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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Feeling guilty about being a vegetarian, but not a vegan

30 replies

2littlemoos · 27/09/2017 12:39

I've recently been eating a plant based whole grain diet for my health which has naturally made me look into vegetarianism/veganism (is that a word).

I have been having a bit of milk and cheese every other day or so and I've still been letting my toddlers have dairy and I guess I just feel like a massive hypocrite.

It's hard to express exactly how I feel but I hope what I've written makes sense.

If you are vegetarian do you feel the same?

OP posts:

Original poster

2littlemoos · 27/09/2017 12:41

Btw to clarify any confusion from my heading I am not a "declared" vegetarian at present but I haven't had meat, fish or eggs for a while and I am making that leap but at the same time feel a bit nervous which I guess is why I haven't made it "official" out loud.

OP posts:

AuntLydia · 27/09/2017 12:42

I tried veganuary and failed but stayed a veggie and no, I don't feel like a hypocrite. Being vegan is a massive commitment that encompasses way more than cutting out dairy. I still aspire to it and will give it another go some time, but right now I'm doing what I can manage by cutting out meat and fish.

Bunnyhipsdontliegrl · 27/09/2017 12:43

You soind more like a journalist than à worried vegetarian. Stop eating milk and cheese if you feel guilty. Or keep eating it (you're only a hypocrite if you lecture people who are not vegetarian. If you mind your own business when it comes to what others eat, what you eat is your problem

specialsubject · 27/09/2017 12:50

Food guilt is a ridiculous emotion.

BellaShLex · 27/09/2017 12:51

I feel the same sometimes but I've only been veggie since May, I'm hoping to keep eliminating non-vegan foods steadily so it's not such an extreme change and every month feels like progress! It's hard as my partner is a meat eater and complains bitterly if I make something without cheese/dairy if he thinks it should have it, usually just make two separate meals.
I think if you're feeling guilty maybe take small steps to changing some of the dairy products to vegan friendly versions, baby steps!!

user1494426473 · 27/09/2017 13:01

I've been vegetarian for several years and would say I'm currently transitioning to veganism. By that I mean i've not managed to cut them out completely yet but I have severely limited my consumption of diary and no longer buy them in their "raw" form (cheese, milk, yoghurt etc) by downfall is that occasionally (say, once a week) if I go out and order say a tart or a quiche I will still eat it even though it has dairy ingredients. I am hoping to slowly get a grip on this over time until I'm eventually not eating any dairy.

What I would say to you though is don't do yourself the disservice of downplaying what an amazing choice you've made not to eat meat. That in itself takes a lot of willpower and a commitment to change and it's fantastic that you've done that. I think anyone who changes their diet has to do so at their own rate - there is no point going cold turkey (excuse the pun) if in the long-term that's only going to result in you slipping up and reverting to eating animal products. If you need to take your time then just make one small change at a time and live with it until it no longer seems like a sacrifice. But the fact that you've already cut out meat is great - well done!

I can't stand very militant vegans who refuse to accept anyone into their "community" who still eats just a tiny bit of dairy. It's not helpful, welcoming or inclusive behaviour.

As for not declaring it, I didn't officially call myself a vegetarian to begin with either. First I stopped eating red meat, then chicken, then fish etc and it was a gradual change over time. You may find that one day you wake up and realise that you plan to eat this way forever and then will feel more comfortable putting a label on it. Until then vote with your pound and if you are still eating very small amounts of dairy perhaps you would feel better finding a local home farm where you can see where the cows are kept and ask how many hours a day they are milked for and what happens to them when they stop producing. If you can find one with a high level of welfare you may feel less guilty buying your dairy products from them rather than the supermarket.

user1494426473 · 27/09/2017 13:02

autocorrect! dairy not diary!!

kirinm · 27/09/2017 13:05

I'm not a vegetarian or vegan so am a massive hypocrite but I think if I did cut out meat, I'd have to go vegan. Dairy farming seems pretty horrific but it is a huge leap - even from vegetarianism.

Bblu3Sky · 27/09/2017 13:06

I eat what I like and enjoy and I don't feel guilty. I don't eat meat. I know a few vegans and I hate it when they start talking about cruelty to animals without ever been to a farm or dairy farm to get the facts and talk to a farmer. We live in a society with choice where there are opportunities to grow your own food or buy it. I don't like food waste and recycle. I have travelled to places where palm oil is grown, people say don't cut down the rain forest. I think that's hypercritcal when that's exactly what has occurred in other countries where there are huge fields of crops. We don't live in a perfect world!

existentialmoment · 27/09/2017 13:09

Well it's not a very logical position is it? I have a vegetarian family member who likes to lecture us all about animal welfare and how cruel we are to eat meat, but happily eats all dairy and is deaf to any mention of the cruelty involved in that industry.
If anything one could argue that dairy etc actually more cruel that meat.

I don't judge anyone personally because I couldn't care less what anyone else chooses to eat, but on pure logic its a shaky diet to choose if your reasoning is animal welfare and ethics.

Brokenbiscuit · 27/09/2017 13:09

I think it's a spectrum, and we all do what we can. Yes, being vegan is better than being vegetarian, but eating meat twice a week is better than eating it every day. Just ditch the guilt and do what you're comfortable with.

LaContessaDiPlump · 27/09/2017 13:11

Speaking on behalf of all vegans, don't worry about it and just do what you can seriously, every little helps (to quote that supermarket).

Mum2OneTeen · 27/09/2017 13:19

I've been 'officially' vegetarian for over 25yrs, but have been trying to be vegan since my daughter decided to be fully vegan nearly 2yrs ago. So basically all meals we cook are now all vegan, but my downfall is butter & brie which only matters if we are having visitors for lunch.

Oh, and chocolate! Lovely creamy milky plain Lindt chocolate! Mmm...

So for me it is a work in progress, something I am aspiring to. I love the challenges of veganising regular recipes & am having lots of fun with vegan baking.

Thought I'd miss cheese as an ingredient in pasta dishes or pizza, but I can't even stand the smell now. I think it's a good aim for me in lots of ways: my health has improved (as measured by blood tests) and it has to be good to avoid unsaturated animal fats. Plus, there are the environmental & ethical considerations that make a convincing argument for veganism as a choice for me.

But butter and brie and milk chocolate....

Original poster

2littlemoos · 27/09/2017 13:25

Thank you for your replies.

Especially thank you for making me feel that removing meat from my diet is something to feel proud of. Pride is something I haven't felt since cutting it out.

I feel like right now I cannot remove dairy but I am at least going to continue to consume much much less of it - I've even been drinking herbal teas instead of coffee and english tea as I like milk in those! So yea, baby steps!

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AllToadsLeadToHome · 27/09/2017 13:35

I also have this feeling, have been vegetarian for many years but can't give up milk or cheese.

The thing is, whatever we do it will harm something somewhere and the current trend for using soya and palm oil is harming other animals elsewhere, removing their habitat, getting them killed for daring to live in it because it is 'needed' to produce these food substitutions. Those creatures are in danger of becoming extinct whereas cows are not and that is what I tell myself.

Soya doesn't suit everyone either and palm oil is disgusting (think of Cadburys non chocolate chocolate) and added to so many things now that it is difficult to buy anything worth eating that is ready made - even the pastry on Quron products contains it.

So, feel proud of yourself for doing what you can, and don't feel bad about what you can't do.

AllToadsLeadToHome · 27/09/2017 13:36

Quron = Quorn

ShinyShits · 27/09/2017 13:37

You said it was for health reasons. I am vegan for health reasons. Ethics doesn't come into it tbh, it's about health for me.

UnicornRainbowColours · 27/09/2017 13:38

I get that, I'm a meat eater and I get guilt for eating it. So I make sure I don't waste my meat and I only eat free range eggs/chicken.

MsHarry · 27/09/2017 13:43

Is it not possible to eat ethically sourced eggs and dairy? Organic or local, small farms for instance? I'm not a vegetarian but my DD is and I know she'd like to be be vegan. O think a good vegetarian diet is a wonderfully healthy thing(as is a good meat eating diet) but veganism sounds like an anti social, life draining and lonely path. I totally get the movement but I don't feel guilty about eating organic meat, eggs and milk.

RiversrunWoodville · 27/09/2017 13:44

I'm a vegetarian although initially for health reasons I just can't eat meat/poultry. However I don't feel guilt for not being vegan, I truly admire those who are. I do eat cheese (some kinds) because my body tolerates it and I enjoy it but I can't have milk or cream or custard so use plant based alternatives. I think what is more important is what is right for the individual and research thoroughly not believing everything you read. I'm not saying that there aren't problems with the industry (there 100% are) but welfare is now hugely improved and this is improved because people now care what they put in/on their bodies

existentialmoment · 27/09/2017 13:46

Is it not possible to eat ethically sourced eggs and dairy? Organic or local, small farms for instance?

Ethical dairy is sort of an oxymoron. You can't get milk from a cow ethically unless you keep your own cow and only take a bit extra when the calf has had enough!

beCreativeInitiate · 27/09/2017 13:52

I sounds shit.

Are you making your toddlers vegetarian too?

Original poster

2littlemoos · 27/09/2017 16:20

I've not really thought about it but as neither of them are currently keen on meat and so I've gotten used to adding lentils and beans etc. to dishes anyway.

They both like eggs and all dairy products which they continue to have.

OP posts:

Bblu3Sky · 27/09/2017 17:02

I read an article where scientists were looking at other sources of protein and looking at growing insects in huge numbers to help feed the worlds population. This is not my preferred choice of food, but it may become the future. Do I admire people who are vegan, no they are on exactly the same status as everyone else.

mydogisthebest · 27/09/2017 17:10

I have been vegetarian for over 30 years and for about the last 5 I have considered becoming vegan.

I hate milk and am not keen on cheese so no problem there but I love eggs. I eat probably 5 eggs a week and would struggle so much to give them up.

I do feel guilty and also pathetic that I can't give up eggs but I do make sure I buy free range - I usually get them from places where I can actually see the chickens running around

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