My childhood tormentor's child being mean to DD

[xrayyankeezulu]

Right bare with me because I know this will be long winded but there's a very long backstory....

When I was at secondary school I was bullied relentlessly by one girl in the year above me. Called me names, made up rumours about me, printed posters off & put them up around school, wrote on the toilet walls & desks about me, broke into my locker all sorts of things. The highlight was painting a tampon red & tucking it into the back pocket of my trousers during assembly. She was an out & out fucking bitch!! I still to this day don't know why it was me, I'd never met her before starting that school the only thing I can think of was that I was quite popular & had a lot of male friends from her year & she didn't like it. Luckily it never really got to me as much as she would of liked, don't get me wrong it was bloody awful but I had a lot of friends & just got on with school life. My last year when she'd left was great & I didn't see her for several years after that.

When I was 21 I spotted her on a night out, I just carried on with my night - after all we were adults now!! I could see that she kept looking over at me then over dramatic laughing with her friends, not so grown up after all. They had to walk past us when leaving & as she went past SHE SPAT IN MY FACE!! I lost it completely & beat her up. She got the police involved, I got arrested yet she decided not to press charges further down the line. I'm not proud of it, I've heard 'violence isn't the answer' time & again but I won't lie & say that it didn't feel good! I've seen her a few times since then & she always turns in the other direction.

12 years on in present day & my DD has just started reception at the same school where her youngest daughter is in year 6. They do this lovely thing where each new starter is paired with a 'partner' from year 6, they sit with them at dinner take them out at playtime etc. Low & behold DD's partner is her daughter, Sod's law or what?? I didn't actually realise to begin with as her D has a different surname, we must of both married since. DD came home from school this week upset because she said her partner had said 'her mum told her not to be nice to her' & has apparently asked school if she can swap partners. They're children FFS & I can't help thinking she'll model her child to be as nasty & horrible a person as she is!! I think it's probably best that DD does get a new partner but I really want to pull her mother up on it. I've thought about sending her a message via Facebook or pulling her in the playground but part of me knows it would escalate & that's probably just what she'll want.

So I don't really know what I wanted to achieve by writing this post, possibly just to vent but AIBU I'm thinking that she's just a evil bitch & a leopard never changes its spots?? WWYD in the same situation??

Do not message her

Talk to the school, explain your history, report what her DD said and request a new buddy for your DD.

No, but do tell the school - her poor daughter doesn't need to be dragged into her weird grudge fest (and neither does yours of course).

I think you only need tell your child's teacher that you and this woman have 'some history' and what the older girl said to your daughter. It is sad for your daughter, but also must be confusing for the older girl. Sounds like an actual adult needs to step in there.

Honestly? I would request the partner change myself. A woman so vile and cruel to someone who never did anything to warrant it and is now encouraging her child to do the same needs to be removed as far from you and your daughter's lives as possible. Tell the school the exact reason why too. Tell them your own school bully has told her daughter to bully yours now.

Let the school deal with it.

Fuck she sounds awful!
Personally I'd go in to the school and ask for your dd to change buddies. Possibly mention what the girl had said to your dd

By the way, good for you for beating the snot out of her. I know it's all kinds of wrong but seriously, how much would we all like to have done that to our own bullies?

I would have nothing to do with her. Let the school know what has gone on and ask for a partner change yourself and also that they keep an eye on things.

‘Tell them your own school bully has told her daughter to bully yours now.’
This is great advice from pp then let the school deal with it but do make sure that a change of partner is sorted ASAP otherwise it will spoil your daughters first few weeks of school

Do not contact her in anyway whatsoever. You do not want to end up the bad guy here.
Do tell the school there is history with the current partner and please can the find her a new partner asap. Don't get into details
This girl will soon be leaving, and thank goodness you won't have any further contact.
Good for you that you sorted her out, remind yourself that you are strong but will not reduced to a child. Particularly in a school environment. Your dd has just started focus on making friends, her school life and your future. You are unlikely to encounter them again

Blimey.
Do NOT contact her, let the school handle it.

Talk to the school. Tell them what you've told us and that you don not want any word of what you've told them to get back to the mother

Do not message her. Let her request a partner change and then when it happens, explain to the school why you think it is. Then she will look like the nasty piece of work she is. The school with gently question her child and find out what has been going on!! You will look extremely tolerant and forgiving and will be better thought of than her.

By the way, good for you for beating the snot out of her

THIS ^ What Sanity said.

Stuff this "being the bigger person" lark - I wish I had the opportunity to knockeseven bells out of the absolute cows who made my school (and work) life a living hell! And if I ever get the opportunity I hope I'm brave enough to take it.

(And spitting is filthy)

Good on you for getting back at the bully. Like the previous posters have said, please don't have anything at all to do with her in any shape or form. She sounds unhinged. Let the school know and let them deal with it.

Don't engage but it may be worth informing the school. If she does this then it is likely that there is other emotional abuse going on.

Spat in your face??? Is that not assault over there? How was she not arrested too? I would have done the same thing as you I'm sure, Jesus Christ on a cracker.
Tell the school, make them switch give your dd a new partner, and stay the hell away from that absolute disgusting loon. Do not confront her!!

Well done for beating her up 😂! I think I would have in secondary school too tho!
Defo speak to the school and get a partner change!
What a FUCKING BITCH!!!!

Do not contact this woman.

Please go into school and request a new buddy for you child. Tell them as much or as little as you wish to about your past.

If anything escalates I would deal with it only in relation to the children and not the past, my personal feeling is that although you were very justified in your reaction to being spat at, really this is not something to bring into this situation now.

Ach no that is just shit do not contact her speak to school on monday tell them everything and get your dd a new buddy. I am sorry this is rearing its head again it is hard i have been there when bullies resurface.

I know violence isn't the answer etc eye but....she didn't actually stop hounding you until you decked her. She's not exactly Beatrix Kiddo.

Tell the school and get a partner change. You can't control this fruitcake but you can keep the daughters out of it.

Thanks all for your replies, no I think I definitely need to take the high ground & steer clear of messaging her but I've been raging since Friday about the whole thing. I'll go in & talk to school in the morning & give them the full story, she seems to be a big one for getting involved in school things so maybe they'll get an opener about her too! Horrible cow!!

Well done on beating the crap out of her.
If I were you I would be very proud.

TBH if you give the school the full facts (including the fact you assaulted her and there was police involvement) I think they will definitely go for a partner change.