To think I cannot help this friend?

[minionmummy]

She has been in an abusive relationship for years, I have always been there for her, so have all her family. At the moment they aren't together but she is constantly on her phone texting him or arguing about something she always says she will never get back with him but always does! Her family are fed up with it.

She says it's her life etc etc which is fair enough but a few weeks down the line he's at it again! Then she's telling us the ins and outs and how she will never get back together with him.

I feel sorry for her kids listening to them arguing and him saying vile things to her! Her house is a state, she was complaining about it this morning I offered to give her a hand but pretty much got ignored the whole time I was there, she was glued to her phone!

It's frustrating giving her advice and telling her how she's worth so much more for her to go and get back with him. Should I just stay out of it? And when she brings him up just say I don't want to hear it anymore.

Whenever I see her she's glued to her phone so I never get the chance to actually chat to her really anyway. She's neglecting her house and children because of it!

I'd definitely keep a distance and hope to hope she sees the light! Is it possible to give her a break from the children now and again? Or more to give her children a break from her?
My approach would be if she's fixated on her phone and ignoring you, tell her you're leaving and you'll see her tomorrow. When she looks up and realises you're not there she may put her brain in gear. Poor kids .

It sounds like you've done what you can. Ultimately, you can be supportive and offer advice but she has to make her own decisions.

Be straight with her and tell her that you think her relationship is abusive and dangerous and that it is affecting her children. Tell her that if she does find the strength to leave him, then you will absolutely be there for her and support her every step of the way, but there is nothing more you can usefully do for her while she continues the relationship. Tell her you're happy to see her, but unless she actually decides to end the relationship then you can't offer any more advice because there is simply nothing more to say.

I speak as someone who has been in an abusive relationship.

Sounds toxic and although it's heartbreaking for the children involved, I'd stay out of it if I were you and cut her out. It sounds harsh but there's no getting through to some people.

The "its her life" argument goes out the window on this one, because. Its not just her life, is it. Its her children and her parents lives, too. Not only is she being unfair to herself. She's also being very unfair to them

@Awwlookatmybabyspider the kids hate him, so whenever that is said to her she says does she not deserve to be happy and the kids have no right dictating who she can't see etc. Even though they have to listen to her being called all the disgusting names under the son and the front door being kicked in!

Those poor poor little ones. That's abuse

If you really think the kids are being neglected then report her to social services. It might give her the kick up the backside she needs. She needs to put her children first! I couldn't be friends with someone like that