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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be shat off

2 replies

justilou1 · 27/09/2017 15:03

A week ago, my husband lost his job. It was totally unexpected and he is understandably crushed. To his credit, he has not stood idly by expecting the world to bend towards him - he has been updating his resume and sending it out to all his contacts, etc. He hasn't been sleeping and is obviously very stressed. It is the nature of performance industries that these things sometimes happen regardless of your talent, ability, etc.... Anyhow, since then, I have been running the house, caring for him, caring for the kids (who are of course now on holidays) trying to keep things quiet so that he can focus on what he needs to do, etc... I have organised for some of his friends to take him out for some drinks, I have organised some fun things for him to do that he wouldn't organise for himself, etc... I have held his hand and told him that we have been through much worse and had more at stake in the past and come through it stronger. It's all true.
Meanwhile, I have moved my kids away from my parents for his job - to the other side of the planet. My dad died after a horrible three year illness while we were there, and my mother died after a seven year illness within weeks of us arriving back in the country. My kids are now being educated in English - so I can help with school work again - and they are living in their own culture for the first time. They are happy, I am happy - finally meeting some fabulous people here and making friends. I don't want to have to move unless I really need to - BUT I WILL...
My point is - AIBU for him to ask me how I'm feeling at the moment? Do I have to do all the emotional heavy lifting? When am I allowed to lose my shit and stress out?

OP posts:
GodIsDead · 27/09/2017 15:11

I think YABU. Have you ever been terminated from a job? I have and it’s devastating. The amount of stress, embarrassment, shock and fear that you feel is overwhelming and all consuming. It has only been a week, so your DH is still very much trying to process what happened (and most likely obsessing over why and what he could have done differently) and you need to be there to reassure him and be strong for him. Don’t turn it into something about you OP.

Aquamarine1029 · 27/09/2017 15:15

Of course it's not unreasonable for you to want your husband to ask how you're feeling, but it is unreasonable to expect him to read your mind. It may very well be that because you handle stress so well he thinks you're fine, and with him being so upset about losing his job and so focused trying to find another one, asking how you feel hasn't even crossed his mind.

Just tell him how you feel. And tell him It would mean a lot to you if he took some time to ask about how you're handling all of this upset. Communication has to go both ways. I'm so sorry for your current situation. It's so stressful to lose a job.

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