Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to wear black to a wedding?

78 replies

princess101085 · 26/09/2017 11:01

I been invited to a weeding (only evening) and the bride has imposed some rules about what the females wear, no dresses above bottom of the knee length, no bright colours, as it may detract attention away from her so I brought a long maxi style dress, long sleeves, down to the floor etc, but it's black, I didn't see an issue as I'm only going to the evening part but a few people iv mentioned it to said I absolutely cannot wear black to a wedding? So what do you think? Is black ok for an evening do?

OP posts:
SusanTheGentle · 26/09/2017 11:22

I do think black is a bit off at weddings - but only when it's all black and not a party dress. Anything with a bit of white/cream or colour to set it off (a red belt or something?) would be ok.

Also the hat on that picture makes it look like a halloween costume so perhaps a less witchy styling choice!

FWIW I'm pretty judgemental about these sorts of things and I wore a black dress with flowers on it to a wedding in autumn last year. Summery pales and pastels aren't appropriate for autumn, and if she doesn't want brights (and I suspect she's including jewel tones in that) she's going to have a lot of guests in navy, brown and black.

(Ooh, that dress in a nice rich dark blue?)

Also, I think it's super rude of her to have dictated her guests' clothes to that degree. It's one thing saying 'black tie' or whatever but specifying colours for a non-themed wedding is rude.

VladmirsPoutine · 26/09/2017 11:23

I'd like to add a small tale, a friend got married last year and her soon-to-be MIL turned up in black with a hat and some sort of veil; imagine funeral style, proceeded to cry throughout the whole wedding and made a real show of herself. Purely because her son and her only child was now no longer going to be around as much. It was really a spectacle but do feel bad for my friend as she can't ever talk about her wedding without this coming up.
Sorry about the slight derail there op Grin

MaxPepsi · 26/09/2017 11:30

It's an evening do, you could turnip in jeans and be fine.

FWIW I was looking through some photos of my wedding recently (good old timehop) and several of my day guests were wearing black. All looked bloody lovely. And....several of the older ladies were wearing cream/very pale bridal colours. Including my own mum. I never even noticed!

So, basically wear what you like!

TiramisuQueenoftheFaeries · 26/09/2017 11:44

You also aren't allowed to wear rose pink because it clashes with turquoise?!

This bride needs to sit down, she is drunk. I'd be so annoyed at the ridiculous dress code that I'd be finding a fluorescent yellow clubbing dress at this stage. Why doesn't she just issue a uniform or a list of suitable "approved dresses"?

At the very least, if you "can't" wear bright colours OR pastel ones, she hasn't a leg to stand on objecting to black.

Also, could you just not go? It doesn't sound like much fun.

Original poster
princess101085 · 26/09/2017 11:48

I would love to not go, but it's my boss's daughters wedding and a co-worker who doesn't drive assumed I'd be happy to go and asked if I could take him, he doesn't go out much and he seems to really be looking forward to it, and I adore my co-worker so this is all very much for his benefit, I did state that I wouldn't be staying all night though which he seems ok with.

OP posts:
astoundedgoat · 26/09/2017 11:48

Technically, it's poor etiquette, but then it's equally poor etiquette for her to dictate what you wear! And if she has dictated dark colours, then you are 100% in the clear. Go for it. Gorgeous dress, btw.

SusanTheGentle · 26/09/2017 11:55

Jesus she sounds dreadful. Yes, have no qualms about black under those circumstances, she's left you with basically no choice!

(Also dusky pink does not clash with turquoise. They set each other off very nicely.)

Sashkin · 26/09/2017 11:55

If she's said no bright colours, no white or cream, and no pastels, you're only left with black, grey or brown.

That dress looks fine. She may still bitch about it, but SIBU (especially if you're one of her dad's employees - I'd care a lot more about close family in black because it's supposed to be a sign of disapproval. But random colleagues of my parents presumably neither approve nor disapprove of my choice in partners and can wear what they like).

tippz · 26/09/2017 11:56

OMG no I wouldn't wear THAT outfit to a wedding! Shock

I thought you had posted it as a wind-up, then I realised you were serious!

tippz · 26/09/2017 11:57

The girl in that outfit (on page 1,) looks like she is going to a Halloween party, not a wedding.

blackteasplease · 26/09/2017 11:58

I love it!

But really can't get over her "rules" for guests. It is definitely a good occasion to wear something a bit subversive but not outright "banned".

LilaoftheGreenwood · 26/09/2017 11:58

Oh my, this is going to be a peach of a wedding OP. You must live blog it for Mumsnet posterity. Lol at "attention-grabbing" hair. In what universe does pink "clash" with turquoise?

Mittens1969 · 26/09/2017 12:01

You'll look stunning, OP. I can't believe the rules being imposed by the bridezilla though.

Original poster
princess101085 · 26/09/2017 12:15

I appreciate the style of the dress is not everyone cup of tea, however I can assure you with nude shoes and rose gold accessories It actually looks very pleasant and not so Halloween as the picture might suggest Grin I like the live blogging the wedding idea, it looks set the be the occasion for it

OP posts:
carefreeeee · 26/09/2017 12:22

Fine for an evening do but maybe wear some coloured shoes/bag/hair stuff to brighten it up?

If they are imposing some weird controlling dress code I don't see how they can be too fussy if you stick within in - OTOH they may be even more fussy than normal...

GaryBarlowsTaxReturn · 26/09/2017 12:30

I think black at a wedding is fine as long as it's not head to toe; that sends it in the funerial direction! Your outfit sounds great. Bride sounds batshit!

Theresahairbrushinthefridge · 26/09/2017 13:38

I don't think she has left you many other choices. You could go in a bikini. Oops is that attention grabbing?

FWIW my mum wore black to my brothers wedding in another country. Bride was American. Everyone thought she hated the bride as it was considered very very bad form. Confused. Truth was she lacks self confidence and at the time wore a lot of black to make herself invisible.

BoredOnMatLeave · 26/09/2017 13:44

I think that dress is fine considering the dress code. I cant get over the whole "not taking attention away from the bride"... She will be wearing a bloody bridal gown pretty sure people will notice her.

coddiwomple · 26/09/2017 13:45

OMG no I wouldn't wear THAT outfit to a wedding!

I would, the dress looks lovely, I just wouldn't accessorize it the same way for a wedding but the rose gold sounds great.

It's very possible american frown upon black for a wedding, but around here it's fine (again, see the royal family!).
By the same token, a dress is not suitable for a funeral simply because it's black! The style matters a lot more than the colour.

LentilBaby · 26/09/2017 13:57

The dress is lovely! I would never in a million years wear black to a wedding although I would also never dictate what ladies could wear to my wedding 🙄 Unbelievable!
Every bride looks so beautiful on their wedding day, she must have some serious self-esteem issues!
So FWIW, I would go ahead and wear it 👍🏼

ForagingForFaerieGold · 26/09/2017 14:19

I love that dress, they've run out in my size Sad. I was actually going to say don't they do it in pink? But then you said she'd vetoed pink too. the crazy controlling Muppet . Anyway, I think it's perfectly fine for the evening party. but then I always dress like its Hallowe-en anyway . It's smart and pretty and "eveningy" . Job done

JessiCake · 26/09/2017 14:23

Gosh, do people REALLY set out rules like no bright colours at their wedding? [shocked] That sends me into a depressive slump about the state of the world tbh... how obnoxious and rude to dictate what your guests may wear. Heaven forfend anyone should take their eyes off the bride for more than a millisecond.

I quite like the dress OP and think it's fine for a wedding (esp as it's an evening do)

Still amazed by 'no brights'...

WorkingBling · 26/09/2017 14:25

I was coming on here to say YABU to wear black. Then I read the bride's ridiculous rules. Go in a monkey costume if you like - it's brown and below the knee. Honestly, I don't think I could bring myself to go to a wedding where I was told I couldn't wear certain types of things. A dress code is one thing, this is completely another.

Sorry, haven't read the whole thread so apologies if I've missed something.

JessiCake · 26/09/2017 14:25

Dear God, just rtft and now I see she won't allow pink or attention-grabbing hair...

Honestly, that's just a fucking travesty. She honestly sounds a nightmare. I pity the groom (unless he's just as bad as she is).

AlonsosLeftPinky · 26/09/2017 14:26

I think as long as you're not rocking up in a wedding dress then you should wear what you like!