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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Second-hand car - AIBU?

22 replies

cathf · 02/10/2017 09:38

I don't think I am, but would value a bit of honest feedback here.
Obviously, what's done is done, but I am still seething!
Saw a second-hand car I was interested in buying last week on Ebay. Seller lives in the next postcode to me, price, age etc just right - perfect!
Emailed seller Wednesday morning asking if I could view that night. She agrees.
Get a message on Wednesday afternoon saying she is working late and has to cancel. I try to rearrange for the next day (Thursday), she says she can't and suggests Saturday. I can't make Saturday morning, and tell her so, we agree on 1.30.
I am aware that is a while away, so ask if she will hold the car for me, as I have been trying to view, and she agrees.
Auction on Ebay ends with the car unsold, so I feel slightly happier.
Thursday morning, the car is relisted with a Best Offer listing.
I contact the seller on Friday morning asking if I could view Friday night, and again, she refuses, saying it is not convenient. I confirm 1.30 the next day, and ask for her address. She refuses to give me address, asking me to message her Sat morning for the address.
Sat morning comes, I message her, she suggests 11.30 to view. I tell her again I can't come until 1.30, ask for her address again, and she says message her again at 12 for her address.
At 12, I get a message saying Car Now Sold.
I am really mad about this and told the seller so, pointing out I have been trying to view for three days, she promised to hold the car for me, and the least she could do was hold off other viewings until after I had viewed.
Her response: Boo-Hoo.
Was I expecting too much or is my anger completely justified??

OP posts:
sharklovers · 02/10/2017 09:43

YABU. First to turn up with the cash buys it.

Original poster
cathf · 02/10/2017 09:53

But I had been trying to buy it for three days!

OP posts:
Original poster
cathf · 02/10/2017 10:04

To clarify, obviously I know first come first served - I have sold cars myself in the past.
But I know if I was the seller in this situation, I would have put off other viewers until after I had viewed - what did the seller have to lose?
I was clearly going to turn up as I had been trying to view the blasted thing for three days!

OP posts:
peachgreen · 02/10/2017 10:13

But if you'd turned up and decided you didn't want it, she could have lost out on a sale. I agree with @sharklovers, whoever gets there first gets it. It is annoying because she cancelled on you in the first place but unfortunately it's just the way it goes.

notfromstepford · 02/10/2017 10:13

I think YABU purely because just because you seem keen and are making all the right noises about wanting the car, is no guarantee to them that you'll actually show.
If you wanted them to hold the car, you should have offered a deposit.

She did offer other times for you to see it, so it's not her fault you were unable to make it. Frustrating as it is, no way I'd hold a car for someone either unless they sent me a deposit via PayPal. Too many buyers out there that just don't show.

Glumglowworm · 02/10/2017 10:16

YABU sorry

What she had to lose was potentially a sale, if she refused the other buyer and then you didn't want the car when you saw it. She did offer you an earlier time to view, it's not her fault you couldn't make it

Her response was unnecessarily rude though

HolidayTimeAgain · 02/10/2017 10:24

YABU I've been messed around by potential buyers in the past, I would not have held the car for you.

araiwa · 02/10/2017 10:55

Snooze you lose

Firesuit · 02/10/2017 10:56

So Saturday morning was the first time it was convenient for her to meet a buyer, she sold to the first one to turn up at a time she could accommodate. That's perfectly reasonable.

What I would have done differently is not tell you I would hold the car, and not be rude afterwards. But I would still have sold to the other person.

Firesuit · 02/10/2017 10:58

Looking at the OP again, it's clear she had another buyer ahead of you in the queue, and was stringing you along in case that fell through. That's not nice, I wouldn't have done that.

Justdontknow4321 · 02/10/2017 10:59

Sat morning was clearly more convient for her, not the afternoon. Someone got in there before you. End off.
Yabu

araiwa · 02/10/2017 11:01

If you want somebody to hold the car for you, pay a deposit

The seller would be a fool to turn down a sale with nothing from you

TangledSlinky · 02/10/2017 12:50

what did the seller have to lose?

You weren't a guaranteed buyer, so the seller favoured someone who was either happy to buy unseen or could view when it was convenient to them i.e. saturday morning. They had no guarantees you would buy the car after the viewing or would even turn up at all so I can understand why they didn't hold off selling the car until after you saw it.

Original poster
cathf · 02/10/2017 12:54

Clearly IABU then Grin
Maybe I am old-fashioned, but I would not do business like this.
I would feel obliged to make any appointments after viewer 1 (me) if I had not been able to facilitate any viewings at all during the week.
I was reluctant to pay a deposit (I did think about offerine to doi so, and the seller didn't ask me to) but I held back because the seller was very cagey about giving me her address, even on the morning I was supposed to be viewing. I still don't know it.
My fear was that I paid a deposit, she disappeared and I lost the cash. I suppose, thinking about it, I would be able to open an Ebay dispute if that happened?
I do get first come, first served, snooze you lose etc, but I just think, morally, she has been a bit of an arse, frankly.

OP posts:
DontOpenDeadInside · 02/10/2017 13:06

Could also be that the other buyer lived further away so less likely to complain when something (inevitably) goes wrong

FizzyGreenWater · 02/10/2017 13:10

You didn't snooze though!

Agree she may have had someone else interested all along.

BUT- lucky escape. She could have been a lot straighter with you. All the address refusing etc- she was being cagey, I think she knew you were unlikely to get it. And the response? Just unnecessary nastiness, which tells you all you need to know.

So ask yourself - if you knew a real cowbag at work, rude, sneaky, possibly not to be trusted, would you want to buy a used car from them? Would you trust their description of its condition etc?

Lucky possible escape!

hula008 · 02/10/2017 13:13

I would feel obliged to make any appointments after viewer 1 (me) if I had not been able to facilitate any viewings at all during the week

But if you are selling a car fast and don't have the time, this is hard to do!

Original poster
cathf · 02/10/2017 13:41

The thing is - and the point most people seem to be missing - is that I didn't snooze!
I tried to view the blummin car Wed, Thur and Fri nights and the seller said it wasn't convenient!
I am sorry, I just think it was all a bit unfair and underhand, although as I said, I did suspect something like this when she consistantly would not give me her address.
If she had kept to the original date, I would have viewed on Wednesday night - she changed the date, not me.
Would posters really act like this? I would certainly not.

OP posts:
WestWithTheSun · 02/10/2017 13:47

I feel your pain, OP. I've spent a week trying to buy a second hand car, and have dealt with every kind of numpty seller going. Best one was the car I got 200 yards down the road in before it died. We ended up helping the seller push it into a pub car park where he abandoned it. Sellers who don't reply to messages, or who are never in for viewings are very annoying indeed.

peachgreen · 02/10/2017 13:52

But she offered you first viewing - earlier on the Saturday - and you couldn't make it...

Also it's very normal not to give out your address until the last minute - it means if the item sells, you don't give your address out unnecessarily.

I do understand why you're frustrated but it's all very normal I'm afraid!

makeourfuture · 02/10/2017 13:56

Classic contract law scenario. If i recall, seller's promise expires after a reasonable period.

Original poster
cathf · 02/10/2017 14:14

I know technically she is not in the wrong, I just thought ... I don't know ...morally (for want of a better word) she was BU.
Anyway, the MN jury has decided IABU so I shall retire to fume in solitude!

OP posts:
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