To seriously consider running away?

[ImColdAndFrightend]

Ever since I was young I have suspected I have some kind of mental health problem. I can't concentrate on stuff, I can't dedicate myself to anything, I don't like being around people, I can't cope with being scheduled to do stuff. I get stressed out and feel like a caged animal. I've had a string of disastrous relationships, none of which have ever lasted more than 5 years. I'm 36 now.

I've never had a job last more than a year. About 6 months in I start feeling bored, stressed out, assume that everyone hates me and I'm shit at my job so may as well leave.

I qualified as a nurse (that took some doing!) in 2015. Got a job straight away, lasted 6 months then left. Got another job, lasted 7 months, then left. I managed to get a casual hours contract meaning I can choose my own shifts and I worked on my own 95% of the time so it was perfect. Today I found out that the work will be drying up and I can't face going back to contracted hours, shifts, having to work with people all the time - this time I don't just want to change jobs, I want to change My career completely. I'd like to go into finance or something "freelance" but have no idea how to do that.

I've also been married 5 years now I want out of that too, no particular reason other than im bored. I'm fed up of having to run everything past him. I know relationships are all about give and take but I find it so fucking hard to give. I don't know why. I'm selfish natured and want everything my own way so feel I'd be better off living alone with nobody to answer to. AIBU to just sack it all off and do a runner to start a fresh somewhere else???

There are elements of this I can relate to but running would not achieve anything beyond the first few months of relief and then it would all build up again and you would find yourself in the same place. I would think about getting some therapy to analyse what is happening and why you feel this way.

Although freelance sounds great, a lot of it involves networking and building relationships to get work.

I'm very much like this. But I figure I can't out run myself. If I'm honest I'm probably not meant for this world. But I couldn't bet to end things when I was younger because of my family. Have you sought help from a therapist?

Has anyone suggested you might not be Neurotypical? You sound quite a lot like me...I was diagnosed with ASD last year in my mid 30s! I'd always known I was a bit different but this finally explained it. Diagnosis has allowed me to get extra help at work, better understanding of myself and helped my relationships.

Sounds like you really need to seek some advice, maybe go to your GP and tell them what's going on. I don't think that running away is going to help you. If this is something you have felt all your life moving to another place is probably not going to rectify the way you feel and think. You say you're selfish by nature but so are most people, you just need to be realistic in what you can offer to any relationship and be honest with the other person so they don't expect more. Talk to your husband, your family, your friends. You might be surprised by the support you're offered.

I am not sure how you can go about a career. Many people get bored in their jobs but keep going for financial security, I don't love my job but I find bits of it I enjoy and it's getting me to where I want to be so I keep plugging away. What are your long term goals in life? Sit down write them out and aim for them in small steps. Dont be so hard on yourself! You're only human.

Reading your post and was thinking it sounds just like me too, and I've been diagnosed with ASD recently, in my mid thirties. Hang in there and have a look at some information on autism in women, as it often presents differently than it typically does in men.

Yes unless you are running straight to a therapist(and I don't me to work for or sleep with them).

I was the first person to recognise I have Autism. I was reading a MN thread about Autism in women and it was like a 'lightbulb' moment. I looked through this checklist from Tania Marshall's website (she's a leading expert in Autism in women) and I was shocked how many I ticked. I went to my GP and got referred for assessment but there are also private assessments and charities that do assessments.

You could run forever but you will never be able to get away from yourself, and you are your biggest problem. I really think you should get therapy to help you understand yourself better.

I've always said I'm an undiagnosed aspie. I tick all the boxes. If I'm due to meet a mate for a coffee it's a HUGE drama and I can liken it to preparing to get up on a stage in front of thousands of people. I'll stress about it for weeks before hand and turn up all nervous and anxious like I have an hour to put on a pretence that I'm a normal human being.

At work I know people think I'm odd. And I know I am too.

I've just been reading that aspergers site that someone posted and one thing that really jumped out:

Has trouble setting boundaries and is often taken advantage of as a result. Story of my life. Most recent one, a married bloke much older than me suggesting that we have some kind of a fling. Or course that's wrong and awful and I have zero interest in it and should have told him to do one but I struggled so much as I don't know how to act with people. I just pretended I didn't know what he meant which made me look even more vulnerable so he upped his game and got quite pushy with it - one incidence he got me alone and came close to me and just before he was about to make his move another bloke walked into the room. Saved by the bell but I honestly don't know how I would have reacted if he hadn't walked in.

I hear you Cold, I could have written both your posts myself. The difficulty of saying no to men, who clearly are up to no good, but they're being nice and I've not got many friends so don't want to offend them. But I know I don't want anything from them. Yep, I get it.

My official diagnosis is bipolar disorder, but I identify far more as neuroatypical. Psychiatrists don't know what to do with me, but none will entertain the possibility of me being on the spectrum because I can do eye contact. I've even shown them the research about women and autism, but it's a brick wall. And eye contact is the first thing that goes when I'm even the slightest bit uncomfortable.

And I have major, major isssues with noise. That no one except me can quite work out!

I don't have any answers I'm afraid, but completely get where you're coming from.

Bombardier that is me all over! I think "well I don't have many friends and he's being nice to me so I can't be horrible to him and tell him to get lost!" Then I'll have a ridiculous dilemma in my head saying "he's not being nice, he's trying to get you into bed!" "He is being nice! He's just said he thinks I'm lovely!" "Yes only because he's trying to get you into bed!" "But what if I offend him when he really was just being nice?" Etc etc etc and it goes on and on ... and all the time this bloke is thinking "she's so easy, this won't take me long".

I can't stand noise either, I hate it when DH spoils the silence by putting the stupid radio on. And I can do eye contact until I start feeling uncomfortable or intimidated and then my eyes dart around the room like a loon.