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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To take the day off sick

21 replies

Mooey89 · 28/09/2017 07:27

I have a really stressful job (social work). The stress has been building for some time and I have felt at breaking point for a while. This week it has been worse.

Alongside this, I have an abusive ex H who is causing a lot of personal stress at the moment and honestly with everything I just feel on the edge.

I do have depression, I'm on fleouxotine 40mg per day, but usually I control it quite well.

Yesterday following an incident early morning with said ex, I had a huge breakdown at work, couldn't stop crying, had to tell my boss that I was taking the day off sick.
I have tomorrow and Monday off anyway, so if I took today sick it would take me until Tuesday to compose myself and try and head off a major breakdown which might require more time off.

I feel so low and in despair

Yesterday I booked some more counselling, so I am being proactive. I just don't know what to say to work

AIBU?

OP posts:

Alexkate2468 · 28/09/2017 07:31

Not unreasonable at all. You've done the right thing. Well done for spring signs that something bigger might be coming. Be kind to yourself and take more time if you need it

TakeThatFuckingDressOffNow · 28/09/2017 07:31

You must take the time off - it is TOTALLY justifiable. You do not need to explain yourself or give a reason. You are unwell and very sorry you cannot come in today.

Please take care of yourself. The counselling is really important. Have you looked into CBT?

Is there a way you could take any more time off maybe a few weeks, some sort ofnoeave of absence. You need time to have a rest and then try and make some structural changes to your life.

You are doing incredibly well holding it together but you must take a break.

LindyHemming · 28/09/2017 07:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Livingdiisgracefully · 28/09/2017 07:37

Sounds like your boss knows you've got a lot on your plate at the moment. I'm amazed that your job doesn't offer some kind of counselling to its employees. No wonder so many of you experienced burnout.

Can you just not be honest that your mental health is fragile at the moment. After all mh should not be a stigma, and managers in your profession should recognise that.

FakePlasticTeaLeaves · 28/09/2017 07:38

Please take it off. You are unwell and need to rest up and get better. I've had very similar situations so I know the guilt that can come with taking time off for mental health, but it's always the best idea x

LloydColeandtheCoconuts · 28/09/2017 07:40

Yes, take the day off. My best friend worked in CP and was so stressed but ignored everything her body was telling her and ended up having a breakdown and was signed off for 6months.
I'm not saying this will happen to you OP, I'm saying you already have an awareness of what your body is telling you, so listen to it and please look after yourself. I hope you have people around you who can support you too.

Original poster

Mooey89 · 28/09/2017 07:41

They do offer counselling but it's 4 sessions and I did it before and it wasn't great!

I have recently finished a 4 month course of counselling with a domestic abuse charity which finished 3 months ago but they are hugely underfunded and that's all they can offer.

OP posts:

Original poster

Mooey89 · 28/09/2017 07:41

They do offer counselling but it's 4 sessions and I did it before and it wasn't great!

I have recently finished a 4 month course of counselling with a domestic abuse charity which finished 3 months ago but they are hugely underfunded and that's all they can offer.

OP posts:

Livingdiisgracefully · 28/09/2017 07:48

No four sessions barely scratches the surface. Good for you OP for being proactive. Are there any low cost counselling services in your area that offer open-ended sessions. We've got several near us.

supersop60 · 28/09/2017 07:59

Please take sick leave.

Original poster

Mooey89 · 28/09/2017 08:05

I have just emailed my boss.
I said Im feeling like my mental health is fragile and I need to take today to try to head off a bigger episode and have booked some counselling...

I'm not even sure I can phone? Feel so anxious. I told them to call to discuss if they want to... oh god I should have called shouldn't I. I can't even make any decisions

OP posts:

eggsandwich · 28/09/2017 08:07

Absolutely take the day off, my ds has had a few social workers over the years and currently has a new one as his previous one has gone on long term sick I suspect due to stress.

Look after yourself and if you need longer take it, I would also like to add that all my ds social workers have been really lovely and caring which has really helped us as a family and you all do an amazing job in what must be very difficult circumstances, I know I wouldn’t want your job.

LazyDailyMailJournos · 28/09/2017 08:09

Firstly, you have done the right thing by emailing in sick.

Secondly, I think you need to try and get an emergency appointment with your GP and tell them about how you are feeling. Waiting for counselling is all very well and good but the issues you have now are more immediate and could perhaps be helped by adjusting the dosage you are on.

Finally, be kind to yourself. It sounds as if you are dealing with a huge amount of stress in both your personal and professional lives. You are doing the right thing by recognising that things are worsening and taking action to try and address it.

Antoniacaenis · 28/09/2017 08:13

Would something like this be available in your area?

www.nhs.uk/Conditions/online-mental-health-services/Pages/ieso-digital-health.aspx

Round here you can self refer, its free and I found it pretty good.

Hope things improve for you soon OP - YANBU by the way

Original poster

Mooey89 · 28/09/2017 09:11

We used to have that but it's not available anymore.

OP posts:

Livingdiisgracefully · 28/09/2017 09:58

Op try not to second guess yourself. You've done the right thing telling your boss and saying they can call you if they need to. It's your anxiety levels that are causing you to worry about this at the moment.

Is there anything that you find relaxing to do - reading, watching telly, having a nice bath, gardening, that you could do now to calm yourself?

As pp said, it's much better to have a few days off now than have a breakdown later,

Aderyn17 · 28/09/2017 10:02

Just to say that your email sounds perfect and no, you don't need to phone in.

stolemyusername · 28/09/2017 10:12

Take the day off and prioritise your own mental health.

Original poster

Mooey89 · 28/09/2017 11:12

Thank you all.
I'm having a bath now and bought some trashy magazines.
I'm hoping to go to my body balance (yoga Pilates type) class tonight. The trouble is that I can't face talking to anyone but I do want the exercise...

OP posts:

LazyDailyMailJournos · 28/09/2017 16:46

Go in with earbuds in at the last moment possible, do the class and then at the end if anyone tries to chat, give them a big smile and say "Really sorry but I have to rush - I'll catch up with you another time" and leg it out the door.

BabsGanoush · 28/09/2017 17:16

Remember you can self-certificate for 7 days.

My employer gives back annual leave if we are off sick (L Gov) - as a SW assume yours does too.

Look at your sickness policy.

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