To just want some fricking help??

[BeagleBurger]

I think every SAHP can relate...it's been crazy intense with poorly kids, not left the house in nearly 48 hours...not much sleep (less than the normal shit nights due to DS coughing so hard he was sick etc etc) and very little respite in over five years. I'm. Shattered.

But am "allowed" to still bustle about doing laundry, cook supper, clean kitchen, do bedtimes, sort DS with cough and cold, out to sort baby with teeth, back to DS while DH sits on his arse on his phone as soon as he comes in from work. Says "can I help" after 2 hours when all the above is done and I'm bringing food to the table and only offers because I drop something. I do 99% of childcare.

I'm. Grumpy. Does my head need a wobble or AIBU to think that a bit of support might be nice?

Bah.

Have you discussed this with your DH? And I mean a proper sit down discussion to discuss the disparity in house work, not an "in the moment" discussion when you're pissed off that he hasn't helped you.

If you have and he's ignored you then YANBU

If, however, you haven't actually mentioned this issue then YABU

Yes your DH should be stepping up, but if you haven't told him how overwhelmed you feel, then you can't hold it against him that he's done nothing to alleviate that feeling. He can't "fix" a problem you haven't told him that you have.

Do tomorrow differently. When he comes in, tell him you've had a rough day with the kids being ill so can he do X. Yes he ought to notice, but since he hasn't today, tell him rather than running yourself into the ground. Then have a broader think about how the household tasks can be shared fairly.

"so, your turn to do bedtime" or similar.

He doesn't get to sit on his arse doing nothing, split evening duties, it's the only way. One cooks, the other washes up. One does bedtime routine while the other does laundry it's the only way. Yes to a sit down after getting home from work, but that doesn't mean doing nothing..

There are things that can be done in the day, and there are things that need to be done in the evening. Those jobs should be split evenly, and you should both get to sit down when they're all done.

Hi

Sorry for not response. He knows I had a hard day. I've learned that if I say it's been hard on a particular day it comes back up later as me not being able to cope with the DC etc. He can sit on the sofa all day long effing about on his devices with the DC muddling around him and barely interacting with any of us. I hate it and I get so resentful.

Raaaaaahhhh

No response

Sadly some men need telling. I know, I have one.

You need to tell you are knackered and it;s beans on toast for tea tomorrow.

You don't want 'help'. You want him to do his share.

Your job isn't supposed to be 24/7 while his is only his paid working hours outside the home. When he's at home, he should be doing half of the childcare, chores, etc.

Tell him to get off his ass and do his share!

Next time he says the 'not coping' thing be ready to reply 'I'm not taking lessons in how to cope with kids from someone who sits on the sofa playing with his phone and thinks that's parenting. I cope fine. It's made harder by you not pulling your weight so you need to start.' Don't take that crap.

You want him to 'help' parent his own kids..... he only looks up when you are bringing his meal to the table😳 Good grief op he has you rather well trained.

I'm so stealing that response muffin!!!