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Original poster

To refuse to discuss Donald Trump with random strangers?

31 replies

JustGettingStarted · 26/09/2017 16:44

I've lived here for almost fifteen years now but my accent is still completely American. I live in a part of England where there aren't many Americans around. Everywhere I go, the supermarket or the gym or anywhere, people ask me where I'm from. I know they're just being friendly, but it is so boring to have the same conversation over and over again. I have to tell them where Indiana is, why I am here, if I like it better in England and then they tell me about their trip to Florida or New York and tell me about their cousin who lives in Houston.

It's always annoyed me partly because it's boring and partly because I get sick of being reminded that I'm foreign. I'm a UK citizen just trying to live my life, trying to pack my shopping or whatever. I remark on the weather or whatever (I'm not antisocial) and the response is often about my accent and background.

I know they're just being friendly and don't mean any harm, so I try to not let it irritate me too much.

But since Trump has been elected, it's been worse. I go to a gym with a sauna, a very sociable place where people chat about things and anytime I open my mouth I get to talk about Indiana and then I'll be asked what I think about Donald Trump. (It's invariably an older man who asks this.)

I just want to relax and be generally friendly. Not talk about politics!

The last two times I've been in the sauna the Donald Trump thing has come up and both times my answer has been "I don't want to talk about it." Both times they wouldn't let it drop. The first time I just repeated that I won't talk about it while he nattered on about how he thought Trump was great. Today, I simply stared at the wall and didn't say anything while the guy went on about dictators starting a nuclear war until he trailed off and left the sauna. I guess he was embarrassed.

After he left the sauna felt awkward. The conversation between the other people was over. I felt sort of bad about it.

Am I being unreasonable and rude? How can I avoid this situation?

OP posts:
KingJoffreysRestingCuntface · 26/09/2017 16:48

Look at them with crazed eyes and screech, "I am Trump. Baaaah!"

teaandtoast · 26/09/2017 16:50

Who?

Rosa · 26/09/2017 16:50

it is normal - I am a brit abroad that works with people of all nationalities. They ask the same questions all the time I often think it is just a conversation starter to be honest as the same things come out . I get jokes or questions about Brexit and if I know their cousin in Manchester as I have an ENglish accent. Its part and parcel of living abroad I think !!

teaandtoast · 26/09/2017 16:52

Instead of that, I might say, 'Sorry, I don't talk about politics' or 'I'm here to relax/workout' etc.

Acidophilus · 26/09/2017 16:52

The Trump thing must be annoying. The other stuff is just what you get when you live abroad. I used to live in the US and got exactly the same questions and chat when Americans heard my accent. I wanted a badge saying "No, I do not know the Queen."

With regard to Trump I would be straight but friendly and laugh and say "I am afraid I have had to make a rule where I never engage in conversation about [the embarrassment that is] Trump, because he is all i ever get asked about as an american."

Say it with a laugh and a smile. If you don't support Trump then maybe signal that with the words in square brackets because if people think you are avoiding the conversation because you support him then they may hound you more.

Original poster
JustGettingStarted · 26/09/2017 16:53

I'm trying to not do it, myself. I may say "I've lived here 15 years, how about you?" and then we both have fun talking shite about Britain. Grin

OP posts:
KurriKurri · 26/09/2017 16:54

I don't know how to avoid it, I guess people are trying to be friendly.
When I staye din the States as soon as people clocked my English accent I was asked about Downton Abbey (which I don;t watch) The Royal Family (in whom I have no interest) and whether I liked America (to which I always replied yes)

The Downton Abbey obsession was quite phenomenal.

As far as Trump is concerned - I guess people are worried and because your accent is still obviously American they probably don't realise you have been here a long time and are a UK citizen. Small talk is what it is - trying to find a connection with stranger so you don't have to sit in awkward silence. People here tell me about thier cousin who lives 'near' me (ie in the same county) in chance conversations, it is dull, but it's just social lubrication.

I agree the guy in the sauna sounds like a pain though Grin

Cavender · 26/09/2017 16:55

To be fair Just everywhere I go in the USA I get asked about my accent, where I’m from, told about their cousin who lives in London, asked about European terrorism and occasionally about Brexit.

It’s just part and parcel of living in a foreign country.

If you don’t want to talk about Trump (who does?) )and are in a position where you can’t walk away why not blatantly change the subject?

Slimthistime · 26/09/2017 16:55

Yes that must be extremely annoying and very rude of them

I think this problem has become much worse over the last 10 or 15 years - obsession with "where are you from".

I find it weird. The guy in the sauna sounds incredibly rude.

squishysquirmy · 26/09/2017 16:57

Some of the annoyances you mentioned at the beginning of your post are just people making conversation, I think. It is annoying to always be asked the same questions over and over by different strangers, but unless they are being offensive I think it is just one of those things that lots of people who have something others find interesting suffer (accents, twins, unusually beautiful hair/eyes...)

I don't think you were being rude in the sauna at all - the two men were!
You were asked about something, you said you didn't want to talk about it. This could have caused a small amount of awkwardness for a a fleeting moment, but could easily have been brushed over if the man you were talking to had allowed the conversation to move on. But they didn't, they kept banging on about it - that is what caused the awkward atmosphere! I bet the other people in the sauna were on your side, I would be.

dyathinkso · 26/09/2017 16:57

Just reply saying "Donald Trump? No idea who you're talking about."

Wheresmytaco · 26/09/2017 16:58

Weirdly I don't get this but I did with Bush Jr.

I used to smile and say we have a secret ballot for a reason. If they were friendly enough to actually know Me they'd know my politics and not basically accuse me of electing someone who (at the time) I felt to be the most unqualified president ever. The other stuff I just nod politely and go along with. It's harmless.

Wheresmytaco · 26/09/2017 16:58

Or say you're Canadian and look really offended by their assumption.

I'm from Canada eh!

Slimthistime · 26/09/2017 16:58

sorry, you asked for advice on dealing with it.

I think the "I've lived here for 15 years" is a good one but sadly, anyone who doesn't pick up that you don't want to be asked may prod further in which case I'd just answer and change the subject after, or say "a million years ago" or "in the dark ages".

Re people bringing up politics, I think I'd say "I don't talk about politics". I've had to say it a few times in a previous job because the place was heavily divided along political lines and I didn't want to get involved.

Original poster
JustGettingStarted · 26/09/2017 17:00

The usual conversation isn't rude but bringing up Trump, I think, is.

The reason they clock my accent is that I've joined the conversation already going on, so there's no need to break the ice!

I think I'll just say that I really do not want to talk about politics and smile. But I don't think either of these guys would have been deterred.

OP posts:
Wheresmytaco · 26/09/2017 17:06

Have you considered just fucking with thhem?

He's fabulous isn't he?
I heard the wall was going to be 40 feet high!
Kim Jong whoever doesn't stand a chance!
God bless America.

Slimthistime · 26/09/2017 17:08

OP "But I don't think either of these guys would have been deterred."

quite possibly not. There is a type. I suppose it depends how far you want to go. I'm the sort of person who would say "did you misunderstand? I said, I'm not discussing it". I know there are idiots who would follow up with "why?" but at that point I think I'd just stare them out.

Original poster
JustGettingStarted · 26/09/2017 17:09

It's crossed my mind, but I can't do it. I wouldn't enjoy it.

I have have very strong feelings about it and I don't want to go there.

OP posts:
squishysquirmy · 26/09/2017 17:15

Just remembered that ages ago, at some Uni freshers thing, it emerged in conversation that one of the other girls had gone to boarding school. Everyone started to say "ooh, boarding school, really??!!?... The girl instantly shut down the questioning with something along the lines of: "Yes, we were all super posh, we were all lesbians and we all slept in one big bed" in a very bored, dead pan voice. It was obvious that she was very sick of being asked the same stupid questions over and over so she made a joke of it. I thought that was a good way of handling it.

CobwebKitten · 26/09/2017 17:16

When they ask where you're from, say some random place. "Wolverhampton. Glasgow. Cork. Shanghai." If they say you sound American, look confused and keep it up. "What? American? Nope, Glasgow born and bred."

That would drive me mad, to be honest, I thought a reasonably good thing about the English was that we don't talk to strangers, don't demand to know where they're from and certainly don't prod about politics with them.

Slimthistime · 26/09/2017 17:20

Cobweb "I thought a reasonably good thing about the English was that we don't talk to strangers, don't demand to know where they're from and certainly don't prod about politics with them"

sadly those days are gone.

YouMakeMeFeelLikeDancing · 26/09/2017 17:37

I thought a reasonably good thing about the English was that we don't talk to strangers You aren't from up North, are you? We talk to everyone...

DearMrDilkington · 26/09/2017 17:45

I wouldn't ask you about Trump, but I probably would ask you some questions about Indiana, purely because I think America is a beautiful country and I'm genuinely interested in the climate.

Allthebestnamesareused · 26/09/2017 17:48

Maybe the Op does think he is fabulous though - WheresmyTaco! Maybe that's why she doesn't want to talk about it and for people to realise that she's a fan Grin

My parents have lived in the States for 35 years now and embarrassingly they did vote for Trump and I have had to unfollow my Mum's FB feed to avoid me telling her what a knob she is being! I do call out blatantly racist and bigoted posts!

DearMrDilkington · 26/09/2017 17:48

I'd never ask someone where they're from though, that's rude. I'd only ask questions about Indiana if you brought it up first.