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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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aibu to love this blog post about why formula feeding is brilliant?!

822 replies

girlwithasecretsmile · 26/09/2017 20:42

I think it's great to have a post talking about good things about formula for once but part of me feels bad for laughing so much.

passmethebottleblog.wordpress.com/

OP posts:
Parney · 27/09/2017 07:33

ironing why not compare a ff and bf baby without adding in other factors. When this is done the bf baby is of lower risk of SIDS.

lelapaletute · 27/09/2017 07:35

One of the absolute biggest challenges is women's support networks. In cultures where bf is the norm, it is understood that it is very hard and demanding, mothers are given support to do it and helped by the older women around them, who often have a nursing baby/child of their own. In our society, the nuclear family, frequent lack/distance of extended family, and the fact that today's mums are the children of a generation that largely formula fed does not allow for this - and in a lot of cases, as women leave childbearing later, even if your mum or whoever did bf, oftentimes it was so long ago she doesn't really remember enough to be helpful (not to mention the cultural expectation that women "get back to normal" as soon as possible after childbirth).

Most women want to bf; most women don't. Very few women who did wish they hadn't. There is a gap between these facts that needs to be filled with information, support and the normalisation of breastfeeding along with an understanding of what it requires.

eeanne · 27/09/2017 07:36

IroningMountain responding how? There is no response as a society other than "here's a can of formula." There's formula in Canada, US, Australia, Germany etc. and yet they breastfeed their babies for longer. Maybe other countries work more with women to show them that BF is possible, so that they don't quit so early.

To suggest that women in countries with higher BF rates are also more miserable is absurd and unless you have evidence of that, I'd back off that silly point.

peanut2017 · 27/09/2017 07:40

Thanks Lela - that means a lot

We are all trying our best and shouldn't pit ourselves against each other. In the hospital where I gave birth there are only 2 dedicated breastfeeding consultants and over 10,000 babies are born at that hospital every year so they can't give enough support to mothers. I definitely needed more support and perhaps we would have got there in the end but I'm glad I stopped when I did.

If I have another baby I will definitely try to breastfeed again as it is best for baby and maybe this time I may get there as I know more about having a baby.

LoudestRoar · 27/09/2017 07:40

I hate all this debate about how you feed your child.
Show me 2 three year olds side by side, and no one will be able to tell how they were fed.

It's a shame that this rears it's head all the time, especially for some first time mums who possibly aren't confident in their decisions about their baby. We should just support each otherin being the best parents that we can be for our children.

IroningMountain · 27/09/2017 07:40

The vast maj of babies are breast fed at birth. It is any breast feeding.

Expat38matt · 27/09/2017 07:40

For gods sake you all need to get off your high horses and realize your personal beliefs matter not a jot
However we fed our babies is our own business
Get a life

QueenUnicorn · 27/09/2017 07:44

To choose how to feed your baby based on what bra you can wear? Do people actually factor this in to their choice? :S

DixieNormas · 27/09/2017 07:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

coldcuptea · 27/09/2017 08:28

'UK better at responding to miserable mothers Grin'

with my first, I ended up with chewed up nipples and multiples abscesses that were surgically removed and have left me permanent scars on my breasts. I left surgery with tubes sticking out of my boob to drain the remaining pus it was that bad. I had to make regular trips to the nurse to clean it up alongside caring for a newborn. When the tubes were taken out the wound overgrew tissue as well. This was a few weeks after a traumatic c section . I was a 21 year old, vulnerable and a student . All of this because of an undiagnosed tongue tie and conflicting information regarding how to heal my nipples ( which fell off eventually ) . Mothers find breastfeeding painful and grim because of incorrect information and lack of support . It honestly isn't meant to be hell . With my second I was prepared to formula feed. I had nightmares about breastfeeding during my entire pregnancy but I was also secretly intrigued about how to get it right . I spent nine months learning about breastfeeding properly and contacted a breastfeeding consultant online in Canada who gave me a ton of information. I went to the hospital armed with every breastfeeding and nipple healing gadget known to man. She fed like a dream and self weaned at 2 .
When my third child was born ten years later I was similarly knowledgable and equipped but after a horrendous birth experience he latched on and it didn't feel right . Despite all my knowledge on healing techniques and latching my nipples starting to crack and bleed . I knew instantly it was a tongue tie like my first but I knew now what to do . I paid for a lactation consultant ( thanks UK for your tongue tie diagnosis and snipping which account for most bf problems Hmm) to diagnose and snip it when he was 5 days old asthe midwives were faffing about saying his tongue was fine and a snip would be a 6-8 weeks wait. No way could I wait a moment longer - tongue tied babies can't latch on and feed forever . After his snip I fed painlessly and his feeds were quick and efficient and my nipples healed in 24 hrs . I had learnt with my second to to feed lying down so I could rest and to feed him in the sling discreetly so I could do a two hour shopping spree without having to stop and feed . Feeding in a sling bought me hands free nurturing for my newborn . We have this view of women being glued to sofas for hours on end but his time is so short and the result is so rewarding . The intuitive relationship between mother and child through breastfeeding is priceless and worth a few weeks of on demand feeding. Is breastfeeding is painful and hellish there is usually a reason for it and support will resolve almost an breastfeeding issue to make it convenient and easy for the mother .I get lots of nasty and unsolicited comments about my big one year old still feeding even from both my gps who said it was about time I stopped ( once he had thrush and the dr rolled his eyes and said why are you feeding a child with a mouth full of teeth anyway and the other was when I was discussing my periods which are less frequent due to bf and she said goodness me what are you sot doing that for ). I even have friends I like who will say things like 'is he still at it ' etc and I just avoid the subject . Women who bf get blamed for trying to divert attention towards themselves and I've seen a post on this forum where it was stated that women who bf are so 'smug' and 'oh look at me am bfeeding' but the truth is most of us would like to get on with it without fuss and attention.

IroningMountain · 27/09/2017 08:33

Similar experience here. Maybe we don't allow ourselves to be bullied into bfing as easily though.

mysharonawoana · 27/09/2017 08:37

I suffered baby loss before my son was born. It took several years, and it changed me as a person. When he was born I suffered significant birth trauma ending in surgery which made staying in the same position for hours was painful. I bf-ed him for 3 months, but gradually I began mixed feeding. I just did whatever I could to make sure we were both happy. After everything I went through I didn't want to continue doing something that wasn't working and was creating more of a wedge between us than anything. However women choose to feed, it's their body and it's their decision - mum knows best what will work for their baby. I don't understand why motherhood has to be such a contest, why any mum has to be better than another. Every baby born is a tiny miracle - every mum is a hero in my eyes. We should definitely do more to support each other.

SoupDragon · 27/09/2017 08:42

I hate smugness and self righteousness whether it be from a breastfeeder or a formula feeder.

Hell yes!

I think that article is crap and full of nonsense really. It's presented pretty much as fact whereas it's just one version. The vitamin thing is rubbish - I was certainly never told to take extra vitamins because breastmilk lacks them.

Feed your baby in the way that works out best for your family.

lollipop7 · 27/09/2017 08:48

Personally I don't care how anyone feeds their babies.

I was lucky that I chose to breastfeed my first two and could and hopefully can again this time. Sorry if this annoys anyone; it always seems to do so, though why I don't know as what does it matter to them?
By and large I absolutely loved the whole experience.

The "article" however....well sorry love but we've all read this sort of shit before. You're not that relevant to anyone else either so I'd shut the fuck up if I were you. Nobody cares. Instead of churning out passive aggressive tosh which has been done to death already, stop being a rank hypocrite and attacking others choices in such a condemning fashion.

She's so irritating I'm surprised she doesn't get on her own plunge bra clad tits.

MadamMinacious · 27/09/2017 08:48

No one thinks formula is poison.

FTR that's exactly what the breast feeding consultant told me when my milk wasn't coming in 12 years ago. Funnily enough it didn't help my milk come in any better. Some people do say things like that.

I'm over it all now, it was a long time ago but at the time it was devastating and affected me very badly.

lollipop7 · 27/09/2017 08:52

I wish the government would introduce a law making this debate illegal.

Is there really anything left to say that hasn't been said already?

Headofthehive55 · 27/09/2017 08:58

Ironically thinking about the bra thing, you are more likely to get breast cancer if you don't breast feed, and I assure you a mastectomy isn't that attractive.
Beast fed three easily, until four years old, one, ff, can't think of any redeeming feature.

MadamMinacious · 27/09/2017 08:59

Is there really anything left to say that hasn't been said already?

No. I've seen this thread a thousand times on forums since I had my first 12 years ago. It's always emotional especially for those at this stage with their children and I think it just ends up upsetting some people.

I think mothers should just be supported when they have young babies whatever they do, we love our children so chances are they are doing their best.

lollipop7 · 27/09/2017 09:01

I'm sorely tempted to send her a picture of my bra collection via the blog.
Do you think she knows she's bring dissected in such a manner.

Oh and @Headofthehive55 - quite.

existentialmoment · 27/09/2017 09:03

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

lollipop7 · 27/09/2017 09:06

@MadamMinacious exactly. It's so sad isn't it.

Very dispiriting that someone deliberately writes something so ill informed and provocative and honestly quite hurtful just because she needs to validate her own experiences. We should just respect each other's choices.

I'm annoyed at myself for getting dragged into another breast v bottle shit storm to be honest

onceisok · 27/09/2017 09:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lollipop7 · 27/09/2017 09:12

The blogger has suit penned an update vis a via being mentioned on Mumsnet.

MadamMinacious · 27/09/2017 09:13

I agree lollipop I don't like disparaging either form of feeding or judging women on how they feed their babies. This debate is so emotional for some and it tends to be those most affected are those currently feeding young babies and frankly they can do without being told they are doing it 'wrong' whatever method they are using to feed.

lollipop7 · 27/09/2017 09:13

*just not suit