...to think this really isn't on?

[ChineseFireball]

My DB wants my 82-year-old DF to visit him and his family (BIL and 3 teen DCs) for tea. My DF would love to go, of course. However, DB lives about 50 miles away. He has asked that my DF get the train (involving a taxi to the station and a 90-minute journey with one change, as well as the price of the ticket), but surely it would be better for them to get in the car and travel to have tea with DF? If it was an overnight or even a full day visit I'd not be so bothered, but a >3 hours' journey for an 82-y-o seems a bit much for a fairly short visit.

For avoidance of dripfeed, DF is fairly fit and mobile but tires easily and has days when he "feels his age". 2nd DC has some additional needs but these do not impact on ability to travel.

I get that hauling 5 people out is a faff, but is it less inconvenient than expecting DF to get the train?

What does your DF say about it?

DF wants to go but is a bit miffed that he is expected to get the train. He'll do it, and not complain (to DB and BIL, at least! 🤐), but he isn't over the moon.

Are they doing it to try and encourage your DF to keep active both mentally and physically? We used to do similar with my Grandma because once she reached a certain age people stopped inviting her places and just went to see her, or picked her up on the way rather than meeting her there. She was more than capable of getting the bus to town etc but she started to not have to go anywhere herself or even leave the house and you could see it start to affect her physically and mentally. We started to invite her for lunch and a bit of shopping in town but make up a reason why we had to meet her there just so she would walk to the end of her street and get on the bus. She used to really enjoy it and met some bus friends that she always used to chat to on the bus and at the bus stop.

I wouldn't get involved. It's between him and his son. If he complains to you, encourage him to speak to db about it instead. He needs to say no really, but it's for him to do, not you.

@ineed no - DF potters locally quite happily.
@Pascall you're right of course - I've told DF to say "Sorry, that won't work for me" (thanks MN) if he's unhappy about it, but I wondered if I was being a grump!

Could they compromise?

DF gets the train there but FB drives him home. No need to take the others out then.

DB!

myob?

It sounds a faff just to go to dinner. Is he spending the day with them?

Could DB run him home afterwards?

Thanks for suggestions - compromise sounds do-able and I'll suggest that!

I'd be happy to drive myself but unfortunately live even further away!