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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU (and a complete nob) to wear a sash/badge at sons birthday party?

53 replies

Acunningruse · 30/09/2017 11:15

DS has just started in reception and its his birthday party tomorrow. Loads of kids coming from school which is great, but as DH and I don't always do pick up/drop off, not many parents may know who we are.

I've walked into kids parties before where you have no idea who the hosts are and it's a bit awkward as you don't know who's 'in charge' or who to introduce yourself to.

WIBU to wear some kind of identifier (badge? sash? something else?)to show we are the hosts? Obviously ideally we would be at the door greeting guests on arrival but I sense a party of 30 5 year olds just isn't going to go that smoothly to be honest Grin

Also any tips on hosting a party for 4-5 year olds? its the first time and first school one so I have no idea what the done thing is!

TIA

OP posts:
WhereTheFuckIsWonderWoman · 30/09/2017 12:36

It'll be easy to spot you. Anyone hosting a party for 30 odd 4-5 year olds will be more than identifiable by the harassed look and twitching.

Plus if you walk around with a bottle of wine offering glasses to parents on arrival you'll make friends for yourself (if you want some new ones that is)

Original poster
Acunningruse · 30/09/2017 12:38

Thanks SouthWinds, the party is tomorrow unfortunately so not enough time for delivery so i think i will go with the name badge idea.

The comments about the harrassed mother being easy to spot are scaring me though! We have got a bouncy castle, and I was going to do musical statues and just let them run around with balloons for the rest of the time- do I need to do more than this?!

I know pass the parcel is popular but I just can't see it working with 30 kids?!

OP posts:
Original poster
Acunningruse · 30/09/2017 12:38

Oh God the parents will stay won't they?!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Acunningruse · 30/09/2017 12:39

But no we do have family coming who will also help.

I would love to offer Wine but the budget just won't stretch unfortunately but I will be providing tea, coffee and biscuits, is that ok?

OP posts:
MrsSchadenfreude · 30/09/2017 12:40

At that age, don't do any longer than an hour and a half. (That will seem like 12 hours anyway.) We used to do traditional games, which they loved - musical bumps, musical chairs, musical statues, pass the parcel. The aim is to string out each game - play the music for a little bit longer, not be able to decide who is last to sit down, etc etc. Depending on how much room you have, or if you are going in the garden, a popular game is to tie a balloon to each child's leg - they have to defend their balloon while trying to pop the other children's.

After tea (sandwiches never get eaten, stick to crisps, sausage rolls, little sausages, bits of cheese, cherry tomatoes... maybe some hummous, pizza slices (stick to cheese and tomato), fairy cakes, chocolate fingers, iced gems), get them to sit in a circle, spin a bottle and the person the bottle points to gives the birthday child their present. We then followed up with sleeping lions (if you are lucky some will actually fall asleep), and a final pass the parcel when parents were collecting their children. Make the present in the final pass the parcel a recorder, tin whistle or drum and make sure the worst behaved child wins it.

I never did party bags, I used to get a load of cheap books from the Book People and give each child a book and a balloon.

Oh and you'll need gin.

MrsSchadenfreude · 30/09/2017 12:45

Oh you are going to be outside - definitely do the balloon game then! It also has the benefit of taking quite a long time.

I found some other parents quite difficult. I had one set that all knew each other, sat down on the sofas and chatted, with DH having to serve them tea and cakes. One was very critical of the icing on the birthday cake (chocolate and cream ganache) - "Oh that's far too rich for children!". I asked her if she would prefer butter icing made with margarine and icing sugar and she shut up then. The best parents to have are the ones who help - putting out the tea, clearing away, wiping mud off children etc, but they seem to be few and far between. There is always one father who will eat absolutely everything that is left on the table when the kids are running around too.

schmoopy · 30/09/2017 12:51

There is always one father who will eat absolutely everything that is left on the table when the kids are running around too.

And one mum... Blush

CherryCheese · 30/09/2017 12:55

Carry a whip and a megaphone 📣

WeAllHaveWings · 30/09/2017 12:59

it's a bit awkward as you don't know who's 'in charge' or who to introduce yourself to

I don't see any awkwardness at all its perfectly ok not to know who the hosts are if you have never met them! its actually a bit sad how people are slowly losing social skills and find it hard to just talk! you walk into a party, see any adult say hello/smile, make an inane comment about how nice/fun/noisy it looks or how your dc has been looking forward to the party. then ask who the birthday boy/girls mum is. If they don't know to go to someone else and repeat, if it's them say hello and introduce yourself.

I second that you would look like a twit with a sash/hat/badge.

Phineyj · 30/09/2017 13:03

I think it's a great idea. I think all the adults should get badges at these sorts of parties. I was doing a full on job last year and hardly met any other parents as my main focus was getting to work/making it back to school before after school club closed. DH is hopeless at remembering names so could never tell me. I hate not knowing/not being sure of other parents' names and trying to figure out who the host is so I can hand the gift over/thank them (it's not always that obvious if there are two parents plus some family helpers and sometimes parties are for two DC).

At the parties I go to (age 5 ones) a parent always stays but most of them seem to alternate, as DH and I do, which makes the name remembering even more challenging if e.g. it's the dad and you've only met the mum previously.

Phineyj · 30/09/2017 13:06

I have got quite reasonable social skills I think - it's just one of those situations where it would be a hell of a lot more efficient if people could just identify each other instead of having to interrupt a lot of conversations to find out (my DD is sociable but very sensitive to loud noise and tends to spend a few minutes cowering in a corner at the beginning while she adjusts to the disco music or overenthusiastic entertainers - she's not the only one, either).

I mean, 30 kids, that's 60 potential carers even without the odd one being brought by granny or nanny.

Phineyj · 30/09/2017 13:08

Which is the problem, really - the norm for children's parties round here is like a mini nightclub so realistically you can't hear a thing anyone says to you anyway.

KurriKurri · 30/09/2017 13:08

Do whatever you feel comfortable with, - costume, badge, sash, massive hat - who cares if you look a tit ?, it's five year olds party - not the too cool for school parents parade. Kids love adults dressed like tits, they think it's hilarious.

Yes it will be chaos but fun, buy yourself a large bottle of something to resuscitate yourself with in the evening after they've all gone home.

BinkyandBunty · 30/09/2017 13:13

Seriously, you don't need to wear anything.

Just keep an eye out for new arrivals and go up to introduce yourself to anyone you don't recognise.

Nestlyn · 30/09/2017 13:20

Relax..... just walk around lots, smile and look friendly. Offer all the adults a cup of tea, they'll soon figure it out. Enjoy the party, and good luck.

CarolinePenvenen · 30/09/2017 13:23

Fabulous idea. I wish a few party hosts had done this last year.

Puppymouse · 30/09/2017 13:24

I would be massively grateful for a mum wearing this at one of DD's parties. I never have a clue who to say thank you or hello/goodbye to half the time!

KinkyFruits · 30/09/2017 13:36

We recently did exactly what you're doing and it went very well -- no sash necessary. I think it was pretty clear who I was but anyone who was unsure could ask. I would have felt silly wearing some kind of badge or sash in that situation.

paxillin · 30/09/2017 13:44

No need to mark yourself out. I'd know you from a mile, you'll be the one flapping and running about with the cake/ gifts/ party bags/ bins and worrying.

ChippyMinton · 30/09/2017 13:49

Badge if you like, but not necessary.

My tip would be to have a paper and pen handy and ask anyone who is dropping and running to please write down their name, childs name and mobile phone number in case of problems and to chase them if they fail to return at pick up time.

And to stress pick up time ( tell them its 15 minutes before the planned end so you can finish on time).

And allocate a helper and a quiet corner to deal with any distressed kids. There's bound to be one or two that get overwhelmed.

milliemolliemou · 30/09/2017 13:51

Good luck OP! I went to bed half way through my ds's first, leaving husband and friend to it. DS and DDs subsequently had no birthday parties until we did shared ones in the village hall with other DCs near their age - meant at least three if not four adults to cope.

I'd do badges for the children as well unless you know them well - so you can do a Joyce Grenfell "Joshua, stop smearing the cake on the wall" "Joanna, put him down, Jack doesn't like it."

  • Make sure the kids and parents know where the loos are and stockpile cleaning kit.
  • Make sure the party stays on one floor and doors to other rooms are shut/locked. Stair gate?
  • If any parent wants to stay with their 4 year old, give them a job or ask them to help run a game.
  • I'd be tempted to ask parents for their cellphone numbers. So if there's one obstreperous or distressed child you could ask for an early collect "Sam really isn't enjoying the party, could you pop by and pick him up." worse still: "It's 8 o clock now, is someone coming by to collect Emma?"

Leave the present opening until after the party so you know who gave what and can thank. It also stops little explosions of envy and grabbing.

As for games - musical chairs is out unless you have 30 chairs so musical bumps it is. Pass the parcel is great if there's a little something inside for every stop - I save Christmas cracker stuff providing they're safe for 4 year olds (what is?)

Wishing you good weather for tomorrow.

ChippyMinton · 30/09/2017 13:51

Also set out the adults tea/coffee in the kitchen and point it out for them to help themselves.

Jux · 30/09/2017 14:01

It's a bit late now, but BALLOONS. Lots and lots of balloons. Try to make an area into which you can just chuck LOADS of balloons, where there's enough room for some kids to run and climb a bit and throw balloons around. Hallway perhaps? Lobby?

cottonwoolbrain · 30/09/2017 15:02

Binkyandbutty made me smile with "Seriously, you don't need to wear anything. " If you take that advice they'll DEFINITELY be able to pick you out from the crowd! Grin

Having just done a party for DS though my advice would be

  • Have a designated place to put presents and don't let your DC open them until afterwards (over a few days maybe if they get loads)
  • Do very simple food and not too many sandwiches which for some reason never seem to get eaten- pizzas cut into little bits, cocktail sausages, cheese and pineapple on sticks, crisps, biscuits and cakes
  • Invest in 30 small pots of jelly and a packet of plastic spoons and pass them round in lieu of pudding
  • DON'T offer tea and coffee to adults unless you want to spend the whole bl**dy time boiling the kettle and trying to remember orders. Get several packs of juice, a couple of bottles of diet pepsi and lemonade and do an adult table somewhere with a few bowls of crisps and maybe some biscuits - add plastic cups let them help themselves
  • Use as many disposable items for serving as you can and make sure you've got 2 or 3 big bin bags to go round with afterwards
  • Designate someone to help you cut and wrap cake (or better still get someone else to do it) cutting and wrapping 30 slices of cake alone is a miserable business!
  • Prepare for extra children - siblings, non responders and random cousins (does happen)
  • Put childrens drinks in big jugs - one orange, one blackcurrant usually and ask a couple of parents to go round tables and pour drinks
  • Have sweets for prizes - pound shop do multi packs of mini haribo bags these are usually well received
  • If another parent offers to help ACCEPT
  • keep reminding yourself THIS WILL BE OVER IN 2 HOURS...IT WILL BE OVER
  • Have fun :)
cottonwoolbrain · 30/09/2017 15:05

Oh and if it all gets too much sleeping lions is your friend Grin

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