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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

who was BU - me or DS?

13 replies

VelvetSpoon · 27/09/2017 12:45

Over to the MN jury to settle a dispute.

Background: Ds (19) works FT, but spread over 6 days and mostly evenings. In the summer he was working up to 60 hours a week, now about 40. I also work FT, but just M-F.

I have a crappy commute (the joys of living in the south east!) and if I do whole thing on public transport it can take up to 1.5 hours, even though it's only actually 7 miles. If I go by car however I can cut that time significantly - I can't drive all the way to work (as there's no parking at our office and the public car parks are £10 a day!) but If I drive to the station near the office, I can park near there for free and get train 1 stop - journey takes 45 mins. I can do this quicker if I go to a different station, but only if DS is with me to drive the car back (as there's nowhere to park there) - that takes about 35 mins.

DS had said he needed the car today as he had a few errands to run so I'd be doing the whole journey to work by public transport. fine except that I've been sleeping badly (partly my own fault as I'm very stressed and overworked, partly DS1 and 2 waking me up by leaving all the lights on, being up in the middle of the night cooking/watching TV/ generally clattering about). Last night I woke up at 3, took 2 hours to get back to sleep and then slept through my alarm, so didn't wake up til 7.45 (I need to leave the house by then).

I ended up waking DS up at 8, and asking him to come with me to the station. Which he did, but wasn't happy and said I was being unfair in asking him to, waking him up 'early', I should have just taken the car myself etc.

I pick DS up from the station (different station) at 11.30 every evening he's working, plus I thought I was being fair to him by letting him have the car - WIBU?

OP posts:

TalkinBoutNuthin · 27/09/2017 12:48

Given that he is responsible for waking you up frequently, and that you pick him up at 11.30 pm EVERY night I think he should suck it up and help.

Ask if he would prefer to be completely independent, pay market rent for the room, cook for himself, not get lifts etc.

Silverthorn · 27/09/2017 12:51

Ds was being unreasonable. They need to pipe down at night and be grateful for the use of the car.

jay55 · 27/09/2017 13:22

You didn't wake him that early and you thought he needed the car. Yanbu.

existentialmoment · 27/09/2017 13:25

DS was U.

But given that it is only 7 miles I don't know why you would ever spend 1.5 hours to get there. You could cycle it in 30 mins

Original poster

VelvetSpoon · 27/09/2017 13:28

They don't normally wake me up - this week has been particularly bad, i am tired anyway as trouble sleeping, then when I finally drop off something wakes me up

I did say to him this morning that maybe he should try moving out. He pays £50 a week for his keep which I'm fine with, and sometimes puts petrol in the car. However living away or having his own car (which he said this morning he was going to get) will cost him loads more.

He normally wouldn't be up til 10-11 so 8am was early for him.

OP posts:

Notevilstepmother · 27/09/2017 13:35

It's your car. If he wants it, he needs to drop you off. Notice I said want, not need. He could walk, cycle, get the bus or buy his own car. You are doing him a favour so he shouldn't be moaning at you.

Just ignore him, teenagers are grumpy in the morning. Don't give in and get the train all the way either. Any repeat, just drive to work and don't bother waking him up, and tell him that us what you'd do.

KimmySchmidt1 · 27/09/2017 13:37

why is an adult in full time work living in your house and using your car at all?

Of course he was being unreasonable. Start setting some boundaries, he is taking the p1ss.

Alittlepotofrosie · 27/09/2017 13:37

Time for him to buy his own car.

FrancisCrawford · 27/09/2017 13:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

VelvetSpoon · 27/09/2017 13:47

I knew someone would ask why I don't cycle! Several reasons - I don't have a bike, the roads are really busy and no cycle lane, I'm not a confident cyclist either (a few years ago before that bike got stolen I used to ride 3 miles to watch DS play football...it always took me nearly 30 mins, and that was on flat country lanes not busy, hilly roads), also we don't have showers at work either. So it is public transport or car.

He doesn't have his own car because he doesn't really need one. He works in London so can't drive to work. He only uses it on his day off mainly, and other times when I don't need it.

OP posts:

TheSparrowhawk · 27/09/2017 13:50

He's a cheeky bugger! He should be very very grateful that he lives with you so cheaply and gets to drive your car. I'd cut off access to the car for a while and see how he likes them apples.

Original poster

VelvetSpoon · 27/09/2017 13:51

We've not really had much problem with the car, a few clashes when we both needed it at tne same time, but that mainly happened at weekends, now he's working every weekend it's fairly harmonious - until today anyway.

He cooks for himself, will do washing up etc if I ask. Used to do laundry but since a plumber fucked up the plumbing in the utility room I've had to get him to leave that to me.

OP posts:

TheSparrowhawk · 27/09/2017 13:54

He's just being a moaning Michael. He sounds a nice lad and whinging seems to be a requirement for all children no matter what their age. You weren't wrong and he was cheeky though!

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