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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Db and sil forgot my birthday

48 replies

Spottyparrot99 · 26/09/2017 21:31

Or maybe just couldn't be bothered.
For their birthdays I send cards and gifts. For my birthday (Monday) they didn't even text.
I know not all families do birthdays - especially for adults-but we do in our family ( I.e. The family me and my brother grew up in and the subsequent families we have both created) and aibu to be a bit hurt? I don't much care about a gift but a phone call or text would have been lovely! Feel a bit lonesome tbh

OP posts:

NK493efc93X1277dd3d6d4 · 26/09/2017 22:28

Can't quite accept that some adults make as big a deal of their own birthdays as their kids' birthdays!

Ellisandra · 26/09/2017 22:33

FFS so irritating when a thread goes both ways but the OP has to throw in an "oh well I'm being unreasonable then" strop

People forget things. It's really not the end of the world. In my family, no-one resort to the Internet - we'd text "you forgot my bloody birthday" and wait for the "oh shit sorry!" reply and then carry on as normal.

Three times a month is quite a lot you know. You sound a bit... High needs

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 26/09/2017 22:44

My parents and aunt uncle remembered ( baring brother and sil and their little one that's all there is on my side) and so did my dh's aunts and cousins and so on

I'm gobsmacked by this list. I don't even know the birthday of any of my husband's siblings or other relatives far less expect or send cards to them.

Ellisandra · 26/09/2017 22:45

Maybe all the only-related-by-marriage lot are on Facebook whilst brother is not?

Original poster

Spottyparrot99 · 26/09/2017 22:47

Ellisandra- hardly a massive strop! Just admitting that I was being unreasonable! You needn't read everything in such an aggressive way! What made you think it was a strop? I've been off dealing with a wake up by dd!
If you look at when I posted that you will see that of the 11 or so replies I received only one said I wasn't being unreasonable! So at that point I felt I should concede that I was probably, in fact, being unreasonable!
Ffs? Really?

OP posts:

Bosabosa · 26/09/2017 22:54

I would be hurt if this happened to me.
Only you know your family and how things tend to be.
I don't get upset when friends forget but a sibling? I would be annoyed! I would also say something to him, not let it simmer away in the background

mummymummums · 26/09/2017 22:58

YANBU - it's not nice if you take care to remember their birthdays. However, if they remember soon I think it's ok.
So far this year my SiL has missed (meaning no present, card or message) my birthday in March, DH's birthday in May (she's his sister) and our DS's 9th birthday (her only nephew). It's ok though - every time she comes over for DH to fix her car or bicycle (multiple times since said missed birthdays) she slaps her forehead and exclaims she can't believe she left our gifts at home again . I couldn't really care less about me and DH, but given that she's told DS he's getting money (and she is absolutely not in any financial trouble) I wish she'd either give it to him or shut up.
And we did get and give to DSIL her birthday gift in February and her DH's in July.

HeddaGarbled · 26/09/2017 22:58

I have two brothers. One is brilliant at birthday presents, one not. Some years you'll get something, some years not. My H and his sister seem to have stopped doing anything for each other's birthdays at all and neither of them are that fussed about it.

I think that you need to accept that your brother doesn't place the same importance on birthdays as you do. Next year, I'd send him a card but not bother about a present, same with your SIL.

You got plenty of recognition from the other important people in your life - no need to feel hurt and lonesome.

Original poster

Spottyparrot99 · 26/09/2017 23:01

Think I am a bit over sensitive. maybe I'll ask them if they want to bother with birthdays in the future.

OP posts:

Ellisandra · 26/09/2017 23:02

Sorry Spotty - I went back to re-read your post.
It did/does look to me like a stroppy reply, but it's words on a screen and it's hard to catch the tone.
A would have made it clearer for me.

And 'FFS' is just a minor in my vocabulary.

I still think seeing an adult sibling 3x a month is pretty frequent though!

Original poster

Spottyparrot99 · 26/09/2017 23:04

Thanks ellisandra- I will note the usefulness of smilies for future

OP posts:

Original poster

Spottyparrot99 · 26/09/2017 23:06

I see them three times a month as they live in the same village as my parents and I try to co ordinate out visits so all the kids can meet up! We have to go to their village as m and d not up to getting out the house ATM.

OP posts:

Ellisandra · 26/09/2017 23:06

I think that asking them if they don't want to bother with birthdays could seem quite passive aggressive.

I don't send family and friends birthday wishes expecting anything back - I just want to say it.

I say carry on saying it if you want to, or stop if him forgetting / not bothering makes you not want to. But no need for asking him about not bothering. Why dig yourself into a position that it's harder to come back from?

Has he whets forgotten? I presume not or you wouldn't be upset this time.

Ellisandra · 26/09/2017 23:07

*always forgotten

WorraLiberty · 26/09/2017 23:08

Think I am a bit over sensitive. maybe I'll ask them if they want to bother with birthdays in the future.

Or just give your brother a playful kick and say, "Oi you forgot my birthday Numb Nuts"?

Asking them if they want to bother, rather than pointing out they appear to have forgotten, is really quite passive aggressive.

WorraLiberty · 26/09/2017 23:09

X posted with Ellisandra

RavingRoo · 26/09/2017 23:09

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. Some people are happier taking then giving - suggest you don’t do anything for their birthdays.

Ellisandra · 26/09/2017 23:09

The smilies help, but it was me that misread it.
I think the "OK" reminded me of my sister who is always "OK - fine, I'm wrong then" when she clearly thinks she isn't!
She remembers my birthday though (it's the same as the baby Jesus which helps!)

Alisvolatpropiis · 26/09/2017 23:37

I guarantee that you'll have cards and what not in the next day or two, delivered in a slightly sheepish manner.

Don't get all uptight over it and make a passive aggressive comment!

MumBod · 27/09/2017 03:58

Three times a month is a lot.

I can't contemplate that, tbh.

Then again, I actively avoid my brother, so...

strawberrisc · 27/09/2017 04:40

Adult birthdays are a PITA. August and September totally wipe me out.

My own is VERY close to Christmas and I've never been arsed about it. I had a significant birthday last year and friends cajoled me into doing something so I booked a meal in January. They actually surprised me on the day itself with a party which was gorgeous of them but I would have been just as happy with a FB post!

TammySwansonTwo · 27/09/2017 06:13

My brother has never once remembered my birthday, fine we are adults, I'm not bothered. Invited him to my twins birthday, no response, no card, not even a text or an acknowledgement - that pissed me off, given I've.done so much for him over the last few years even while pregnant / looking after twins. I'm completely done with him until he grows up.

If yours usually remembers it was probably a slip. I'd let it slide once x

Dancinggoat · 27/09/2017 06:40

Interesting that nice things happen and lovely times were had but we highlight the negative.
People forget stuff. It doesn't mean anything mean it just means they forgot.

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