To feel so let down by everyone?

[Strugglinglately]

I'm literally at breaking point. Everything is so messed up. And I feel so let down by everyone in my life and especially let down by my mental health team.

I have bipolar disorder- mixed affective state, diagnosed for a year. I've tried cocktails of medications and ended up on a huge whack of different meds. I came off them six weeks ago after struggling with all that I took and have gone deeper into a depression ever since. My CPN doesn't seem to care that much or be supportive. Appointments are made and then cancelled and never rearranged. I chase them and never hear anything back. I call the crisis team whom pass on messages that never get answered. I feel seriously failed. There have been huge gaps in my care and management of my condition. I'm suppose to be supported but I'm left to suffer alone.

The person I was suppose to be in a relatio ship has let me down massively and I don't even know where I stand anymore. He's been very hurtful today and said many a nasty things including calling me crazy. This is someone whom stated they'd stand by me and understood my condition. Yeah right they've made me feel as small as a mouse. I've put up with his complicated sitiation and supported him. I'm not strong enough to stay but I'm not strong enough to walk away either. I'm confused. I'm hurt. I feel emotionally abused.

I'm so fragile right now and I don't know what to do or where to turn to. I feel like I cant even make decisions for myself. I'm barely functioning and can just make it through work medicated on diazepam.

My lifes a mess.

Try to take a step back from yourself. Nothing is as bad as it seems.
Relationships are hard at the best of times, now doesn't seem like a good time to be in one. Take some time out. Be single for a while. Let the relationship rollercoaster settle.
Wait until your mental health is stable. Do you have DC?

One child. I keep everything seperate from him. He doesn't see the struggle

I'm surprised the crisis team are so useless. You need to relax tonight and tackle more help tomorrow.

You're already doing a lot if you are working, have a dc and a shit partner.

Is there anything nice you can do?

All I get is an email will be sent to your care co coordinator.

When I phone the on duty RMN at opening time its been either left till 4.30pm before someone calls me back. I've had occasions where I dont hear back for days on end even though I phone back every day.

There's no clear care plan in place. Its me and a box of diazepam, second guessing how much to take.

The thing is I don't know what I want to do. I don't want to do anything. I'm depressed and at rock bottom.

My moods are switching between low and high so fast that I can't keep up.

Can your gp help influence it? Have you got work tomorrow?

It's sunday night, can you get a nice hot drink, put some music on, maybe some diazepam (don't know what strength you take or how it affects you) and try to curl up and feel safe x

I have 5mg diazepam tablets. I've taken six so far today and feel no effect.

I have worked all day. I have work tomorrow. I work in a high pressured environment with constant face to face contact.

What you've taken 30mg? Dial 111 and get a nice hot drink x

To me.. it sounds like you need an assessment in a hospital. Just coming off your drugs will make you feel depressed. You need these drugs and it sounds like a psychiatrist needs to have input. As for your local services I think you need the help of Patient advice liaison service or a mental health advocacy service who can speak up for you.

Do you feel more relaxed now?

I have no wise words, but I understand the mental health team issues you're experiencing.

Mine discharged me with nothing beginning of this year. They said 'Well, everyone dies and we can't help you' - Never even saw a psychiatrist. Just sent home to die. No treatment whatsoever.
Almost 10 months later and i'm no different. My flaming crisis team sent me home to die and honestly, every time I think of it, I just cry. I don't even have a diagnosis. They just pretty much told me my life isn't worth it.

I can relate to your feelings of being let down, I really can. It is difficult when professionals seem so uninterested. I really do hope you manage to get this sorted