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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say I don't know when I'll be back at work?

31 replies

pomadas87 · 28/09/2017 07:07

Starting maternity leave soon, I told my employer I was pregnant and my due date back in May.

I think the mat leave is generous - 6 months full pay, then on to 3 months statutory and then final 3 months unpaid.

In my chats with HR and my manager I said I was thinking of taking around 6-8 months, but I wasn't too sure yet. HR said this was completely fine and i don't need to confirm when I'm coming back yet.

There is freeze on external recruitment at the moment at my organisation due to budget cuts. So my position was advertised internally a couple of weeks ago with 'circa 7 months' as the contract length as HR said to me they can always extend contract if I want to take longer.

A colleague then said yesterday he thinks no one will apply as it's only 7 months so not a satisfactory secondment or new job opportunity for someone internal.
He then essentially said:

  • 7 months sounds very short to have off
  • once I meet my baby I will probably feel differently and want to take longer
  • childcare is very expensive so isn't it better to take as long as possible on mat leave
  • that if i come back after 7 months he hopes it's because I want to and not because it's busy at work and I feel I need to get back to help

Overall I got the feeling he's telling me that '6-8' months is unrealistic and I'm preventing them finding adequate cover because of my uncertainty. AIBU? I thought I was allowed to make up my mind later? Would appreciate opinions!

OP posts:
Original poster
pomadas87 · 28/09/2017 07:08

To clarify, baby due in November

OP posts:
SabineUndine · 28/09/2017 07:09

Is it any of his business?

Kailoer · 28/09/2017 07:11

Acceptable response:

If he's a friend - talk it over with him as you've said here

If just a colleague - none of his business, rebuff and remind of that

If your Manager, you know your legal rights, remind him of your preferred setup and the keep reminding

AlpacasPackOwls · 28/09/2017 07:12

Yes, it's up to you. My work assume 12 months as standard for everyone. Then you tell them (with the correct notice - 28 days I think) if you want to change it.

The cover they need is not your issue and they shouldn't be making it so.

Original poster
pomadas87 · 28/09/2017 07:12

He believes so as he is a colleague (as in we work quite closely together on some but not all projects) and thinks it will impact his workload if no replacement is found

OP posts:
Gorgosparta · 28/09/2017 07:12

I think he is right that a 7 minths secondment would put people off. It woukd for anyone wanting to work in my department. It takes a wile to pick up the details.

But thats not your problem. You may change your mind. I was planning 9 minths and returned at 6 as dh started eorking for himself and could take in most childcare. I was really happy to go back.

You could decide to take longer. Who knows? Unless he is a serial dickhead and mansplainer, i would guess he is just pointing out facts.

7 minth secondment might put people off. You may decide to take a different amount of time.

I would advertise the secondment as 'up to 12 months'. And explain we can not give exact dates as per maternity regulation, at assesment stage.

MelvinThePenguin · 28/09/2017 07:16

I took a secondment advertised for 7 months. It wasn't even maternity cover.

Legally you can change your return date so long as you give 8 weeks' notice (or less if your company's policies require less).

Your colleague shouldn't be getting involved and risks being guilty of harassment/discrimination on the grounds of pregnancy if he continues.

MelvinThePenguin · 28/09/2017 07:23

Sorry, I mean harassment on the grounds of sex. Harassment on the grounds of pregnancy isn't a thing, inexplicably!

BakedBeans47 · 28/09/2017 07:27

The better way for them to manage it would be to tell you your end date for the 52 weeks leave and put the onus on you to give them 8 weeks notice of going back. They could just advertise the post as “maternity leave cover” rather than for a specific time.

AccrualIntentions · 28/09/2017 07:31

He may well be correct about a 7 month advertisement, probably less of an issue if it's an internal secondment, but it's also none of his business. And you can absolutely make up your mind later, I'm due at the same time and was asked to give an indicative date of when I'd like to come back, but it didn't have to be set in stone.

scaryclown · 28/09/2017 07:38

Bollocks. He's rehearsing his case to get extra responsibility pay.
I would totally for a 6-7 month role, as I like learning and delivering quickly. Plodder always think the whole world want 25 years of the same. Is your colleague a plodder? Grin

Bubblebubblepop · 28/09/2017 07:41

None of his business. I went back after 7 months, 2 months earlier than planned, because I was bored. Mention that one to him Grin

It's also none of your business really. It's a company problem, and everyday, minor, issue

Appuskidu · 28/09/2017 07:43

It's not any of his business really if he's not your boss, but I suppose people are allowed to have opinions (you don't have to care about them though!).

I

retreatwhispering · 28/09/2017 07:46

I'd go for a 7 month role for all kinds of reasons. But as others have said, this isn't your problem.

Ploppie4 · 28/09/2017 07:47

I'm with your colleague. Everyone I know wants longer off when the baby finally arrives.

Ploppie4 · 28/09/2017 07:49

Is he a parent? I think that puts a different slant on things bebause he knows what being a new parent is like

DropZoneOne · 28/09/2017 07:51

I took a 6 month role, wasn't working before (had been made redundant) and it was a good in. Got extended to 9 months, then to 15 months then I was successful in a permanent role.

Now the company advertise all maternity as up to 12 months FTC, they can give 1 months notice of the contract ending.

Your colleague is a knob.

RainbowPastel · 28/09/2017 07:52

It's none of his business but he's right.

supersop60 · 28/09/2017 07:55

As a pp has said - just advertise it as maternity cover. if then asked, say it's up to 12 months. Anyone taking on that job would know that the end date is flexible.

MoralBeryl · 28/09/2017 07:56

Everyone claiming the colleague is right, you do know that:

a) your experience/ your friend's experience/ the experience of Mrs Jones in the office next door, is not the same as everyone else's?

b) it's incredibly disappointing (at best) that women cannot be supportive of other women's maternity choices. What chance have we got of changing anything?

Trills · 28/09/2017 07:58

I wonder why they even ask you for an estimate, if they are then going to be like this?

They can just say "we'll assume up to 12 months but you can come back any time if you give a month's notice".

scaryclown · 28/09/2017 08:02

He's not right, don't be stupid.
6 month positions are brilliant for proving yourself.
If he can't plan and manage, it's his failing.
All that blokey 'oh she won't come back,' shit isn't fact, it's tactics.
It's illegal to suggest it.
Who gives a fuck if he has to work harder for a bit.. Diddums.. Families are a collective responsibility. Men are supposed to take the strain when women have babies... If you are in his selectively sexist world.
OR, he was trying to be nice and say 'look dude, it's important you do it right, don't worry about work and take what you need it's OK by me..

I dunno..

EverythingWillBeGreat · 28/09/2017 08:30

that if i come back after 7 months he hopes it's because I want to and not because it's busy at work and I feel I need to get back to help
That's the only valid reason and yes I do hope you wouldn't go back to work for that reason only.

All the rest, he has no idea, incl the cost of childcare.

What this colleague is doing is being worried no one will replace you and that 7 months is too short for someone to apply for that position.

Don't worry about that. Carry on talking with HR and decide what is best for YOU.

Fwiw at 6 months I was more than ready to go back to work. I do know some people aren't and much prefer staying at home for a year. It is a very personal thing and says nothing about you as a mother

Original poster
pomadas87 · 28/09/2017 08:31

So shall I just leave it (advert has closed now and I don't think they received any applications) or suggest they should readvertise saying 'up to 9 months' for instance.

I don't want to be seen as being tricky!

More I think about my colleague, the more I think he needs to keep his opinions to himself ... I would never say those things to someone at work, friend or not Confused

OP posts:
greendale17 · 28/09/2017 08:45

He's right and that is the type of advice I would give to a friend