To be finding this pretty hard

[user1488794856]

I have an 8 months old DD and am currently pregnant with #2.

I am finding being a sahm really hard as I don't have any outside support what so ever.

Dh I great when he is home, but he runs his own business and therefore barely takes any annual leave and has to leave for work very early.

Both our families live over 80 miles away, so during the week I feel soooo lonely.

I was walking around town today and saw so many mum's with what appeared to be their own mum, mil or grandparents, and just felt like it was so unfair.

I know there are single parents out there without a partner to help them out, and I truly am grateful for my dh, however some days I just feel like this could be alot easier, and that most of my friends have more support during the week when they are alone.

Am I the only one that feels like this :( I literally haven't had an hour off, let alone a day off since she was born :( other than the odd time dh has her on his own but it's very very fair :(

Hi, you're not alone. I remember feeling this way when I had ds - my husband travels most weeks, so we rarely saw him apart from at the weekend. Families work full-time time 70 miles away. Childless friends disappeared. It was lonely.

What helped was going to classes - I did 3 a week and made a couple of new friends through those. Once you have a few classes in your diary, the week starts to look less bleak. I found that especially important during the winter.

I also used to head off to my parents house for a few days at a time if I was feeling down, or knew that I had a quiet week ahead (I bought a mini wardrobe for ds and left it there so I didn't need to haul tons of stuff back and forward).

Hang in there, the mumsnet masses are always around!

Do you drive user? If not could you learn?
If you do could you go and stay with your parents sometimes? Do you ask them to come and stay with you ever? A child minder might also help as you could have a day a week to be just you rather than a mum. Are you trained in a particular career? Do you have plans to go back to it if you are, or if not could you plan to train in the future? Sorry for the question overload and sorry you are feeling lonely.

Yes I do drive, however I don't have a great relationship with my own mum, not the type I could just turn up for a few days,and same with mil. I am close with my sister but she has 2 children herself and no extra rooms.

I ran my own business before becoming a sahm, and would love to go back to work, but even though we could financially afford a nanny or childcare, I feel an overwhelming responsibility that this is my role now and that I just need to stick with it even though I find it hard.

Ffs she just woke up after a crappy 40 minute nap 😭 going to be a long afternoon 😔

Are there any parent-and-baby groups near you? I used to go to four every week and soon met the same mums at each.

Could you arrange a holiday, at least, with your sister and her kids? I know you are pregnant and your baby is still young, but even if it's just something in the UK it might help you reconnect.

I think you are perhaps being a bit hard on yourself too. There is nothing wrong with having help looking after your baby so you can have some time to yourself, in my opinion. You could give a child minder a go and if you still don't feel it's right you wouldn't have to stick to it. Was your business the type you could run part time or is that not a possibility?

I know it can be hard when your partner works away and you have a baby- I am in a similar position. What are his thoughts about the way you feel?

There are a few which I plan to start going to, I guess I have just got myself into a place where even in a crowded room I still feel desperately alone.

With the new pregnancy I just don't have the energy to work in the business. I spent my whole first pregnancy getting the business into a position where it could basically run itself, and employed another member of staff to take over my role. My husband oversees my 3 staff members so I'm a bit redundant at the moment.

Dh does listen, but having not done it himself I don't think he quite understands just how suffocating your own 4 walls can feel when it's the same thing day in day out.

The fact that when baby number 2 comes along is only going to exacerbate the issue does slightly terrify me, but tbh this is the reason we are having them close together, to run through the fire rather than walk so to speak.

I understand you don't have energy at the moment; possibly in the future your husband could do the odd day at home looking after the kids while you went to work though. That would also give him a view from your perspective. Maybe the staff you employ could be relied on more allowing your husband to have a few days or half days here and there to spend with you.

I don't want to simply say you sound depressed so go and see your GP, as it sounds like you are just taking time to readjust to your very different new role, but it is possible depression might be making this harder for you, so a chat with your GP or HV might be something to consider.

I am glad your husband is supportive and you get on with your sister. Keep speaking to them.