To think my husband should drink less now I'm pregnant?

[OrangeAndPink]

He was out with work tonight and came back drunk (said he'd "only" had 5 pints) then going away this weekend to stay with one of his mates who's a big drinker. Meanwhile I'm stuck at home... Whenever I bring it up he says he just wants to enjoy his freedom before the baby arrives.

I have no doubts at all that he'll knock this all on the head the second the baby is born but AIBU to wish he'd just do it now??

It's pointless to stop him drinking.
When I got SPD, should I have stopped my husband going to the gym because I couldn't?
It just doesn't serve any point at all. Unless it's for "solidarity" but a relationship that you think is strong enough to bring a child into should be strong enough to feel there is solidarity without stopping him drinking.

Don't focus on the drinking or not. Focus on the real issue that he is living on a different timetable to you.

Oh dear
Do you really think he’s going to stop drinking and completely change his habits when the baby is born?
I’m dubious

I'm in two minds about this one - it isn't reasonable to ask him to cut down on drinking just because you can't have a drink. I think it is reasonable to ask him yo cut down if you think he drinks too much in general and aren't happy with money/health implications that it causes...
I'm not keen on his 'enjoying my freedom' comment though.... sounds like he think it's a prison sentence rather than raising his child!

I think you are being U to ask to go cold turkey in the same way that pregnancy has forced upon you. I would, however, not be as optimistic as you about him making an immediate change after the birth either.

Can you suggest that he starts to wind it back a bit slowly so that in the couple of weeks prior to the birth he is around and available in case a quick dash to hospital. He should then be in a better place to be around after the birth. You can highlight that Xmas will offer a few opportunities for blowouts but that you will need him to be able to help with the child.

Framing it as a jealous request of pregnant woman hasn't helped your cause.

I don't think yabu OP. It sounds like he isn't quite gearing up for how much life will change. Also, considering how much life will change why doesn't he want to spend more time one on one with you and get that couple alone time in the bank? I'd discuss it now before the baby comes.

If your social circle always get drunk rather than just have a few drinks, over the next few years you are going to have vanishingly little in common. Full mornings recovering in bed don't work with a baby up at dawn. I'd suggest you try and find some new friends via NCT, Mush, Bump to baby groups and so on. And try and spend some time round kids with your husband so the penny starts to drop.

You don't want to be posting in a year saying your husband has carried on exactly as before and you have no friends.

I agree with you OP, I have asked me partner to cut down but because he is so drunk I have to sit up all night making sure he doesn't sleep on his side and then spend the next day looking after his hangover which I am just to exhausted to do. Not to mention the fact we have one bathroom and with my morning sickness and his hangover sickness there is not enough room for that!!!

YABU. Good idea to have a bit of fun before your lives change forever. Not that that won't be fun too, but just in a very different way. Why are you stuck at home though? Book yourself a spa weekend.

I suggested the same to my husband- we were both big drinkers before pregnancy, so if I've given up why shouldn't he?

Incorrect. Why should he?

I'm really lucky as my husband has vowed to avoid booze whilst I can't have any. However, I don't begrudge him a night out every once in a while. I'm off on holiday with a friend for a week soon and have told him to go nuts. If he doesn't want to stop, but is willing to cut down, is that enough? I do think it's only fair for the dad to acknowledge the mum's restrictions, but if you keep him sweet now, you can hand over baby after it's born and go out on the lash! ;)

I don't understand this at all, you want him to not drink just because you can't I just find it a very odd way to think

Ok so you can't drink but pregnant women can still go out and have fun and now is the time to make the most of going for dinner etc with friends as the first few months with a new born can be hectic.

I think it’s very unreasonable to expect him not to socialise because you don’t want to and not to drink because you can’t.

But why can't you organise things with your friends of an evening that isn't clubbing or bars? Dinner or cinema? If you want to be in bed by 11 then you can get home for 10 and they can club after if they really must.

Does he also need to give up blue cheese, pate, shellfish and whatever else is on the list for pregnant women?
No, I thought not.

Does he also need to give up blue cheese, pate, shellfish and whatever else is on the list for pregnant women?
No, I thought not.grin

None of those would make the OP's husband sleep until lunchtime. I think YANBU OP.

Bolding failure.

Ok point taken but if he agreed to get up by say 10am would that make it ok?

Dull friends and no hobbies issue. If all either of you do is swill to oblivion, and that is the only point of a night out, then that's something you cant do with a total dependent in the house.

Good times can be had without getting hammered, but possibly not with these people.

Best of luck and hope you dont need it.

mollifly, why do you have to 'look after' your partner's hangover? He's not ill! On the rare occasions my OH has been so hungover he can't get up, I just leave him to fester and get on with my day.

Also, not sure why you'd stay awake all night to monitor him. If his drinking is so bad that you think he might actually die in the night, that sounds like a huge problem.

Ok point taken but if he agreed to get up by say 10am would that make it ok?

To me, yes it would. I said YANBU to the OP more thinking of my own situation where we tend to drink at home and I find drunk people irritating when I'm sober so DP drank far less when I was pregnant but I'm revising that stance now, because OP is talking about her DH going out. That wouldn't bother me as long as it's not all the time. If it didn't impact on me then I wouldn't object.