To dislike this friendship

[user1483964745]

Boyfriend let his best female friend sleep in his bed after a night out. Found out because message was on his phone "Thank you for letting me stay last night did you stay in bed with me all night?". Devastated, when i confronted him he initially lied and said she didn't stay, ten eventually when I told him I turned the alarm off in the morning and saw the text he confessed. Said nothing happened (I believe him). But to me that's the height of disrespect. That's basically my bed I sleep there more than half the week. when I confronted her she said she didn't think it would be a problem.

After a break I took him back on the condition that he would stop lying and that he and the friend would not spend time on their own together or drink together.

Hes informed me today that hes hanging out with her and another friend tomorrow. The thought of it makes me sick. I can't get the image of her in my bed out my head. It's only been 2 weeks aibu to think he should be less selfish and hold off that friendship a bit longer to make feel more comfortable ?

You were bu at first but now I think you are. If he understands and you said she can't sleep in his bed that's fine. Don't begrudge the poor man his friend. He's on probation now so if it happens again and he lies again then you can blast his ear off. Then have a serious think. If it's fine and they have a nice time then suck up the green eyes!

Who can be bothered with that

End it now. Your gut is telling you something. It's not right that she slept in his bed with him and it's even worse he lied to you about it. What else has he been lieing to you about?
You can't and don't trust him.
I wouldn't like this either .

YANBU about not liking the friendship.
But YABU to think he'll stop hanging around with her on just your say so.
If he was decent he'd listen to how you're feeling and wouldn't see her on the basis of how it would make you feel.
But it looks like he's prioritising his friendship with her over his relationship with you.
You're either going to have to live with it or LTB.

Oh yuck. That's way too intimate a text for a friend. The lying would be the deal breaker though.

This type of person just gets off on making the gf feel insecure and always on the back foot in the relationship.
He has no interest in making you his number one priority and you are wasting your life on the creep.

Is he 18??...probably excusable at that age but if he is 43 it's a different matter...

He's 27. I don't want to tell him to be friends with but who gets into bed with a girl when they've got a gf? And what girl would get into bed with a friend who was in a relationship

Exactly...I think you've answered your own question.

So they shared your bed together. No stuff that! Would he be happy for you to share a bed with a male friend! No he probably woukd not. Exactly user, v what woman shares a bed with a man in a relationship, and what man does that. He does not respect you, and lies. Game over!

In my 20's, my best friend was male. He lived in the place we all (bigger group of friends) socialised. I often used to stay at his - in his bed - and nothing ever happened. This went on for about 3 years. We didn't spoon, touch, or behave in any way that might be construed as sexual or inappropriate. We literally used to get into bed - drunk - and say 'night' as we fell into a slumber. Mostly I was in pjs. Occassionally a t-shirt.

He met a girl. She hated the idea of me being there when she wasn't. She also hated me being his mate. I gave more of a shit about the latter.

He and I tried to have a friendship. After 6 months or so, I stopped staying out of respect to him. Not her. I didn't want to make his life harder even if I thought her (and yours OP) attitude of 'who wants to stay when he's got a girlfriend' was totally irrelevant. I was his friend. Fancying him/'respecting his g'friend was irrelevant. (even if I was when I didn't fancy him) and had had many many many opportunities to go there should I ha e so desires. Ultimately, he put her first. Which is fair enough.

However, I lost a seriously good friend and have never stopped thinking his girlfriend was batshit.

and was proved right when she was the one who had an affair

This wasn't a regular occurrence. He told me they'd never slept in a bed together. He admitted it was a complete no-go in a relationship. I had no problem with her beforehand, they went for lunches alone, coffee etc. But how can I trust him now

Well, you either accept it was a one off / won't happen again and move on in this relationship. Or you don't.

If the latter is the case, you leave. No one else can decide your boundaries for you. If it hurts to the extent that accepting his behaviour would mean you feel diminished, disrespected and suspicious, end it.

Ps. Your ultimatum was unreasonable and unworkable. I would never accept a partner telling me / coercing me to agree who I could or could not see. But if you lay a line in the sand, accept the consequences.

He is telling you this person (and their gender is irrelevant) is important to him.

Up to you to decide on your boundaries. There's no wrong or right - it's purely personal choice.

OP, listen to yourself. You are really unhappy with this situation. Your boundaries have been crossed and your inner alarms are going off! Please listen to them. You don't want this. It's not worth any further discussion with him. He's shown you explicitly what he's offering you and it's not what you want. Put simply, you're not a match.

It will never be easier to end it than now.

I feel people lie when they have something to hide. Would his male friends ever sleep with him? It is up to you, but I would give his character serious thought.