To think this problem has been recognised because it was DH who was struggling?

[NoCryingInEngineering]

I should start this by saying I'm sleep deprived and therefore grumpy so may well be being unreasonable.

DH and I met through a sport and are members of a local club. We now have 2 kids, DS is 3 yrs old, DD is coming up for 3 months. The club facilities are not particularly well set up for families with kids as young as ours (I've joined the management committee with the intention of improving this), but is the easiest club for us to get to in the area.

On Sunday it was my turn to participate and DH was wrangling the kids. DD needed a nappy change and DS needed a wee so he took them off to the gents changing room and eventually got everyone sorted. Last night we had a (very polite and helpful) email from the guy who coordinates the supported activities for disabled members saying that both DH and I should feel free to use the disabled changing room with the kids whenever it is free as it's intended as an accessible facility and might make our lives easier. There's been a history of the room being used as a dumping ground or left wet and dirty, so it's use is fairly strictly guarded.

He's right that it will make our lives easier, and I fully intend to thank him and take him up on the offer when necessary. But am I being a bit unreasonable to wonder why it takes DH struggling with 2 kids for the offer to be made? Is it because I have super powers that can levitate a baby over a wet floor?

More likely he saw DH doing the necessary, but does not see what happens in the ladies loo

I think yes, it's probably because a man struggling with two kids was noticed faster than a woman doing likewise.

That said, I'm not sure the intent there was deeply sexist. I think I would probably notice a man struggling with two kids faster than I would a woman, just because it's something I see a lot less often and therefore "sticks out" mentally.

It's a given that us girls can do everything! I take it as a compliment, but I know how annoying it can be when everyone congratulates the dad for changing a nappy when no one notices I clean the house do the washing make dinner do the shopping and all between 2 hourly breastfeeding!

It's likely the club hadn't realised until they saw your DH so I wouldn't worry too much =)

So are they going to make this offer to other members with young kids? I agree that it's been noticed because it was a man. It would be nice then to think that other women in your position would also get the benefit.

I know it isn't what you asked but why are you taking the whole family to your hobby? If it was your turn to participate why didn't your dh stay at home with the kids?

You're over-thinking this. I would simply be glad of the offer.

Maybe ypu should just accept it as a nice gesture. Not everything has to be examined in minute detail for some non-existent ism.

I agree Tiramisu I don't think the intention is sexist but it is noticed more when DH is doing the wrangling. I suspect the women are also more likely to offer practical one off help iyswim, like hold DD while I sort out DS.

That's a good point Buttery and I'm going to ask the club to clarify if it can be considered open to (say) parents/carers of under 2s

Zero both DH and I take part (and DS is starting to) so we tend to head to the club as a family, one adult does the morning activity, we all have lunch together and the other adult does the afternoon

It's hard to imagine a hobby where you are the only adults bringing children along? Why don't other families attend?

I agree it was nice gesture, probably provoked by the man seeing your husband with the children first hand in the changing area. I wouldn't read too much into it.

It's worth bearing in mind that the disabled room may not always be available as disabled visitors should take priority.

There are plenty of other kids, but pre-teen rather than pre-school. And I guess that's the catch 22 for the club, are there no facilities because there are no users, or no users because there are no facilities? I can think of 2 other families with kids ages of ours. One we've seen 3 times this year against every other week pre-kids. The other family only one adult ever participated, they are still around but we never see the child at the club