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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why can't the kids choose easier parents

19 replies

Fidoandacupoftea · 27/09/2017 07:47

My DDs have always been friends with kids whose parents let's say are not my type, or me theirs. No big fights but def not someone to chat over a coffee. Mums I really get along with DDs don't want to play with, it is so bloody frustrating. I have sent out birthday invites for both DDs and as usual the best friends parents haven't replied, and I will have to send a reminder as DDs absolutely want their best friends, same with play dates, sleepovers. Is it just my luck.

OP posts:
Shittyshopping · 27/09/2017 07:53

So are you saying that your Dds friend does not come to parties/invites just because you and the other parent are not buddy's.

WellThisIsShit · 27/09/2017 07:54

God yes I agree! One of DS's closest friends mother is the rudest woman I've ever met. Perfectly bloody vile. I've tried for two years to smooth over her increasing rudeness and snobbery, but I can't do it anymore, she's just a bloody bitch!!!

I've done nothing for her to loathe me, I'm left with the uncomfortable feeling that she finds my disability repugnant to her. She loves having other 'mummy friends' but I guess she thinks I'm not good enough for her, being so ugly and unable to walk.

Original poster
Fidoandacupoftea · 27/09/2017 08:02

No shittyshopping, both have had best friends over the years, whose parents don't seem to really communicate or ask for play dates, meetups etc with my kids. I know they have others over from the parents circle. They do send their kids over for parties, play dates but it's always after reminder emails, not people I feel comfortable calling and asking if they received my third reminder. It's their choice, just moaning that it would be so nice if they were friends with kids of parents I really get along with

OP posts:
SaucyJack · 27/09/2017 08:06

I think you should step back a bit, and make friends of your own.

NormHonal · 27/09/2017 08:09

I nearly posted this the other day. Both of my DCs seem to have picked current favourite friends whose mothers clearly can't stand me and make no secret of it. I've spent a few years trying and failing to win them over. One looks at me like they've trodden in something bad.

The kids are lovely though. I try to remember that. And they have some lovely friends outside of school whose mums are good friends of mine, so we see them as much as possible.

Original poster
Fidoandacupoftea · 27/09/2017 08:14

I do have friends of my own, I am not looking for friendship with them but at 12 and 9 I do have to organise and host meet ups and communicate with the parents

OP posts:
elQuintoConyo · 27/09/2017 08:23

Be brief and curteous, expect nothing.

DS' best friend's mum isn't my best friend, but we respectfully rub along together (dc are 6yo).

I'd say at 12yo you leave it up to the kids to organise who plays where. And we refuse to host sleepovers unless it is ds' cousin as i'd hate the responsibilty of other people's dc overnight Blush

frogsoup · 27/09/2017 08:30

Saucyjack this really isn't about how many friends you have as an adult, it's about convenience as much as anything. I have plenty of friends but still bemoan the fact that one of my kids is like ops DD, and it just makes life difficult! Invitations not returned, impossible to communicate, me having to do all the running. Other child much more conveniently seems to pick friends whose parents I like, and it's so much more straightforward. He ends up seeing them much more often as the parents understand the concept of reciprocation and of actually answering invites and texts! No to mention that we occasionally spend time with each other as families as we enjoy each others company. Other child will never get that.

frogsoup · 27/09/2017 08:31

Sorry, that should read *my other child.

Shittyshopping · 27/09/2017 10:07

I would not worry about it op. Really no point. People will do as they wish anyway. I would not chase up with emails but that's me.

Ohyesiam · 27/09/2017 10:23

God, I remember those days, and not with nostalgia!
It send like a distant memory now. Just comfort yourself with the thought that it's one thing you will be happy to let go of as the years fly by.

Ohyesiam · 27/09/2017 10:25

Posted early. Meant to say that once they are in senior school it won't be your problem any more. It's only when they ate tiny that other patents feature. I live really rurally , and it's still the case.

LaughingElliot · 27/09/2017 10:27

Ha! So true. They always latch onto kids with the worst parents.

freida20 · 27/09/2017 11:09

blimmin rude parents - i feel sorry for your kids friends as they have parents who can't be bothered to make sure they see their friends and ultimately will end up missing out on things!
I would step back and not chase them to be honest. If its a party at your house and they don't reply then assume they're not coming and forewarn your child. your child is old enough to understand that it's not always possible for her friends to attend all get-togethers. if they turn up unexpectadly at your house - then the usual 'oh i didn't think you were coming' if its at your house at least you can be flexible. if its an organised event you have to book and pay for then underline of highlight the date they need to RSVP with a note saying if you are coming let me know by this date as i have to reserve the spaces. if they don't respond by that date send a little note saying what a shame your child can't make it my dc is so disappointed and would like to invite them to play on another day - and leave it at that! don't even chase the playdate!
If their children are anything like my 9 and 12 year old then they arrange stuff with their friends and then nag and nag me until it is arranged/confirmed. If these children don't want to miss out on parties and playdates then they will surely also nag their parents. If they're as blase as they're parents and not that bothered then probably best for your child to find new friends - preferably the ones of the parents you get on with!! Wink

kateandme · 27/09/2017 11:11

this has actually just made me think of my own friends and parents actually. and thinking on it how my mum, I don't think would have been pally with my friend DPs and ive never really thought bout it like that until now because at the time its all bout you lot getting together and parent facilitating that hehe.
I think my mum got on well with two of them.but deff one of them her parents(rough would be the word,local mafia type fam) they would ceritanly not have chosen as mates.infact I think they would openly scorn them now!

Arseface · 27/09/2017 11:16

DD has become really good friends with a girl whose parents are caste Hindu.
I understand the restrictions but it's so hard. I think her mother would love to relax the rules but the wider family would be upset.

For DD's birthday this year we're doing something in London I know her friend would love. DD wants me to invite her so she doesn't feel left out, of course we will, but it feels like we're rubbing it in.

MargaretTwatyer · 27/09/2017 11:26

Are you communicating with them entirely through email? That would be a bloody pain in the arse TBF.

Original poster
Fidoandacupoftea · 27/09/2017 18:59

Yes and text reminders as well as mine so want their best friends to come. The kids are really nice and get along with mine really well. Looking forward to when they can sort their own social life out

OP posts:
stopfuckingshoutingatme · 27/09/2017 19:01

Well this is shit

That's horrible and reallly made me feel angry and upset in your behalf

I hope her mean karma comes to bite he the horrible , shallow cunt that she is Angry

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