You know you're failing as a parent when... *light hearted*

[TammySwansonTwo]

...your 12 month old starts doing excited breathing when BBC iplayer comes up on the television.

I have twins who don't sleep, one with a health issue that requires a lot of monitoring and testing, and multiple chronic illnesses... thank fuck for CBeebies.

So I guess, AIBU to let my 1 year olds watch CBeebies when I urgently need 30 minutes of distraction?

And please regale me with your light hearted failure moments so I feel better

SomethingNastyInTheBallPool

So it's not just me?!

When Justin does a much better job of calming your toddler than you can. And the magic concentration that cannot be burst of duggee.

Thank you CBeebies for being a fabulous nanny when I need 5mins.

When your newborn has been watching corrie every day since she was born and screams when it goes off.
I don't even like corrie. I've created a monster already.

My 3 year old brother is addicted to Eastenders! He hates Wednesday's when the one show finishes Andy EE doesn't start

When 3yo DD asked "mommy, what is rape?"
I used to watch "Law & Order, SVU" with her, thinking she would have no idea about any of it.

When you hear your 3 year old reassuring your 1.5yr old that mummy said it's fine to eat things off the floor.

tammy DD said Raa Raa and OohOoh before even attempting 'mama'.... (she is DC4, clearly my standards are slipping with each child!!)

When your child's "alphabet" consists of the letters in the corner of the YouTube video. I started making a list of them today. F is for Jack Cousteau, G is for Italian Football... I don't know what he and his dad watch during the day although he does know the channel number for Eurosport.
He also refers to everyday objects/events by the TV program he saw it on. I can't think of a real one but think "a tractor like on Down on the Farm". He does do more than watch TV and YouTube (I hope!)

When your six year old asks if you can pop in past starbucks for a hot chocolate and when you say no its at the other end if town so he replies with costa is just round the corner

When your cute, adorable 2 year old son says "oh for fuck sake" every time he drops something (and he's an awful butter fingers).

...you "clean" the school uniform using a babywipe because it is Friday.

...you realise visiting family at Christmas, the teen only showers on days with a chance of teenage girl presence.

...there are only two ways of getting them to come downstairs: 1) scream like a banshee and 2) turn off the wifi. You chose 2 and feel clever.

OMG oysterbabe, Peppaaaaa!😂

My son (20months) opens his eyes and it's always 'mummmm? Peppa piiihh? Mummmmm? Mammmiiii? Grunt!' multiplied by however long it takes me to groan out of bed.

When you get home from work at 4, from that family friendly job, but don't actually set eyes on your teens until 7. They did shout hello.

When your 4 yo tells his teacher mummy likes lying down, drinking wine & eating crisps. Then this is relayed to you at home time 😳

When your child breaks their wrist on the sunday

And you finally take them to hospital on the Thursday...after making them play on the trampoline, go to the beach and go to karate

(after bitching to everyone in the school playground in the morning that its a waste of time and said child insists on getting out of the car in the afternoon to show everyone in the playground their cast )

When DD (19 months) screams 'ow, mummy, ow!' when we are in public even though I'm no where near her. When she has a hitting phase I tell her 'ow, that hurts mummy' etc. I feel the need to very loudly tell DD that mummy would never hurt her!

When your 4 year old moans his bottom hurts after riding a tag-along bike on holiday and you basically tell him to stop whinging, only to see said bottom later on and it's bright red and chafed. And then work out that thanks to getting lost a detour, you ended up making him ride 20miles!!

When your 3 year old sees a toy ironing board in the kitchen area of a play centre and loudly says "what's that?"
( actually she's 6 now and she still wouldn't know what one is 😂)

When your child asks to go to nursery on Saturday and wails when you tell her it's shut and she can have a nice day with mummy and daddy.

When your toddler sees the McDonald's arch and says 'mmm yummy time'

My dd older than your kids, but...

When the first 'song' she learnt all the way through was not a nursery rhyme, but the theme tune to 'friends' including claps

When the 2yr old you thought you'd successfully potty trained calls out to announce, "Dunna poo! Inna shoe!"