to think my ds needs therapy/counselling

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My DS has issues with anxiety/ocd and problems controlling his temper.We've pretty much come to the conclusion that he needs some professional help.On CAMHS waiting list but want to look into a private counsellor.But have no idea where to start.Any advice?He's 7.

He's still little we had the same with our dis and we started with some books from amazon which helped us to describe his feelings. It was often frustration which lead to his rage. We found organised sport helped too. Now a few years on he's calm and resilient. Please do what you think is best but those books helped us. 💐

Little, which books did you use?

The book was " what to do when your temper flares" it explained he feelings like a volcano and the fear that follows, it was a great place to start talking about it without blame,

We would talk about it around bed time

Thanks for replying.We just got a book about worry and another about anger.They're getting a mixed reception but fully intend to keep going with them.We're at the end of our tether with him and can't think what to do next.

Hi there. We have really struggled with my DD who is now 8. Following my DS cancer diagnosis she has really struggled with anxiety,OCD and a fear of everything going...dying,spiders,being electrocuted,storms,ghosts,anything!

We got a CAMH referral and were told it would be 8 months until she was seen. I could not wait that long. Anxiety seems to peak really quickly,and I was scared about how fast things were getting out of hand. I booked her in for some sessions with Relate,they offer free children's counselling,the length of sessions depends on your location,but it definitely helped to give her an avenue to talk,and got us through to the CAMH appointment. Try using relaxation techniques,self help books, "what to do when you worry too much" aimed at children gives them activities for you both to work through and I think continuity is the key. Keep going over and over things,it seems so frustrating and I found it hard,but their brains are so different to ours that anxiety seems to expel itself in different ways. And try and call your local Relate centre asap to get booked in. Good luck

There are lots of great books out there, 7 is a funny age, for girls they still are treated as still cute and little for boys it's like they are treated almost as older children. All the boys in the year were the same then a year later it was okay. Keep talking about it and it will help

Yes that's the book we have.Have managed a few chapters but reading it has been making him angry.Also now that he has identified himself as having 'anger problems' he's using it as an excuse for being bad tempered.

I actually felt scared for him at that age, but now he is a wonderful boy and now I realise how sensitive he is. He'll be coming back to you any day now

I'd agree with littlebillie, I would try an approach like that at 7. Get him into some team activities. Get him to choose an out of school activity he may be interested in - music, art, sports, scouts anything - refocus him. I'd be very reluctant to 'formalise' a 7 year old's difficulties into having to see a professional. There is much you can do as parents to move him into a better lane. Anxiety/OCD at 7 is possibly just a reflection of his feeling of lack of control over his own world. Are you sure he isn't being bullied, sibling envy etc. Expand his horizons and he will find a fit where he won't feel as insecure.

Oh my goodness han I hope your family are all safe and well.

My DS has always been a bit of a handful.Both school and others have suggested possible Aspergers.Really struggling to stay calm in the face of the aggression (verbal and physical) and the refusal to co-operate much at all.

Hi op think that book sounds a great idea.

Our dd is 18 and is anxious to the point of anti baking hands constantly and afraid of germs. She has ptsd from aged 12 but this is a new manifestation from 6 months ago. Previously it was just bad dreams and general anxiety.

She's had counselling for years but we find the best way she and we manage is by sharing her anxieties with friends and family and talking about anything and everything. I have anxiety too and share that with her.

Not saying councelling doesn't work but it can become a 'dirty little secret! that the child attends and none asks about or shares.

For our family it's about talking and sharing and to an extent normalising feelings which are valid to that person but can't be allowed to control that person so we discuss strategies and ways to cope.

It's working better then years of councelling had. She's calmer now. She happy.

He's only 7 so has years to cope/grow out of this. I think being pragmatic and sympathetic is the best way and to face things as a family. That way everyone gets support. Good luck op

Sibling rivalry is an issue.He does scouts and gymnastics plus football after school now too.

Have a look on the BACP website www.itsgoodtotalk.org.uk there's a counselling directory of all types of therapists and an easy search tool. BACP are well a respected organisation and therapists have to jump through hoops to register with them so you can rest assured therapists are thoroughly trained, qualified, insured etc. If you struggle to find what you want, call them, they are helpful and will steer you in the right direction.

Art therapy tends to be good for young children, it's a good way of developing a relationship with the therapist without any pressure, they do things like draw, look at artwork, discuss and the talking evolves naturally from that.

Have you also considered family therapy? It can be helpful for everyone to talk together but it depends on your sons personality and whether he would be able to open up with immediate family members present. The most important thing for him is to be able to speak openly and freely without fear of reprisal or judgement.

It sounds like you are doing the right thing, trying to nip it in the bud and deal with it sooner rather than later. Is he happy at school? OCD and anxiety might be indicative of some issues there. I'm just guessing.

Good luck with it, I hope you find him the help he needs

He won't say yet what his worries are.Nor will he say who he's angry with.I know it may come out eventually His response to the anxiety book has been far more positive than his reaction to the anger one.So that's a clue in itself.

Thanks so much for replying.Good to know that there are ways to help him

School a little better this year so far.The end of last year was tough.Pretty severe ocd and a letter home about his behaviour.

Art therapy sounds great.He loves talking about painters and stuff.I'm struggling to get him to open up to me so I doubt he would share his anxieties with a counsellor if we were all there.That's not to say it may not work in the future.

Thanks again

Art therapy, music, singing and sport all Help. Though sport can be too much and art calmer.

Our dd runs art therapy classes for kids with anxiety and ptsd and it's helped them and her.

Hang in there op. X

7 is around the age all children start to be aware of the world and how vulnerable they are so it's normal for this age group to start feeling anxious (so said therapist!) books are great but if you still want a private referral ask your GP to recommend a local service to you. Some insurance companies will cover sessions. Good luck.

My high functioning autistic son has significant anger issues as a direct result of his anxiety. Addressing the underlying anxiety has significantly reduced his anger issues. If your son is responding better to the anxiety book I would be inclined to stick with that one for now. Good luck with it.

Thanks everyone.

frantic do you mind me asking what other traits your son displays and at what age autism was identified?My son is bright, good with language but can't understand the importance of other people's feelings at all.Does ok at school but has problems with focus and gets frustrated when he makes small mistakes.He does have friends - boys and girls.

I would ask your GP if they know of anyone they can recommend. They often build up relationships with local practices and gain feedback via their patients. It can be difficult to navigate getting the right therapist. MH is so chronically underfunded, the waiting times are too long especially for children where timing can be crucial.