ask uk smokers when abroad do you smoke at the table ?

[Bahhhhhumbug]

Firstly l am a lifelong non smoker but have no problem with smokers in general as long as they are considerate which my smoking friends generally are. But just got back from a holiday with one other non smoker and one smoker. Never had any issues in the UK for obvious reasons with the smoker but on holiday was a very different matter. Every bastard time we sat down for a coffee or a meal she lit up and as she was sat obv.in close proximity it was really unpleasant and l asked her politely if she'd mind not smoking so near me when lm eating/ drinking. So she made a big thing of it being 'allowed' here but said she would try and keep ' downwind' of me. Thing is its not 'allowed' where we were (in Eu) but they choose to ignore it there and get round it by having all open sided restaurants and taverna type cafes etc. so you are arguably 'outside' but your e not iyswim
So l said to her this wasn't really the point and could she please just not smoke whilst we are at the table as it really bothers me (asthmatic) to which she made a big show of holding the cigarette behind her head slightly. I told her this was pointless as what with the breeze blowing in and the aircon fanning us this made no difference.
My fellow non smoker joined in the next evening and said she too would rather she desisted or went outside whilst we were dining at least
So out she goes and next thing pops up at open window at side of us and continues her conversation with the fellow NS whilst exhaling her smoke straight through the open window straight at us imbetween sentences.
We ended up rowing next day as l simply said l was going to start eating alone as l really couldn't face this every meal and drink l had for a fortnight. I was then accused of 'sulking' and 'spoiling the holiday' I was in fact trying to save the holiday in a way that was acceptable for all of us which l made clear. I said that l accepted that she felt she was entitled to smoke where it is ( albeit unofficially ) allowed but l was also entitled to not have every meal spoilt by the smell and taste and burning eyes from cigarette smoke.
I never would have invited her had l known it would be like this and to add insult to injury l paid for the holiday as a present to
fellow N/S and only invited her friend for company for her as my nightclubbing days etc are behind me.

I will always move away from the table when people are eating or if with non-smokers, especially if it had been expressed they didn't like it. This leads to awkward situations with foreign wait staff where they try to tell me it's ok but I have to explain I am English and I couldn't possibly smoke around someone who was eating! If other people around then start smoking later in the evening I will stay, but if non-smokers at my table didn't like it I would stand away. Just polite really.

I have never been a smoker and deliberately dont make friends with smokers so never had a friend who smokes. In hospital waiting room yesterday as someone sat next to me reeking of smoke so had to move to other side. The smell is disgusting.

That person is not a friend to you. She is selfish and vile. -As smokers often are- YWBVVNU (if that makes sense) and SWBVVU

When smoking was allowed in restaurants here, nobody I knew (I was a smoker and so were the majority of my friends) would smoke until everyone at the table had finished eating, it's just polite! Sometimes we smoked between courses, but mostly we'd wait until after the meal was finished. It was fine to smoke if people were just drinking.

My husband is a heavy smoker and definitely smokes even more when we are abroad but he always moves away from the table to smoke despite waiters assuring him he can smoke at the table . Unfortunately not everyone is so considerate ( although it means I spend a lot of time on my own!)

I used to smoke and would always move away from a table whilst people were saying as I hated (and still do) people smoking near me when I was eating. I would also ask if they minded if I had a cigarette when we were having a drink and if they did I would move away. I'm now an ex smoker ( 4years) but have friends who smoke and they always ask if I mind and move away with no problem if I do.

I dont smoke anymore. But it would really depend.

Quiet cafe, sat outdoors with no people around or all smokers around. Yes i would have.

In a packed place sat with non smokers, or lots of people who clearly arent smoking, then i wouldnt have.

I would have a look around and see what others were doing. 9 times out of 10, i wouldnt have.

I have never been a smoker and deliberately dont make friends with smokers so never had a friend who smokes

How's that work then?

Op I'm a smoker and just couldn't smoke at a table no matter where it was. Especially if I was clearly annoying someone.

Smoking is grim, smoking while people are eating is totally unacceptable. I smoked for years but would never smoke at the table during dinner.

YANBU

Bitchy : Smoker
BW DH : Non smoker

I would never smoke during his dinner no matter where we are on holiday. It's disgusting.

Whatever your views are, this woman was beyond rude.

What did the other non-smoker have to say after your row? How was it resolved in the end?

Pointing - it works by noticing if someone smokes and going nowhere near them so dont get close enough to them to develop a friendship - its mot difficult. I am 60 and have never had a friend who smokes

Thank you for your replies , I think the whole argument which you seem to all have agreed with in one way or another comes from the fact that people could smoke here in pubs,clubs restaurants and cafes at one time so why is it such a problem to non smokers now when they go abroad and (shock horror) a smoker makes the most of it and lights up? But even then I always chose a non smoking table or area (remember those ? ). and ever since when abroad somewhere where smoking is 'allowed' I would always move away from smokers or deliberately not sit near any as much as possible. problem was obviously I was on holiday with two other people so getting up and sitting at another table would really have looked like sulking or flouncing.

Another thing that got me was her insistence on smoking just outside the open patio doors in our accomodation on our main balcony (which also meant the aircon automatically switched off) because she wanted continue talking to other N/S who really didn't want to fall out with her so was just going along with it (or impression I got at least) .I definitely didn't engage with her because for one I wanted the damn door shut for the aircon (very hot) to come back on and for two the smoke was blowing in from outside (as it does). Nightmare.
What I didn't understand was as it was lovely fine weather where we were and no-one was asking her to stand out in the freezing wind and rain (like here) then why couldn't she just walk a few yards away and have her cigarette outside away from us or even when we were walking down to the town (about ten minutes) but no she waited till we sat to have a meal or a coffee and snack.

DH is a smoker and waits till we have finished eating when outside abroad or at home and sits back from us or goes elsewhere if others around not smoking or eating

I think it's incredibly rude to spoil someone's meal by smoking around them whilst they are eating. It should be basic civility (and actually law) not to. I don't think smokers realise how unpleasant it actually is for others. YANBU.

Nanny sorry x posts as I said above I got the distinct impression the N/S from talking to her afterwards was just sitting on the fence because she is good friends with her and as she said didn't want to spoil the holiday so chose to ignore it because as she said the smoker never did this at home never smoked in her house when she visited non smoker and obviously cant smoke in pubs restaurants and so on at home. So whilst it did bother her she said (but not as much as me clearly) I think she decided to just put up and shut up as the woman was obviously only willing to make very small changes (i.e. holding the bloody fag behind her or standing outside but still alongside us) and it was only for a fortnight and I guess she thought wasnt worth losing the friendship for. I am still on good terms with the N/S though we did end up all having a big row after a few days of this carry on (N/S sat on the fence was more me and the smoker arguing) but I haven't spoken to the smoker since we came back and wouldn't care if I never did again quite frankly.

I’m a smoker and YANBU.

Oh, she was unreasonable.

Actually the small changes (popping up alongside us at an open window) even they went by the wayside after a day and she just reverted to smoking at the table at breakfast the next morning her argument being the cigarette was 'outside' when she held it out behind her in her outstretched arm (open air between pillars and we were sat around the edge iyswim ).

Yes exactly Polkadotty and in fact as I said in OP it is actually (I have an expat relative lives there) illegal there technically but they get round it because it's a grey area when your sat in a taverna/ veranda type building what is outside and what is inside but technically you are inside their restaurant/establishment so really it shouldn't be allowed.