To think my teenage daughter hates me....

[whoevencares]

Hi all.

New to MumsNet but after reading ALL the posts over the last few days I feel you lot might have the answers....

I have a 13 year old daughter, recently started her periods, very grown up for her age. She’s mostly been great growing up, few issues here and there but nothing we couldn’t manage.
Recently though it’s like she has been taken over by the devil.
On a daily basis I have things thrown at me, I get yelled at, doors get slammed, she shoves me, constantly answers back, calls me names + generally acts like she despises my existence... I don’t even get to finish a sentence before I’m told to “SHUT UP”.
I am fully aware she’s hormonal, I’m the most irrational person in the world when it’s my time of month, but I feel this is off the scale behaviour.....
Here’s the thing though, she’s only like this when her Dads at work/out, never when he’s home. So, when I try and explain what’s it’s like, he just can’t understand!!!!!
{she also hates on her younger sister to the point I have to keep them in separate rooms at most times!}
Is this normal???
Any advice?? Please say it will pass!!!!

Thanks in advance!!!!

From my experience as a parent of children who are now young adults, this is definitely not normal. Her behaviour sounds horrific, and she is assaulting you as well. What is your response to her about this? Are there any consequences for her actions?

No it's not normal and I'm 100% sure you know that.

It sounds like something is deeply distressing her, so please don't put it down to hormones.

It would be more normal if she was like it all the time because at least then you'd know she couldn't help it (or didn't want to stop it). If Shea targeting you and stops whenever her dad is in, it's almost as if her problem could be with him.
Is there no chance at all of having a conversation with her? Or for someone you both trust to talk to her?

Thanks for your replies!
She performs well at school, has a great group of friends, participates in after school activities, our family life is happy and balanced and, to everyone else, she’s a great girl....
When it’s just us though she’s like a different person, I can’t understand it.
I’ve tried ignoring the behaviour, I’ve tried responding to it, phones been confiscated, she’s not been allowed to see her friends etc... nothing seems to work.
My main issue is that no one else {apart from her sister who makes light of it} sees this behaviour so my husband and mum think I’m being harsh on her.
Really not sure what to do and am hoping it’s a horrible phase that’s passes soon!

try 1-2-1 special time she gets some choice in out of the house, preferably involving some driving, as I find my teenagers speak more in the car.

Get a nannycam or other means of recording the way she treats you so you can have a record of her behaviour to show your DH, then decide on a plan to help her.