to expect my children to do the cleaning

[catweasel44]

I realise I may have left this too late but I'm at the end of my tether.

I have 2 DS aged 9 and 11. They are horribly messy, leave wrappers on the floor, socks on the floor, shoes never go in the cupboard, clothes never go in the basket.

DH and I both work full time but I seem to spend my life picking up and tidying after them. I myself am horribly messy and it's a real effort for me but I want to live in a nice house.

We've had a cleaner for a while but I'm sick of paying money we can't really afford, only for the place to look a tip a couple of hours later. Also noone lifts a finger in between.

We have 4 able bodied people in the house - surely we can manage this between us, and it might give them some incentive to keep clean (not wee on the floor).

I'm determined to raise decent human beings, not animals.

How do you get your children to do the chores? Lists? Charts? Threats? Rewards?

What is reasonable to expect them to do.

My dad is a secondary school teacher and he sat my younger siblings down (ages 8-15) and he had actually created a power point presentation. With different slides explaining what jobs they are supposed to do and the consequences of not doing them (ie no WiFi no holidays etc). The funniest part was the the last slide which had the child line phone number for them to ring if they felt like the presentation was too traumatic for them.

I’m 27 now and have my own home and family but I found this hilarious and ingenious.

Totally reasonable...completely ridiculous for them not to be tidying their own messes at this age. I do think you need a catch all rule about this, that everybody tidies up their own mess, straight away, ALL THE TIME. Wear clothes? You put them in the clothes basket. Eat dinner? You're helping to clean up after. Sleep in a bed? You're making it. This should start as young as 5 or 6. They will need help at this stage but it gets them in the habit.

Definitely get them to help out. Otherwise you are creating a nightmare when they grow up and move into shared housing/in with a partner.

Your DH is a lazy pig who is taking the p1ss out of you - get him to do 50% and bollock him if he doesnt. Men dont understand your silent suffering - you have to express yourself clearly as to what you expect from them. That way you will have some support when you try to get your kids to help too, and he will soon be shouting at them himself to get their acts together.

I have started giving my 11 yo half her pocket money at the start of the month and she gets the other half if she does her fair share around the house, at the end of the month.

I kink chores to pocket money. 6 year old is expected to tidy room, help tidy after dinner, and help with some others chores eg loading the dishwasher.

Linking with a reward has worked, after initial resistance

One issue I think is we don't have correct/big enough storage, so its hard for them to easily put away. I big clearout is on the cards I think!
it is really difficult for ANYONE to clear up, make the place clean and tidy when you have too much stuff.
Everything needs a place to live - a place to be put away to.

(Marie Kondo's Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up might be helpful for all of you)

We have daily and weekly tasks for each school age child. Daily tasks to be done each day, weekly task to be done once a week whenever they choose.
If they don't do them they don't get to go to clubs, watch TV, play with the console or get any pocket money. It's a simple as that.
If they do them they get to do the things they value (as above) and get to do fun things like kids choice night (they choose the dinner and film - from an approved list), trips out etc.

I'm not picking up after school aged children, they are capable of cleaning up the messes they make.

I get my DS to dust, tidy and hoover his bedroom every saturday. He knows he has to and can see the benefit of spending 15 minutes a week to keep it going. In between I leave it well alone!
He empties the dish washer daily and sometimes helps me cook.
If I have pmt I make him do more haha

"cleaning bathroom/kitchen i.e. doing the work of the cleaner"

Most people just call that kind of task "cleaning the place they live in," not "doing the work of the cleaner."

Yes quite!

Start getting strict OP, no telly or iPad until their chores are done.

My DC don’t have official “chores” but they are expected to:

Put their dirty clothes in the wash basket
Put away clean clothes in their drawers/cupboards
Make their beds every day
Empty their bedroom waste paper bins.
Clear the table and take cups and dishes to the dishwasher/sink
Throw wrappers in the bin
Clean up any spills/mess
Put away toys

None of these are described as “chores” they are just everyday expected behaviours from anyone staying in the house. They been doing them most of them since they were about 4yo.

If asked they are also occasionally expected to:

Dust
Hoover
Help put away groceries
Empty/load dishwasher
General tidying

I don’t have to “make” them, they do it because they are asked. If they were so rude as to refuse, there would be a serious talking to and a sanction.

OP, Don't worry about having left things too late,ds has had jobs since he was 18 months and we used to play 'who can put the toys away and dirty clothes in the basket the fastest.' I was sure I'd trained him properly.He hit 9 and has been the laziest little oik you can imagine and hasn't improved at all and he's 16 now!! He still looks at me like it's the first time he's EVER had to load the dish washer I just keep on at him and he has to help around the house if he wants to get fed!

I'm with fuckmyuterus, but I give dd 24 hours notice of a Mummy-style-clear-out which she has suffered under before.

It works.

I got them to put their washing away and pick the stuff off their bedroom floor when they got in. There was a lot of huffing and puffing but it was done.

I've drawn up a list of 'things that I expect them to do without having to ask or remind them'

I've also drawn up a list of the tasks I think they can help with and asked them to volunteer for some.

DS1 has decided he'll feed the cats and empty the dishwasher.

That sounds like an excellent start Cat.

Lots of praise for them following through will help cement the new routine.

Fingers crossed

Goodness me their clothes are actually in the washing basket

I have a similar situation. It's like herding cats! Most of the time it's so much easier to do everything myself. We have a cleaner twice a week. DC are 10 and 12.

I hate to admit it, but DH is much better at getting them to help out. I was away all of last week, and they had emptied the dishwasher, cleared the table and washed the pans. I'm sure it wasn't without complaining, but I guess he is better at ignoring it. I am trying to carry on what he had started, and it seems a mix of threats and rewards work. I tell them no tablet time before rooms are tidy, and I praise them when they have done a task. I also told them that they can empty the dishwasher on weekdays, I will do it in the weekend, and they can clear table/wash pans in the weekend, I will do it in the weekend. This way I am hoping that they don't get too sick and tired of their jobs.

Glad I'm not alone.

I think I'll end up in a home just shouting SHOES ... SHELF over and over again.

I think they should certainly be picking up after themselves, helping to clear up after dinner, load the dishwasher etc- now' the time to start or you'll end up with one like mine who does absolutely nothing.

But I have to say, I don't know if any children who are expected to clean the house themselves. Help out? Sure.