To feel like I am just skimming the surface of my life?

[custardlover]

I have 2 gorgeous, healthy DC, a big and busy (65+ hours per week) job that is exciting and pays well and a DH who I love and is great. I just don't feel very connected to any of it. I feel like I am always so busy that my life is a journey from one task to the next one but I don't get to enjoy the journey or the destination - it feels like ticking days off... until what I don't know. Intellectually I know how lucky I am and I appreciate my life a lot. I am not yearning for something else; I just want to feel like I'm living this one. I want to sit in my house and exhale and enjoy it instead of doing another chore (they never end). I want to think about Christmas - I used to love anticipation but I feel like I never anticipate anything anymore, it hurtles towards me with a to-do list.

I know this is a very 'poor me' kind of nonsense post and I feel guilty (constantly) even posting it. Does anyone else feel like this? Nothing is wrong, I would design my life to me like this and on paper it's great; I just don't feel like it's me living it - I feel like I'm looking through the eyes of someone else's head, detached and just skimming the surface.

I could have written your post. We don't have a mortgage anymore, so I've suggested downgrading jobs to enjoy life. DH won't consider it, which is making me very frustrated.

I feel like that too. I've got a great life really but it's relentless and I felt miserable. I've taken a bit of a step back workwise which makes all the difference. Can you take a couple of days off for yourself?

I get this OP. I don't know what the solution is though.

Yes. The solution for me was giving up work.

Could also have written this. I feel as though a switch has been turned off. Am going to docs this week to see if it's related to early menopause.

YES YES YES YES

I have struggled to fully express my feelings around this, 'overwhelmed' etc

but skimming the surface is perfect description.
How do we stop it?

Oh yes, I think so many women feel like this. Jobs/careers are all encompassing then family life and kids activities on top.
Sometimes it feels like if I ever stop I won't be able to get going again so the cycle continues.
I have been told to slow down by medical professionals due to health issues but for some reason my brain won't allow it, it's like I have to forge on at all costs!
Anyway, I don't know what the solution is but I understand how you feel.

I wonder if something as simple as actually having a day off (a real one, e.g. not catching up on emails/laundry) would make me feel like I'm real again? I feel like a ghost (not as maudlin as it sounds - not horrible, just not properly there).

Yes

Would you really design your life to have 65+ hours of work though? I average 50+ with travel but am trying to figure out ways of getting it down even more (the perennial challenge and I am often my own worst enemy as exciting things come up...)

Can you have a "things I am not going to do" list? I find it hard to switch off and always run from one thing to the other but actively deciding I am not going to do things helps a smidgen

I love the idea of a real day off but can see how I would actually not "allow" myself to
Take it

I feel like this too. Don't know what the answer is but it's quite scary and I don't know how to change it or if that's even possible!!

We bought a caravan. Now a couple of weekends a month we go away somewhere close to home in the caravan. I don't have internet, I don't do chores, we spend quality time together and do walks, pub lunches etc... It does load the week pretty heavily to make time for these weekends out but I feel it is very much worth it!

I find I even resent my leisure time if it is still organised . So, for example, a few weekends ago, I had a spa day with friends which was great, but was another thing on the list, with prep before and jobs after. I remember having a slower life prior to this, time to just 'be'
I now never seem to have headspace or just 'dead ' time - even during that spa day I was with people, no headspace or time to just feel myself enjoying it.