed out on the door - non verbal signposting can help.

Disabrie22 · 02/10/2017 19:43

What I mean is, sorry, there’s no excuse for the C word as you weren’t being unreasonable?

bialystockandbloom · 02/10/2017 19:44

You didn't know he had autism till his mum told you so so you didn't do anything wrong there.

But, obviously his behaviour has everything to do with autism! Dominating feature of autism: impaired interaction/communication. Inappropriate behaviour pretty much a defining characteristic. Hey ho.

LadyWire · 02/10/2017 19:45

Me and my DD are autistic. Neither of us would dream of taking a bike into a shop and neither of us would use the see-you-next-tuesday word. It's not an excuse!

Redglitter · 02/10/2017 19:45

You weren't being disablist you asked him to remove his bike as you'd have done with any customer. You didn't ask him to leave with it because he's autistic. Huge difference

bialystockandbloom · 02/10/2017 19:46

That's nice jambo

bialystockandbloom · 02/10/2017 19:49

Aaaand in other news: person with autism behaves inappropriately. It's not like it's a condition that affects behaviour is it. Oh, wait...

Original poster

NorrisToenail · 02/10/2017 19:49

I suppose I'm wondering if I had have known about his autism beforehand would I have acted differently? I'm not sure. But I appreciate the replies and I'm glad no one thinks I deserved to be called a cunt!

OP posts:

LovelyPrep · 02/10/2017 19:49

Try not to worry. His mother should have stepped in long before it got to that. You weren't rude, you were just trying to do your job. If there is a complaint just stick to the facts and hopefully common sense will prevail!

LovelyPrep · 02/10/2017 19:52

bialy don't be so condescending. Everyone knows it affects behaviour but this child's mother should have stepped in! My son is autistic, sometimes his behaviour in public is problematic but I don't just ignore it! The bike wasn't meant to be in the shop, mum needed to say the bike stays outside or we go. Yep you've got a potential meltdown on your hands but that's the reality of it.

PodgeBod · 02/10/2017 19:53

Yanbu it sounds like his mum should be helping him to manage these interactions if he struggles. Instead of wandering off and leaving him to it and then admonishing you!

isDSOnTheSpectrum · 02/10/2017 19:56

My DS is on the spectrum, so I do.have to "coach" him on expectations in upcoming situations. The mother seems to have failed to do that, whereas you seem to have been very clear and consistent.

bialystockandbloom · 02/10/2017 19:56

lovelyprep I wasn't meaning to be condescending. And I'd probably do the same as his mother (I've got a ds with autism too).

But when it's yet another load of "it's no excuse", "I know a child with autism and he/she wouldn't do that" etc, it's a bit bloody wearying tbh. And the disingenuousness of these threads is just so predictable.

EJD277 · 02/10/2017 20:00

YWNBU and as a mother of one child with autism, you weren't being disablist - you didn't have a crystal ball to know this & did not deliberately target the boy as you would have reacted the same to anyone.

All children on the spectrum are different and some may struggle with using appropriate language in certain social interactions. However, the onus was on the mother to have the common sense to know bikes aren't allowed or suitable in shops.

bialystockandbloom · 02/10/2017 20:04

I meant I'd do the same as you (apologise to the op), not the same as this mother!

But I also have sympathy and understanding for her, and the judgement in lots of this thread is revolting.

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