To think support group activities should be affordable

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Our family attend a support group for children dealing with a particular health condition and their families.

The proposed trip at Christmas this year is to a trampoline park an hour's drive away at £15 a head. We have four dc.

A "ladies' night" for the mums, again an hour away involving an overnight stay and cocktail making classes is also in the pipeline. It will cost at least £200.

We can't afford to join in. But compared to many families we have good jobs.

My opinion is that the expensive activities in inaccessible locations are excluding a lot of families and making it a group for a minority of well off people.

The committee's opinion is that when activities are subsidised, people turn up for a free day out but don't come to the regular meets.So they will no longer subsidise activities.

My opinion is that those who can't afford a day out need support the most. And that the group is making these people more isolated by effectively excluding them.

I have fed this back to the committee and everyone hates me for it. I've been accused of making people feel greedy and awful when all they want us a break from the daily grind. And their opinion is that the activities are reasonable and that people just prioritise spending differently.

I don't want activities subsidised for my family but for people who really couldn't join in anything.

AIBU to think activities should be accessible to all?

So what free activities have you offered to organise and coordinate?

Organising events is actually a huge task, and I don't blame volunteers for getting fed up with those who show up for a free day out and don't participate in the rest of the group.

If these free events are so important to you, then put up your hand and offer to do the work.

Surely the regular meetings are free and supportive? Just a few more expensive ones every so often.

That is a good point, Midnite. I'm a bit socially anxious so I haven't. But I also think the committee are to blame and don't welcome others chipping in.

I am one of those who attend regularly but not on the committee.

I think rather than wanting free events for my family, I'm struggling with the fact that many people won't be able to attend at all. And that so many seriously expensive events are happening.

The regular meetings aren't free, there is a charge per family to cover running costs.

And they are held in an inaccessible location for anyone without transport (not inaccessible for me, it's a two minute walk for me, but is quote remote for any others).

I think it's quite isolating for people not being able to join in with events. And not everyone has the skills or ability to contribute to the running of the group. I'm perfectly able and willing to help, I am not talking about me but about others who can't access the group.

I can see though that perhaps those doing the organisation are feeling that I'm criticising without contributing. That's a useful insight!

Trampoline park the only thing you are missing out on is a trip to a&e. I can see too why if you have the money and are able to then a night away can give a parent a real respite from the grind of life with a child with an illness. Having said that I am not sure why there can't be more activities too - what has happened before? Can some of those things still happen? I am guessing that many people who spend £15 on a trip to a&e trampoline park and £200 on a night away would also be able to spend £3 on a trip to the swimming pool and £15 on a night out locally. Can you ring round a few places and see if there is anywhere near that would give you a discount for the children's activities?

I would maybe say that while you appreciate the trips sound great - and if you can afford it a night away might be fun, would they mind if you also helped to arrange a few cheaper outings for the spring term - or whenever won't clash with the expensive dates.

I’m borderline on if you ABU/NBU. You keep saying ‘this doesn’t apply to me’ - what if it doesn’t apply to anyone in the group (for now) and everyone can afford it? Let them have their fun!
However, I would suggest setting up a discretionary fund for people who maybe can’t afford these things in the future, as a future proofing option.

Do you know specific others who would like to come to the regular meetings but can't due to money or are they people who generally just turn up for free days out?

I think that there is a middle ground to be found. Why should the regulars just subsidise people who only come for free jollies. Maybe though if the events will no longer be free there could be a lower subscription fee for those who struggle to afford it. I would have thought that the regular support would be more useful than the once a year trips in supporting the parents. Once these other people are regularly attending maybe the committee members will recognise their needs more.

Trips aren't once a year, maybe every few weeks.

Good point that at present everyone in the group can afford it (except me! But I genuinely am more concerned about people who can never afford to come).

Arranging some cheaper trips is a good idea!

There are specific others who are members of the fb group but don't come to meets and I suspect can't afford it shouldwe but I don't know that for sure.

YANBU

A slightly different situation but at some Carer's groups in the past I found that the activities organised to 'improve carer's wellbeing' were expensive, but most often required a lot of time away from the caree; something which is not possible for many people - no other carer/ no repsite care etc. And the activites could also be tiring in themselves so not good for people who were worn out.

One acitivity was a spa day 35 miles away where we got one free 30 minute treatemnt. What on earth would you do for the rest of the day?! but lots of others were able to book extra treatments and luch so could fill the day up. And there was no attempt to help with transport. I couldn't go and was annoyed that council money was used to fund it. It would have been perfectly possible to do something similar locally but the better off carers and/or those who did less caring and the council paid organisers (who got free jollies) were driving the meetings and activity planning and quite a few got left behind. With this group even local meetings required buying expensive coffee (at a cafe so awkward to not to buy anything), which I could not afford.

I think it is really important to make sure that those worse off or struggling most can access the support - as you say, it is those that often need it most. and might also find it most difficult to speak up or engage with any planning.

Put suggestions forward for free days out. Be proactive on that point. Or organize a free event or two.
Don't moan about things - change things.

In your original post, you said that the expensive trips aren't inclusive to everyone, but is that your opinion or do you have others in the group who think the same? If so, jointly write a letter to the Committee outlining this, and offer to organise something.

If you are the only person with this opinion, then maybe you have to agree to disagree.

It can be really difficult to organise events, particularly on a voluntary basis and no matter what you do, you can't please everyone.