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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu not to accept compliments

9 replies

Seeyamonday · 30/09/2017 21:24

I made a Chinese meal from scratch tonight, duck spring rolls, chicken spring rolls, beef Satay, noodle salad, and assorted dipping sauces . My husband and my 24 yr old son were telling me how good it was, I was pointing out the faults, spring rolls (3)had burst, Satay sauce was a bit spicy, soy sauce and sesame oil sauce was a bit intense. It took me 3hrs to prep the dinner, why couldn't I just accept that they'd enjoyed it? Anyone else have this problem?

OP posts:

SardinesAreSwimming · 30/09/2017 21:26

It take practice.

ChardonnaysPrettySister · 30/09/2017 21:27

You're criticising because you want to preempt their criticism.

Your own criticism doesn't count in your eyes, but other people's does.
Why do you think is that?

SusanTheGentle · 30/09/2017 21:28

Seriously, practice. Like you might actually have to say it in the mirror to normalise the words in your mouth. Start small - "thank you, that's kind of you today".

So yes I do occasionally have this issue!

Callamia · 30/09/2017 21:30

Think of it another way...

My not accepting their compliments, you're telling them that they're wrong and their opinions are wrong. So, you might think of it as you being terribly rude to them.

I know you're not, and I know this is a bit of a stretch, but it IS their opinion, and you can value it.

Original poster

Seeyamonday · 30/09/2017 21:32

I like to think I've tried, I said to my husband that with practice it'll get better, he just shook his head and said it was a lovely meal , I have a huge problem believing that I'm good at anything, my problem no one else's!

OP posts:

Tainbri · 30/09/2017 21:32

Bloody hell, if I'd spent three hours preparing a meal and someone criticised I'd have committed murder! Even if it tasted like the bottom of a budgies cage a decent family member should eat up and shut up! You either a) did a brilliant job and they appreciate it (my bet) or b) did a rubbish job but put in the effort and they appreciate it. Either way, why the hell would you want to be criticised - are you looking for a fight or something

Original poster

Seeyamonday · 30/09/2017 21:37

Not looking for a fight Tainbri, just want to believe that I can do a good job, I expect and respect criticism but compliments.... No!!

OP posts:

Jasminedes · 30/09/2017 21:40

Try to really listen to the compliments from others (imagine them as a pat on the back). Every time you do something, try to pick out one thing good to compliment yourself on. Its brain pathways, it takes time and practice to change. You might also find you have associated beliefs like 'if I am over confident I will get too big for my boots' or 'you must not be boastful' or 'if I don't always try harder I will fail or fall behind'. These are hard to change - but really examine them - are they true or helpful?

Your dinner sounds amazing. If you watch live cooking shows like bake off, there are always small defects, that is what cooking is like.

Original poster

Seeyamonday · 30/09/2017 21:47

Jasmine design, thank you, one of the those days I'll believe it, my husband always say thank you for breakfast, lunch, dinner etc but I make mistakes, it's not such a big thing it happens, I get disappointed and then he tells me I've taken on too much, tbh he'd be happy with sausage, beans and chips

OP posts:

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