To be upset with my friend for not contacting me since I told her dd was in hospital

[princessmelTingChoccyEggs]

2 weeks ago dd was in hospital. She was really quite poorly and had to have a lumber puncture etc.
I texted all my friends to let them know what was happening with her. They all replied straight away. Except one, I'll call her xyz. I kept them all up to date with what was happening to dd etc. But heard nothing from 'xyz'

Anyway we're supposed to be going to see her new flat today. Nothing's been mentioned about it since it was arranged a few weeks ago. I've not spoken to her at all. I don't want to call her because I'm cross and upset that she hasn't contacted me about dd. Oh she has emailed me a 20% off gap voucher and sent me a text about the new Oxford Street Primark though .
She only knew that dd was ok and out of hospital as another friend rang her to see if she was ok.( Nobody's heard from her, not just me. )

When the friend asked if she was ok and had she heard about dd she just said something like, 'Oh yes I've not contacted princessmel yet, I've been busy' Not too busy to send me gap email vouchers though.

I've been friends with her for over 20 years and I'm supposed to be her bridesmaid next year. I don't want this to turn into some major row but I want her to know I'm upset.

If she doesn't contact me about going to see her today then I'll leave it till she does contact me. But if she does, what do I say?
Dh has said we're not going.

tbh though, as much as you were worried about your dd, you cant expect all your friends to be,. sounds harsh i know. BUt after 5years of ongoing illnesses we have learnt there are some friends who dont always reply to texts etc. and its just not worth stressing over it. it is hard for some people when friends relatives are ill knowing when to call. i have had people call at close to midnight (childless) for a catch up chat, and its lot better being able to say everything undisturbed without a child going 'mum mum mum' in the background, and you having to cut the conversation short to deal with the children. texts are great, but i am always gtoing 'oh i eas meant to text xyz last week about x, and now its too late'.

which is why i dont get why you are so stressed about it?

is that ok?

Yes thats ok misdee but this was a very unusual situation for me(thank god). Dd is not normally in hospital. I was just suprised and upset that xyz couldn't find 2 minutes to text me back. Thats all.
I wasn't stressed she hadn't txt, just upset. To me it was like she was saying 'oh thats not important enough for me to bother replying', but 20% off Gap vouchers were.
I was stressed about what to say to her. I wanted to tell her I was upset but didn't want it to get out of hand. Anyway she called last night and it was fine.

I can kind of see your friends point she has a lot going on and I know myself I avoid phoning at all arther than only have time for a 2 minute call because sometimes that is all you have time for and it just doesn't do it justice.
You said she had not been in touch with anyone so it wasn't personal she just had other things happening we all have times like that.

You also said that you didn't see why you had to be the one that phoned her but she did phone you on the day you had plans as arranged and you ignored it.

We all have different lives and different expecations of our friendships and while maybe a bit thoughtless she has been a friend for 20 years and seems to have been trying to do the right thing by not jamming it into a text or 2 minute call but waiting until a time when she had more than 2 minutes to dedicate to you.

Thanks for posting Adath. Its been sorted out now so everythings ok between us.
I didn't ignore the phone. I was watching it ring. I just didn't know what to say. I panic at times like this for some reason. I texted her straight back though. I found it easier to say what I felt in writing.

As she's been my friend for so long I really wanted it be sorted between us.

I know she has lots going on in her life and she has different things that are important to her , but, I really did think that if she (or any of my friends) recieved a msg saying dd was ill in hosp with suspected meningitis that she'd reply sooner rather than later.

Anyway, dd's better and its over now. I'm going to see her flat next weekend too.

I'd have been fed up too.

A year or so ago a friend, who repeatedly asked me to look after her children as her husband was unwilling to look after more than two of them at a time (they have 3), took umbridge because I was not able to look after her daughter. My reason was I had enough on my plate at the time with my own children and was very worried about my Father's health as he had had bad news from his Consultant. To this day she hasn't asked after his health, though she knows his illness is major and potentially life shortening. We still keep in vague contact but I will never hold her in the same regard.

Maybe I'm petty, but these things matter with close friends.

Glad things are OK now.

Thanks crayon
I hope your dads ok. xx

i'm glad its all sorted now

i wanted to add that this reminded me of something similar when i was the 'crap' mate - my friend was cross with me because i did not send a card to her ds2 (when one) - she got really sad and grumpy and texted me about it. I had honestly forgotten and really liked them but then was so cross at being told off that i started to feel really uncomfortable going to see them.

all i'm trying to say is that your friend may be a bit rubbish and probably did not want to hurt you - i would just be pleased that so many of your mates were so thoughtful and just take her for who she is - maybe a bit selfish and busy but maybe she'll be better when she has her own kids

Thats exactly right newgirl. It really showed me how great my friends were. They all offered to help out with ds and it was such a relief knowing that he was sorted and happy.

Tell her youre upset that she didnt seem concerned.
Then its all out in the open and you can stop worrying about it.

I did Powder, on saturday.

I'm glad I got it out in the open.

Its all sorted now.