Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

People on diets talking about it relentlessly

22 replies

LovelyPrep · 26/09/2017 19:01

I know I'm probably being unreasonable but it's driving me insane.
My mum has been on Slimming World for about 7 months now and she doesn't stop talking about food and weight loss/gain. She is constantly on and off the bandwagon and I find it utterly draining. I obviously care that she is trying to be healthier and it's great when she loses weight but I don't need quite so much information about it all. I don't care how many "syns" are in things or if she's "been good" today or not. It seems to take up all of her head space and dominate her conversations.

Do I just listen and smile or try to subtly shut it down?!

OP posts:
frieda909 · 26/09/2017 19:05

YANBU. I have done Weight Watchers in the past but I soon learned that I HATE talking to other people about it. It just means that the whole thing begins to consume your life and people start to feel like your weight is their business.

I'd say something like that to her. Just say 'that's great mum, what else have you been up to?' and if she keeps talking about it try gently saying something like 'I'm so pleased for you, but I don't want your weight to be the only thing you're thinking about. Shall we talk about something else now?'

Raasay · 26/09/2017 19:06

It’s hard. Losing large amounts of weight takes serious focus and it can come to dominate your life.

Cut her a break. Losing weight is tough.

Papafran · 26/09/2017 19:07

I would probably try to be supportive. Dieting and weight loss are incredibly difficult and the person needs all the help and support they can.

OhWhatToChoose · 26/09/2017 19:12

Yeah I don’t mind talking to hubby about it but if you make it too widely known as soon as you have one treat that is within points everyone judges you.

I have a friend who constantly talks about how she’s lost weight and how all her jewellery is too big and she fits into smaller clothes. She doesn’t even look that different and thank goodness her ugly jewellery no longer fits now I don’t have to look at it! It’s so annoying that she constantly goes on about it, always just fishing for compliments.
Now whenever she says anything I simply respond by saying something like ‘oh really’ ‘goodness’ ‘that’s interesting ‘

We went out for Chinese once in a big group of friends and as she’s shovelling prawn toast down her neck, said ‘oh obviously I’m not pointing tonight ‘ - no shit Sherlock!!

NerrSnerr · 26/09/2017 19:13

It is really annoying when people only talk about dieting but I have dieted in the past and it really is all consuming.

BalloonSlayer · 26/09/2017 19:17

I used to work with two very nice ladies,whose first act of the working day, every day, was to talk at extreme length about what they had had for dinner, whether they had been "good" or not, or how they had been "good" with their dinner but then blown it all by stuffing chocolate later etc etc etc.

There was an older one and a younger one. When one had the day off, the other would turn to the departmental secretary, who was also trying to watch her weight.

One day the older one AND the secretary had the day off! Shock I was first alerted to this turn of events by becoming aware that the younger one was leaning on my partition and reciting, in a low murmur, in the manner of a catechism, "Well I was good last night. I had chicken and salad and then later all I had was . . ."

Gaaaaaaah!!

The thing was that she was only 9 stone anyway and her ambition was to get down to 8½ stone so she could eat what she liked (and then go back up to 9 stone and start the diet again, presumably).

arousingcheer · 26/09/2017 19:21

The thing is the performance of it all. My mum does a big song and dance around 'healthy' food with all the nonsense that comes with it, eg a cake with fruit in it is 'healthier' than any other kind of cake, if you have artificial sweetener in one drink you can have sugar in the other etc.

I feel bad for her because I think there's so much pressure to appear as though you're vibrating with concern for 'health' (usually a code word for being slim). I think it's a sign that a lot of us have internalised the kind of values that make us hate ourselves and want to be seen to be depriving ourselves all the time. I detest this kind of diet talk, it's like constantly apologising for yourself, but a lot of women use it as a kind of bonding language.

I'm sure it's draining for you and it's draining for her. Can you reflect back to her that she sounds anxious, or preoccupied (or whatever you're hearing)?

ASDismynormality · 26/09/2017 19:21

YANBU. I've been losing weight since January and it's all consuming in my head but I really don't like discussing it. If anyone asks then I tell them what I'm doing (briefly]but I find doing it pretty tiresome so don't expect anyone to be interested in me talking about it!

ILoveMillhousesDad · 26/09/2017 19:22

I am dieting at the moment. Well more like cutting out shite, but I work with a woman who is obsessed and it is sooooo fucking boring.

The first thing she mentioned when she came back from a holiday on the other side of the world, was how much weight she had put on, but how much she had lost since she came back.

I do like sharing healthy recipes, but not all the time, every day. Bore off.

arousingcheer · 26/09/2017 19:22

BalloonSlayer that's exactly the kind of thing I'm talking about.

arousingcheer · 26/09/2017 19:31

Indulging this kind of endless worry-bead chatter about food and 'being good' or whatever is different than supporting someone in their weight loss. If someone is cultivating a codependent situation you're not helping them by pretending to be interested. I think it's great that someone wants to change something they're not happy with ('Mum, I think it's great you're doing something good for yourself') but that's different than passively being talked at all damn day about calories and skinless chicken breast.

If you're perpetually on the kind of 'diet' that means you can't think of anything else it is not doing you any good. The only reason for that kind of extreme restriction is if you're in dire medical straits; otherwise it is disordered eating.

randomer · 26/09/2017 19:37

obviously I'm not pointing tonight I truly wish diets worked long term.

PolkadottyRose · 26/09/2017 19:42

I understand that you find it annoying, but in your mums defense when you are trying not to eat, and to lose weight, it literally is almost all you think about it. It's not easy.

Original poster
LovelyPrep · 26/09/2017 20:02

That's what annoys me I think, the "being good" and "getting back on it". From the outside you're just watching something that is all consuming and isn't working at all.
There's so many more interesting things about my mum besides what she's eating or what she weighs.

OP posts:
existentialmoment · 26/09/2017 20:04

Diet bores are the worst. And they usually talk such utter horseshit, following as they are some inane made up diet that if they manage to lose any weight at all won't work long term anyway.

Cagliostro · 26/09/2017 20:05

YANBU

specialsubject · 26/09/2017 20:06

The infantile concepts of good, naughty and sin relating to food deserve nothing but contempt.

randomer · 26/09/2017 20:15

Agreed special.... But it's so tempting to think it might work

e1y1 · 26/09/2017 20:34

The infantile concepts of good, naughty and sin relating to food deserve nothing but contempt

This.

Schtinkay · 26/09/2017 21:21

100% agree about infantilising. It's pathetic and it's dreadfully unhealthy.

I was a diet bore and the obsession 'twas fed by my underlying eating disorder. Eventually a kind friend told me straight that I was boring everyone shitless and gently fed me back to health.

Cakedoesntjudge · 26/09/2017 21:24

I have done slimming world, then had a PT for a while who explained to me why (in his opinion) it wasn't a great plan and I agreed with it and he set me up on a plan, I have tried no carbs, no sugar and all sorts (I clearly have short bursts of willpower and that's it). There has been times early on when it took over and I talked about it too much - I'll hold my hands up to that!

However, recently, I've started just healthy eating. Not following a diet as such, just trying to make healthier choices. The only person I've discussed it with is my boyfriend. I've come to meet loads of people over the years doing what your mum is and I just find it annoying. Like you, I just find it a boring topic of conversation. Especially when people on slimming world try and persuade you that cauliflower pizza or quark are delicious alternatives that are as good as the real thing 🤢. But people at work won't stop going on about it to me. It's all "ooh see you're being good" "look at you with a salad" etc etc and then I feel under pressure to not touch chocolate or any sort of treat whatsoever when my plan had been to still have those things but in moderation! So annoying! I don't understand the need for people to comment on what others are eating whatsoever unless it is literally "oh that looks nice".

emmyrose2000 · 27/09/2017 02:46

YANBU

People talking about their diets are so utterly BORING!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page