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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to want to complain to school?

31 replies

smallchanceofrain · 29/09/2017 12:35

DS2 (11) has just started secondary school. He has an ASD diagnosis and social communication, or in fact any communication, is an issue for him.

Yesterday he arrived home at 12.50. Just as I got home from dentist, shopping etc. He said they were all sent home at 12.30 because the teachers needed to prepare for the Year 6 open evening. Usually I would have been at work. He does have a back up plan and knows who he can go to if I'm not at home but they might not have been in either.

He can't remember anyone telling him about this in advance but I checked with another parent and her son had told her about it the day before. DS2's listening skills aren't great and his memory is shocking (unless he's being told something about dinosaurs or trains). Either he didn't hear or he forgot to tell me.

It just doesn't seem reasonable to expect every child (and particularly one with his needs) to be reliable enough to pass on a message to parents. AIBU to think that school should have let parents know?

OP posts:

KityGlitr · 29/09/2017 12:39

At 11 I think it's fair for the school to expect messages to be relayed by kids. So I wouldn't necessarily complain, but you'd be fine to email and ask them if they are able to pass these messages/send you the term schedule directly as he struggles to pass messages on. No need for it to be a complaint just a request.

Original poster

smallchanceofrain · 29/09/2017 12:47

Thanks. I was posting to check out whether I was being a bit unreasonable - because I suspected I might be. That's why I didn't phone school yesterday and go off one one! I was angry and thought I should wait until I had a bit of perspective. There is no way he can be relied on to pass on important information but perhaps other parents would be okay with it.

OP posts:

dementedpixie · 29/09/2017 12:48

Our secondary would have sent a text to parents if the school was closed. They can't expect every child to pass on the message. Very short notice too though, what if there is not a back up plan for others?

Tiddler7 · 29/09/2017 12:51

Our secondary school sends texts to parents to remind them, in case letters were lost, missing or whatever. My DS 13 now does not have any special needs, but his memory is shocking too 🙈

Butterymuffin · 29/09/2017 12:53

I'd still be a bit miffed though that they decided they had to close early to prepare for an open evening. Is this going to happen every time there's an event on? As that could be quite a few afternoons' worth of education that will be lost.

TheHungryDonkey · 29/09/2017 12:56

I would complain to the senco. My son is the same as yours and if he'd been sent home like this would have been extremely vulnerable on the streets alone. Telling children the day before verbally is not good enough for children who need additional support and communication difficulties.

abbsisspartacus · 29/09/2017 12:59

Secondary school still texts and emails me some days they text me to tell me dd has a letter in her bag but not to worry they will email me a copy too

She is 17

Caulkheadupnorf · 29/09/2017 13:00

This has become fairly common in secondary schools recently.

I imagine that parents in years 8/9/10 will know that it happens and so the school may not have communicated it to year 7 parents who haven't experienced it before.

I would arrange a meeting with the sendco to get dates for other times this might happen, but also to talk to DS about new strategies for remembering things like this, or asking friends to help him remember/hear when they are announced

Ontopofthesunset · 29/09/2017 13:04

I would expect with something like school closure for parents to be told, to be honest, or for there to be a school calendar that parents were given or sent links to at the start of term so that they could check for unexpected closures.

UnicornMadeOfPinkGlitter · 29/09/2017 13:06

Same age child as in dd just started secondary school in September. This is happening next week for her school and we received a letter via email to say they are closing early.

Can you double check emails and texts before complaining to the school? If you definitely did not get notification then contact the school and check. They may have mistyped an email or phone number.

I would have expected notification even for a yr11 child. Which in fact we did get last week for my yr11 ds to come home early yesterday.

Eolian · 29/09/2017 13:08

Are you sure there wasn't a letter or email about it? Or was it on the information you got about term dates etc at the beginning of the school year? Because it would be very unusual for them not to inform parents.

TeenTimesTwo · 29/09/2017 13:09

Our secondary school closes at 1:15 for Open Evening. It is on the school calendar, hard written into pupil planners, pupils are reminded, and it is covered in the online newsletter pushed out to parents.

School only closes at 1:15 3 times a year, Open Evening, last day of Autumn term and last day of Summer term.

If the only notification was via children the day before, then that is poor.

OP Suggest you don't 'complain to the school', but instead write to tutor and SENCO and ask them to remind all staff to help ensure messages and homework are written into his planner.

tissuesosoft · 29/09/2017 13:10

Is there anything under key dates on the school website? Or in the planner (if they still use one)?

MaitlandGirl · 29/09/2017 13:12

As we have to inform schools in writing when we want our kids to leave early I'm surprised the school didn't do the same. I'd have expected a text at the very least.

Wonder how they expected kids who get school buses to get home?

PandorasXbox · 29/09/2017 13:14

I'm very surprised school didn't tell you about this. Could you have missed an email/text?

I would ring school and ask tbh.

wifeyhun · 29/09/2017 13:14

Ours sent out a letter and text message when they closed early for open evening. It was also on their social media.

YANBU to mention it to the school, but just make sure no letter gone astray etc.

BlackeyedSusan · 29/09/2017 13:19

complain. they need to make reasonable adjustments for his disability. dd has not told me about the half day closing either but luckily there are parents on the primary playground who have a child at the same secondary.

apparently we are supposed to look on the website for notices, but no-one has told us this is where we need to look.

Talkietalk · 29/09/2017 13:22

I vaguely remember taking home slips of paper but now everything seems to be on social media. I wouldn't exactly complain but I would draw it to their attention to see if there is a way you can be kept directly informed.

RavingRoo · 29/09/2017 13:24

I think a gentle reminder to the school that due to your son’t ASD he can’t be relied upon to pass on messages would be a good idea. At 11 yes I do expect the child to be able to pass a message to their parents, and it’s not the school’s fault if you haven’t made it clear that they can’t rely on your son to do this. Every form of ASD is different.

Happyemoji · 29/09/2017 13:27

Would they have posted it on their website?

That's what do sometimes when I want to know about upcoming information. The schools my Dd's go to either send texts or emails about important information.

JimLahey · 29/09/2017 13:28

I understand your concern but usually messages like this are communicated to the parents/ care givers or at least on the school website? If not the school needs to sort themselves out. I know some may feel l secondary school aged children should know how to pass on messages but lots do struggle, maybe look into strategies to help him with this. Senco or tutor should be able to help advise.

Happyemoji · 29/09/2017 13:29

I left out information.

That's what I do sometimes when I want to know about up coming information I look on their website.

Mamabear4180 · 29/09/2017 13:31

I get emails about early closures and my DD is in year 9. It seems odd to me just word of mouth but check your email and see? I think you need a care plan in place with the school if you haven't already, it's really important he doesn't just go home without them letting you know.

TansyVioletta · 29/09/2017 13:33

Was it definitely not on the calendar on the school website or list of term dates either on paperwork sent home or on the website, or on twitter/facebook page or notices on the website?

Findingdotty · 29/09/2017 13:46

It wouldn't hurt the school to make sure that the children who need extra support get an addition letter or email. There will be an SEN co-ordinatior and support staff so it would be possible for all SEN students in year 7 to be contacted separately.

I learnt quickly that I needed to go through all letters and read ALL the school newsletter each week for secondary school as they don't send extra letters for things like half days. It will be mentioned in a newsletter and told to the pupils by their form tutors and that's it. It's a complete change from primary and takes a while for pupils and parents to get to grips with it.

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