Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be angry with DS' Nursery

16 replies

TheNursery · 29/09/2017 09:52

Can anyone point me in the direction of official ofsted advice / policy about potty training?

My little boy is being forced to toilet train and he is not ready, the health visitor has agreed with me.

Nursery still put him in pants when I have sent him in a pull up.

Aibu to think the Nursery shouldn’t be forcing this issue?
(They’ve been really pushy about all the kids there being dry)

OP posts:
Awwlookatmybabyspider · 29/09/2017 10:03

YANBU. Potty training is on the parents say so. You know your own child. If you say "he's not ready". They should respect that, or At least try and talk to you about why you feel he isn't ready, and If you feel you need support

Snap8TheCat · 29/09/2017 10:05

There is no official ofsted guidance on this, that’s not what they do.

However the nursery are completely wrong to force this issue and I would be very firm with them about it.

Madbum · 29/09/2017 10:06

That’s no on, it’s up to you and your DC to determine when it’s time to potty train.
If you have verbally

Mittens1969 · 29/09/2017 10:06

They shouldn't be doing that without your say so, it's up to you when you start potty training. How old is your DS? Why do you and the HV think he isn't ready?

Mittens1969 · 29/09/2017 10:07

But it's absolutely wrong of the nursery to force the issue.

RavingRoo · 29/09/2017 10:08

Potty training kids who will start school the following year is quite normal in our nursery - if you don’t want it you have to opt out which I did as in my culture potty training needs to happen early. Talk to the nursery rather than go directly to Ofsted because here’s no guarantee another nursery won’t do the same.

Sirzy · 29/09/2017 10:09

They shouldn’t be pushing it without it being led by you.

I am actually amazed they are as, unless he is much more ready than you realise, it is going to make more work not less work for them.

Madbum · 29/09/2017 10:09

Sorry posted to soon.

If you’ve verbally requested they stop then it’s time to ask for their potty training policy and formal complaints procedure so you can make a formal written complaint.
I’d consider taking him out if they don’t listen to you, forced potty training can cause all sorts of problems and they should know that.

WellThisIsShit · 29/09/2017 10:11

Is this a nursery that takes babies and up? If yes then my post will be relevant. If it's a nursery that just does the year before reception then I'm not sure if the rules are the same?

Have a meeting with the nursery manager. Say no to potty training right now, and explain why. Query any 'rules' carefully.

I had the same issue (in a full time nursery from babies up to school age), and it turned out that the more junior staff had taken it on themselves to make up rules about DS not being allowed into the next room/class unless he was fully potty trained (at 3yrs). They artificially held him back in a room he hated and was miserable in, almost as a punishment for not being potty trained. DS was being told all the time that he wasn't doing well enough, not a big boy and just a baby, unlike child x (basically any other child), who was so grown up and was going to the big class where all the big boys go, but he had to stay with the babies etc. It became cruel and not at all motivating for poor DS who just internalised all the negative crap they were saying to him (Angry)

Turns out the rule wasn't even true, and in fact, I'm not sure they're allowed to make that kind of rule (?).

I understand that they have issues with staffing numbers and having children needing 1to1 time nappy changing means their ratios get more tricky, but a good nursery needs to come up with a solution which doesn't involve excluding non potty trained children or forcing it on them regardless of their ability to do it or not.

In our case, the manager agreed that forcing potty training on a child when he wasn't ready was going to do more harm than good. And holding him back behind all his peers & friends, on the basis of potty training was not appropriate.

DS trained within two days when he was ready, about 8 months later. I suspect he would have been able to do it earlier had he not been so upset by the cack handed way the nursery assistants tried to do it. It took a while for him to get over it, poor thing.

Mammyloveswine · 30/09/2017 09:40

This is a tricky issue and one I can see from both sides as a parent and a nursery teacher! How old is lo? What makes you think he isn't ready? Maybe he is seeing the others go to the toilet and therefore is wanting to go himself? Fwiw I'm not a fan of pull-ups at all as these days they are so absorbent so don't think they help at all with potty-training! I assume lo is over 3 in which case I would expect him to show some signs that he is starting to know when he needs to go or has been. It doesn't have to be one or the other, maybe he just tries on the toilet at nursery at regular intervals?

I would arrange a meeting with the manager, explain why you think he isn't ready, ask why they think he is and then maybe agree an action plan? Perhaps review after Christmas? Do you provide pull-ups for after an accident?

Sorry for a million questions, I would just want to resolve this for your peace of mind and the well-being of DS!

Crunchymum · 30/09/2017 09:42

I assume this is a private nursery (and not a preschool attached to a primary school?)

How old is child?

gingerh4ir · 30/09/2017 09:44

how old is he?

Agree with you that they should be on board with your decision but talking about an 18 months old is slightly different from e.g. a 3.5 year old (without additional needs) .

Wishingandwaiting · 30/09/2017 09:46

I'm afraid that's their policy.

If you don't like it, you should find a nursery that doesn't have this policy.

Coloursthatweremyjoy · 30/09/2017 09:49

They should absolutely be following your lead. Suggest a meeting between them, you and the health visitor to agree a plan.

Or just let them crack on. After all if he really isn't ready then it's going to be a lot of hard work for them. I'd provide limited spares as well what with him being as ready as they say...but I have run out of patience with crap like this from so called professionals though.

And I work in early years!

youarenotkiddingme · 30/09/2017 09:51

For me it would depend on how my child was reacting and how well they were doing.

If he's out in pants everyday at 8am and is there until 6pm and is happy and dry but needing a few reminders I'd just let them get on with it.

If he's wetting continuously and spiking and getting upset I'd be putting my foot down.

Sometimes the 'not ready' is actually not a bladder/brain issue but rather a can't be bothered to stop what they are doing immaturity. I think they have to learn that wearing a nappy isn't so they can play more.

insancerre · 30/09/2017 09:55

Yanbu
I'm a nursery manager and o wouldn't let this happen
I would be working closely with you and listening to your wishes
It's irrelevant what his age is
Thete is no point in starting potty training unless all involved are doing the same, or the child just ends up confused
All chiildren are different and it really isn't down to the nursery to decide when to potty train your child
There are no official ofsted guidelines but ofsted would be interested to hear tfatbthe nursery i not working in partnership with the parents
However if you do complain to ofsted they normally like to know that you have complained to the nursery and what their response was
Any written complaints to the nursery need to be kept and shown to the ofsted inspector when they visit
I would ask for the potty training policy and also the complaint procedure then ask for a meeting with the manager
Take someone with you that can take notes and just tell them to stop putting him in pants and that you will decide when to potty train him
If they don't comply with your wishes then write a written complaint and await their reply
If you are not happy with their response then escalate it to ofsted

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread