But can I just really hate my job right now??

[StewPots]

I work as a HCP and the last few weeks have been horrendous. I was hit badly at work a few weeks ago which set off an existing condition in my shoulder (aggravated AC joint). I then had to have a few days off due to concussion.

My first shift back was today and I was spat at, hit, had a hot drink and a remote control thrown at me, threatened with stabbing and called every name under the sun...by the same person who happened to hurt me the other week.

This person has dementia and I try every technique I know (and I know a few...been doing the job a long time now and hold a Senior position) but nothing calms this person, nothing works... I just feel it must be me!! I have to say this person has been checked for a UTI etc so all clear on that score.

But I engage really well with every other person I look after to the point that the majority gave me such huge smiles this afternoon when I came back because although they don't remember me as such, they remember the happy emotions they feel when I'm around - so I don't know.

Anyway. I get paid minimum wage to be practically physically attacked and verbally abused, risk my mental and physical health and I guess my AIBU would be... would I be wrong to quit my job and change career completely but let down the great staff I work with and more importantly the other amazing people I look after??

I was shaking after work tonight because I'd basically had to give this person 1-1 care to ensure they didn't fall and hurt themselves or other people, but in doing so I was physically hurt and had to listen to the most horrendous things. I'm just fed up and my family are seriously worried.

I also worked in a hospital so have seen some really traumatic things but even that didn't make me feel like this.

Sorry I'm rambling now so I'll leave it there.

Eliza I worked as a NHS HCA across the hospitals last year as bank but sadly work dried up and I had to go back to my old job as it provided a more stable income.

But now I just think it's because I really don't want to do it anymore. It sounds harsh but all I do is look after people at work, at home...I'm just rambling because I'm so stressed, sorry.

I worked in a home for dementia sufferers with challenging behaviour like this. there was certain residents who for instance, were triggered by short brunettes (reminding them of wife, daughter etc)
and would lash out have you noticed what it is that could be triggering the resident?
your manager shouldn't be putting you on the Rota for a 1-1 with the resident if this is what's happening. you need to speak to them about it.
I had a gentleman who was lovely. except to short brunettes. he was very tall and very mobile. unpredictable at best he would go from holding your hand to throwing you into a door and then dragging you by your hair. I refused to work with him in the end and spent weeks convincing the manager he needs a male carer (he was only violent towards women)
have they given your "self defence" training? can't remember what it's actually called but it shows you exactly how to get out of being restrained, avoid being hit etc
I left for similar reasons as the job is stressful. they refused any of my annual leave even after I begged so I left.
you could transfer to a few different roles if you word it right on your CV. you've spent your time in employment dealing with situations most haven't. so customers would be no issue to you.
or a residential home for little old dears who aren't as challenging. you could do a course online or at your local college to brush up your admin skills and apply for admin positions in health care settings.
hope you feel better soon OP. I know how stressful and unsupported you can feel as a staff member in a challenging home.

Pastry thank you. It seems it's just a decline in this person unfortunately, and the only trigger appears to be the time of day but then that in itself is not absolute - once this person starts then it can go on for hours, through the night and into the next day. I've come in on a morning to still find the behaviour present but then days go by when they are relatively calm or behaviour whilst very challenging can be stopped from escalating.

But I know that even if it's not this particular person, it will be another once the dementia sets off that decline.

GPs are (quite rightly in some circumstances) unwilling to increase medication and I totally get that. I hate homes where they unnecessarily sedate the client through use of behavioural drugs. But I'm finding that my coping mechanisms are falling apart. This person makes me cry to be honest. I would never ever hurt them back but I don't know what to do.

I'm rambling again sorry - had three hours sleep last night following a bloody 6 hour shift.

While I don't agree with the 'chemical coshh' that used to happen, with wandering or confused people being sedated to just keep them quiet, I think to some extent, it's gone too far the other way and everyone is too scared to medicate, when actually it may honestly be in the persons best interest at times. Someone crying, screaming, hurting themselves and others, because of dementia, is someone in psychological pain. Many times the ability to understand is no longer there, the reasoning system is lost, leaving someone scared, confused and disoriented. When all other aspects have been explored I personally think it's cruel to leave someone feeling like that. If it were physical pain then no one would think twice about administering a form of pain relief, so a small sedative, that will just calm someone and help give them some respite from the problems should be appropriate. But thanks to past cultures of drugging EMI patients into their chairs, and the outcry (rightly so) it's an absolute mine field. But having experienced myself MH problems where I've had no respite from the psychological torture, and seen others go through it with little or no help, it's something I feel strongly about. If my mum was so confused, violent, upset etc and there was nothing physical that could be used to help her, if even 1-1 care and talking, calming etc just no longer worked, I'd want her to have something to help her be calm and settled. I wouldn't want her drugged out of her mind, but I wouldn't want her tortured by her own brain either.

Have you thought about activities coordinator? Same sphere but a different aspect, and many used to be care workers.
Also could you take something short term? You don't have to go into the next job forever, you could look at it as a short term solution until you really find something else. Say some pub or hotel or shop work, so you're earning, but not having to stay where you are now under those pressures, but with the knowledge you are still looking for the admin role you really want.

Beerwench Absolutely agree with your whole post there. We have to document everything to such an extent to try and get minimal medical relief for people we care for, and then when that no longer works we have to go through the whole process again, in which time that person becomes increasingly distressed...and when you do approach for outside help they speak to you like you're stupid, like you haven't explored and exhausted every avenue...it's just soul destroying when all you want is to help someone feel calm and comfortable and keep them from harm.

Yes that might be a good idea are activities co-ordinator. I also have a sideline in that I control the social media pages for the company my husband works with (which I'm hoping is where this job will materialise but the company is changing its infrastructure) but this has opened up networking opportunities so I may take it from there.

The meds review won't necessarily mean an increase in sedation.
We've had some who were taken off just about everything, given a short break followed by a single medication new tp them and found that helped. So until the psychiatrist reviews and tries to sort it all out.
The sundowners happens so often, it's like a switch goes off at 7.30 in our EMI home. Then all hell breaks loose. One starts and it triggers others. We even rearranged who went where after tea, to separate, those who are triggered by a main culprit etc. It's such a puzzle to figure out.
I wouldn't recommend going to general NHS wards as every one I've worked on we ended up with at least one usually more EMI patient who was waiting for a bed in an EMI home. They have a much harder time in the hospital and are harder to calm and look after it's hard after seeing them somewhere appropriate where they are safer.

Troels yes that's true, a few of our residents had medication reduced just to see and had a good effect.

Yes in ours it's 5.30-6pm and guaranteed one of the residents becomes agitated and the domino effect kicks in. Always fun when you are trying to concentrate on medication. It is usually this one person who does kick it off though. Last night we had to evacuate the residents out the dining room for their own safety so it was basically me and the person in there. Incredibly stressful and awful.

I am going to volunteer at my DH office once a week to get my office skills up to date then hopefully that will "prove my mettle" and lead to a permanent paid position. If not at least I'll have a reference and relevant office experience. So there's hope I may get out yet.

I can't offer you much advice in terms of what to do because I don't know anything about healthcare jobs. I can say that yes, you are very very welcome to hate your job right now. I know how that feels.

I've come out of an industry I'd spent my entire working life in because it pretty much destroyed me. At first I was devastated because I was really good at it, but now I'm cool and I'm in a completely different industry. However, you also mention that apart from your one patient the rest of the people you see pretty much warm your heart. It's such a tough position to be in

What I can offer you a bit of advice on is the concussion. I do a really rough contact sport and I've had concussion more than once. "A few days off" is not enough - a few weeks is a more sensible minimum. Only in the past few years has the medical profession come to realise how serious concussion really is.

High emotions, crying a lot, being unable to sleep, being irritable and confused are all symptoms of a concussion especially one that's not being treated correctly or being controlled. If you don't look after yourself in the immediate aftermath it may not heal properly.

I take repeated hits to the head and do everything I can to minimise the risk of concussion and the aftermath if I do get one. I totally understand how hard it can be to convince people there is something wrong with you, or just drop everything and rest.

I know it comes from the CDC, but it's a far better resource than any UK institutions I've found for directing people to information about concussion:
www.cdc.gov/traumaticbraininjury/recovery.html

Best of luck with whatever you decide to do - you're between a rock and a hard place

Please don't apologise -I'm sorry for making suggestions you'd clearly already thought of. You sound a wonderful caring person who any of us would be fortunate to have looking after us or our parents but it should not be to the detriment if you and it sounds like it's destroying you from the inside. I hope you manage to find a good place to work soon before you are more unwell and can't cope with it all.

Well another awful day at work. And another incident of being assaulted. Again spat at and smacked in the face. I've really had enough. I can't face going in tomorrow but I have to. It's ridiculous.

I actually burst into tears in the meds cupboard because I can't handle it anymore. I don't know what to do. I have to go back but everything in my body screams not to :(

I'd suggest getting a temporary christmas job just to get you out of there. Somewhere where all you do is go to work, do your job then go home. When you've done that for a bit and relaxed, then find something else. You're on minimum wage now, so doing another minimum wage job for a bit won't hurt, even if it's not in your usual field.

MadDizzy yes that has crossed my mind. I just feel so guilty because all the other people I look after are pretty much spot on I'm so fond of them and I work hard to keep them all safe and well, plus my boss is good and I'd hate to let her down...but I've used that reasoning before and I'm still here :/

You have to be selfish sometimes. No point grinding yourself into the dirt for them, you'd be no use anyway after a while if you burn out completely. Your mental and physical health is more important than a job, and harsh as it sounds, no one is indespensible.

Stew - would you consider TA work? I imagine that dealing with the things you do would put you in good stead for dealing with schools and kids.

What about care agencies? They charge a fortune to families. Weren’t minimum wage as i remember. I worked for them in uni holidays and had easy placements in comparison to your current job.

I honestly think you need a couple of weeks off. Could your dr sign you off? Are you a member of a union? Could they help? I really think that it is unreasonable for you to be the 1-2-1 for someone who has assaulted you.

So many hospitals have closed down. There used to be more children’s hospitals, adolescent wards, elderly hospitals and now we are working on bare minimum. So many patients need help and we dont have the beds and everything is in crisis.

I left the medical profession years ago. I was all “cared’ out. In the end I didn’t give a shit. I couldn’t. The managers were fucking terrible and the really tricky patients (who in my field were usually addicts) were indulged and allowed to run rings round us.

Years have passed and now i find myself going back into looking after the vulnerable via education.

It sucks. I am sorry your job is so sad and hard. And you are given so little support.

StewPots, you need to get out of that right away. At least get yourself signed off with stress, it's clear you are totally stressed out.

Don't worry about leaving the other residents, or how the rest of the staff will cope. You need a bit of self preservation to save your sanity and physical health which is being worn down by the stress as well as the attacks.

Thank you for your replies again everyone. I've managed to get 3 hours sleep tonight and even my dreams are all about my workplace so it's going to be a very long day today indeed.

There's no way I could go off with stress unfortunately - their argument would be that everyone is in the same boat and as a senior with all the training I should cope like the others do.

However I will say one of the seniors is deputy manager and has a habit of playing things down so that results in all the stuff to sort out falling at my door. She is convinced this person is fine because she's ok in her shifts - I know that's not true because hcas have told me otherwise. This makes it harder for this person to get properly assessed and treated.

Luckily my boss was there tonight to intervene and say first hand what goes on so she will be bringing in the specialist dementia team from the mental health unit.

U fortunately I just find that my sympathy for this person is disappearing. They are also now apologising afterwards for everything which is bizarre and I have to stand there and smile and say don't worry about it when they've just basically assaulted me. Cam you imagine doing that in normal real life situations??

I'm working hard to getting in the books at this other place but the business is being rejigged so will have to see if they can give me the hours I need but hopefully I'll find that out soon.

In the meantime I am looking for something else part time.

This job has basically ruined my tolerance for people - I'm a polite helpful and hard working person who hates seeing people upset or distressed but right now? I never want to work in a caring role again be it in hospitality or current field.

Stewpot. Start now by going to a jobs website (recommend indeed.co.uk) and start searching for jobs areas you think you'd llke to work in (e.g admin. ) Look through the job details and see what skills they are asking for. I think this will give you a really good idea of what's out there and what interests you, make you realise what transfer skills you do have and hopefully give your self esteem a much needed boost when you realise what opportunities there are out there for you.

Then take the bull by the horns and apply for at least one job even if it's just to make you feel like you are doing something positive and that there is a way out.

Mums I've been doing that in the evenings but there's not a great deal round my way at the moment. I don't drive either so that narrows it down, but I'm going to keep looking.

Just getting ready to head out the door. I'm dreading it all.

There's no way I could go off with stress unfortunately - their argument would be that everyone is in the same boat and as a senior with all the training I should cope like the others do.

Of course you can!! Make an appointment to see your GP and explain everything you have said here.

I know that the healthcare sector is very bad in looking after their own staff when they are ill, but it's their problem, not yours.

There's no way I could go off with stress unfortunately - their argument would be that everyone is in the same boat and as a senior with all the training I should cope like the others do.

It's not up to them to decide.
Your health is being wrecked. Talk to your GP.

I've been in that situation but my employers made sure no-one was alone with the person.
If the person apologises you don't have to say it's okay. Even for someone with dementia, you can ask them not to do it again. It might stick in their mind and help them to behave better.

The important thing is to get yourself out of the situation. Go to your GP!

Thanks again for the replies everyone, luckily today was totally different from yesterday (par for the course in care!) and even the person concerned was lovely all day...but I was on edge all day because that's exactly what happened yesterday. Thank god it didn't and I made it out of there in one piece!

I'm off to bed now but will keep you all updated with my progress. Thank you for listening to my mad ranting so far and yes, you're all right - I need to get myself out and sorted.

I'm glad you had a better day. What now though?