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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to expect DD (3) to be allowed to go to the toilet during lunch time?

44 replies

newmumwithquestions · 02/10/2017 15:28

DD has recently turned 3. She's been potty trained for 6-9 months ish, but not without accidents. Happily the accidents are extremely rare now.

She had an accident at nursery today. I asked her about it and she told me that they have been told that they are not allowed to go to the toilet at lunchtime. She was upset about it.

She's very shy in public and we went through a stage at nursery of her having accidents because she was too shy to ask to use the toilet. Nursery were good about helping by asking her regularly if she needed to go (and I did keep telling her to speak up if she needed), so I'm a bit pissed off that they've now scared her. She said she tried to hold it until after lunch but couldn't..

I do get that a room full of nursery children must be like herding cats. I get that they are only trying to make their lives easier. I also get that once at school there will be times when they can't just go. But they're not at school, they're at nursery.

AIBU to think that nursery should be letting 3 year olds go to the toilet whenever they like?

OP posts:

steppemum · 03/10/2017 14:40

totally agree aeroflot.
And all kids at this age should be able to dash to the loo when they need to.

Chrisinthemorning · 03/10/2017 14:43

I would expect a 3 year old to be able to go whenever, my DS wasn't reliably trained until 3.6!
He's now 5 and can wait a short while but I wouldn't be happy if school stopped him going- these are children!

Doglikeafox · 03/10/2017 15:19

Speak to the nursery. 3 year olds aren't exactly known for their credibility, so quite possibly there was another reason she couldn't go. Did she actually ask for the toilet or just remember the 'rule' and not ask? Possibly going to the toilet during lunch is discouraged, rather than not allowed. It could even have been a passing comment from one of the nursery nurses saying 'ooh let's go to the toilet before lunch everyone, because we don't want to go whilst we're eating our food!'
Obviously if you do speak to them and they confirm that they don't allow children to go to the toilet at lunch time then that is ridiculous and I would never enforce that here (childminder).

Lm9004 · 03/10/2017 15:29

At 3 that is ridiculous. I don't let my pupils go in lesson time but they are year 5. Speak to the nursery.

Lm9004 · 03/10/2017 15:32

Especially at lunchtime, going to the toilet is one of the purposes of lunchtime. They should be able to go on demand at that age.

ElizabethShaw · 03/10/2017 15:54

Nurseries don't have a lunch break like schools so discouraging them from going at lunch time probably means during the actual meal. Although the ideal might be for children to go whenever they want its often not practical to have 3 year olds getting up and down from the table while adults are busy serving and helping with food, making sure children with special diets get the right meal etc.
I discourage my own 3 year old from getting up during meal times at home too.

Lm9004 · 03/10/2017 16:02

As I said I don't let my class go during lessons. They too are discouraged from going during their meal and have to ask an adult on duty to go during breaktime and lunchtime. At the age of 3 though I think children should be free to go whenever.

SilverySurfer · 03/10/2017 18:17

Lm9004
Especially at lunchtime, going to the toilet is one of the purposes of lunchtime. They should be able to go on demand at that age.

Sorry but I disagree. I could sit on a lavatory for an hour with zilch result and I'm in my 70s.

Having just read your latest post I am wondering how you square the above comment of yours with your latest post: At the age of 3 though I think children should be free to go whenever.

Which is it?

Lm9004 · 03/10/2017 18:35

What I was getting at was that 3 year olds should have access to the toilet at all times. I don't let my year 5 class go in lesson time but they are older and can plan better and wait. 3 year olds though should not be restricted at any time.

Doglikeafox · 03/10/2017 18:35

Totally agree with Silvery... some people just absolutely cannot go on demand... like me!
I could be absolutely bursting but if someone told me I had to go and have a wee and I wouldn't be able to for a long time afterwards my bladder would zip shut and I wouldn't be able to go
Trust me... it is as infuriating for us as it is for you!

Lm9004 · 03/10/2017 21:31

Did you find any information out OP.

Lm9004 · 03/10/2017 21:34

Doglikeafox

Which is why I said 3 year olds should go as needed. Year 5 on the other hand children are capable of holding it in.

Barbie222 · 03/10/2017 21:39

My class can go when they need. But there are only two cubicles so obviously sometimes you have to wait for one to be free, and better for a child to be waiting where you can see them at that age. Maybe that's it?

ThatsWotSheSaid · 03/10/2017 22:44

No body of any age should be holding it in or having 'safety wee's' on a regular basis. You need to have a full bladder otherwise you can end up with a overactive bladder. My DD has continence problems and she often wont speak up because she is extremely shy and self conscious. teach her to ask the adult in charge shy children know how to speak they are too shy to do it. You can't teach 'not shy' otherwise we'd all do it.

Lm9004 · 04/10/2017 00:15

I disagree. Once they get to year 3 and above they should only be going to the loo at breaktimes.

steppemum · 04/10/2017 10:49

or having 'safety wee's' on a regular basis.

This is crap, we all do it.
Going to Asda? Quick nip ot loo before I go so I don't have to juggle kids/shopping trolley and toilet half way round.

Going to be in a meeting all morning? Go to loo on the way so I don't need to leave meeting for the loo. Go agian at coffee break so I lats till lunchtime.
Going somewhere in car and going to be 1 hour? Go to loo so don't need to stop.

It is perfectly normal part of human behaviour. And one kids can learn early on.
There are a few people who can't, fair enough, but not unreasonable to start to learn.
Nursery should be able to wee any time, but by the time they are year 4 and above they will get firmer and firmer about going only at break time. Secondary schools can be notoriously harsh about it (nightmare for girls and periods, don't really approve, but do understand the principle about not just wondering to loo when you feel like it)

MrsStinkey · 04/10/2017 11:05

I have always had the opinion that it is inhumane to deny someone the right to go to the toilet if they need and would be very angry if it happened to one of my DD's. I would speak to the nursery for their version of events as it's likely they encourage the children to go before lunch to try and limit disruption during that time but for some people it's not possible to go to the toilet on demand and they can only go if they actually need so they should still be encouraging the children to ask to go to the toilet, not telling them it's wrong to do so.

Lm9004 · 05/10/2017 07:52

I was told by a boy he would piss on the floor because I wouldn't let him go to the toilet yesterday.

TooGood2BeFalse · 05/10/2017 09:24

At my SECONDARY school, a very strict grammar, we were allowed to go to the toilet whenever we needed as long as we asked politely. It was the same throughout primary school

My son is 5 and has a bladder like a steel bucket so never an issue, but the rule in his class is again, yes you can go whenever as you long as you ask the teacher politely (Yes, I actually asked their policy as DS is on the spectrum and I worried about that)

I think it's just bizarre to deny anyone the toilet when it is a bodily function

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