To not give ex BF a 2nd chance?

[Cakemakeslifebetter]

A few years ago, my BF at the time had a baby and then made it very obvious she no longer wanted me in her life. I'm still not sure exactly why and mutual friends don't seem to know either but it's what she wanted and while it was very upsetting for me at the time I am over it now.

I now have a child and I think she may be trying to rekindle our friendship. We live close so will often bump into each other (baby groups/parties etc). She has started to make conversation with me which I am always polite about but still pretty stand-offish. And she has messaged me chit chat recently. She could also just might be acting polite and has no intention of becoming friends again but it's doesn't feel that way.

DH thinks I should give her another chance and become friends again but I'm reluctant as I feel the only reason she wants to know now is because I'm a mother now.
I do know, through mutual friends, that she's been having a rough time lately so DH thinks that may be why she's reaching out and that is why I should give her a chance but I dunno... what do you lot think?

I would, but I'm a massive softy!

Having a baby can be a very isolating experience. Did she just shut you out or all of your mutual friends?

I personally wouldn't bother although I would continue to be polite. She has proved herself to be fickle and unreliable and who needs a friend like that?

@FenceSitter01 just me. I maybe did something wrong but no one has ever told me if I did and she is definitely the type to have it out with you if you did her wrong.

Could be something as simple as she felt inadequate. Post baby blues can really play with your mind.

Have you thought about asking her directly? I think I'd be for asking outright 'BF, you haven't spoken to me for X months, why the sudden interest?'

@FenceSitter01 inadequate? it's been years not months. Her 2nd child is close in age with my 1st.

I'd ask her. Either she'll have a reason and you can consider it based on that, or she'll bluff that it's in your head in which case you know to carry on as you're doing.

Do you need or want her in your life?

Honestly, I wouldn't

I've been dumped by friends before and looking back I can see I was giving far more to the friendship than they were anyway.

If they called me up now, I'd probably meet just out of curiosity, but I don't need people like that in my life

I'd go along with polite chit chat but I wouldn't be jumping at anything else. Acquaintance status will do.

Well, I'm not sitting picking through the bones of your OP - you either want to be friends or not. So make your choice.

If she's on your social media (messaging) I'd ask why you haven't defriended her. If shes text messaging, I wouldn't respond. Or I'd be asking what the problem is/was.

The thing is even if you can rationalize her dropping you in some way (e.g. She was depressed, stuff was going on etc etc etc) there's no point really trying to fix the friendship if all the time you are waiting for her to do it again . . .

To be a really good friend you have to able to trust her, but trust isn't so easy to fix once she has let you down so much

In similar circumstances I sort of made enough peace so I could have reasonable chats with no obvious awkwardness when we bumped in to each other, but never tried to regain the closeness that we had before

Nah fuck her life is too short to be putting up with that shit, be polite but no way would I be friends with her like before

Did she actually tell you she didn't want you in her life? Or just stop getting in touch? Those 2 scenarios are very different, the latter may have been due to PND. It's difficult to know how to advise you without more info.

As it was just you she shut out and she hasn't bothered to get in touch with you since, you've got nothing to lose by asking her causally when you see her, or in reply to her chit chat why she stopped being friends then see what she says.

If she's not making an effort to apologise for having done it and I'd gutlessly pretending it didn't happen I wouldn't bother.

Yep, she may be going through a hard time but she ended the friendship and has chosen not to know if/when you've had tough patches in your life! So she can lean on the people she didn't bin off.

@redsquirrel2 it was never said but it was made very obvious. Hard to give details without being too outing but aside from no time to call/text, excuses were made for why I couldn't visit her and her little one, she excluded me from events/nights out etc. Eventually I got the hint and gave up contact.

Maybe you need a frank conversation with her Cakes Your DH sounds nice btw.

Cheeky fucker alert - she is lining you up for some favours! New friendship equals sleepovers, babysitting, 'sorry running late could you you blah blah blah'.