To take my son out of school for a mental health day?

[JennyLane]

My son has only just turned four and started school in September. He is doing great and has been coping better than I expected, however he has had at least two incidents of violence against him from another child. This child also attacked him several times at preschool and caused him a lot of anxiety. He went from loving school to not wanting to attend.

School have been extremely proactive and supportive of him and are working with the other child and specialist assessments etc are going on there. I don't feel they could have done more than they have done (don't want to go into too many details because not my kid). But my little guy is once again anxious and feeling rather down in the dumps.

I was thinking of keeping him off school tomorrow and taking him out for the day so we can talk and spend some quality time together and build his confidence and self esteem up again. As he's not yet of compulsory school age I don't think I would be doing anything "illegal" but I'm not sure. I wouldn't ask him to lie about it so would be upfront with the school about it.

Agree with the advice about not setting a negative association.

However, could he do some half days? Mine have just started (twins) and are end of july babies. On thursday and friday when i dont work i pick them ip after lunch. Just to give more rest. Might be something to consider.

You sound like a lovely thoughtful mum

He's tired and upset. I'd just give him a long weekend and tell him you think he needs a rest. However I would tell school you feel he needs a rest because another child's behaviour is stressing him and causing anxiety and explain you hope he won't need another day off and you are sure the problem will be dealt with soon. I would make it clear that you will be monitoring all acts of violence against your child and you expect them to cease. Being kind and understanding doesn't get things done.

If the teachers are pointing out to your son who his friends are when he tells them he has none, it might be an idea to reinforce this by asking some of these friends over to play if possible. If you can't have them at your house could you take them somewhere? Strengthening his friendships might help him focus on the positives of attending school rather than being anxious about the aggressive child. Also, if he is in a group of friends it may offer some protection from the aggressive child while the school is resolving the issues.

Excellent idea about inviting a school friend over. My DS1 only started to enjoy school from the February after another child invited him to play one Saturday (and they weren't particularly friends before or after that! But it so helped)

DS2 is currently struggling with starting school (they start aged 3 here so he's a bit younger than yours). One thing that helps him is I've drawn a heart with kisses on on a small piece of paper that he keeps in his pocket. I've also done him a smiley face. He loves having things in his pockets so this cheers him up and lets him know we're thinking of him.

We also get the tears before bedtime at the idea of going to school the next day and tears the next morning from wake up. It is so incredibly tough making them go!

but I know from the experience of my older lad that it gets easier for them.

We are going to invite a child from DS2's class over to ours in October to see if that makes things easier for him.

We will definitely try that. Unfortunately his best friend from preschool has moved away. Although on the way home we ran into the little lad over the road and my son invited him to play so I'll definitely sort that out